My journey with PCOS from infertility, to pregnancy and beyond!

Wacky Winter Storm!!

2012-01-24T21:17:00.000-08:00

Last week, you may have heard about the crazy weather that hit western Washington. Normally we'll get a day or two of a dusting to a couple inches of snow that usually melts within a day or two. Last week we got a few inches in about two days then overnight we were hit with at least 12" of snow. Some places got 18"!!! After all the snow hit it got cold. Then the freezing rain started and clung to all the trees. The next thing we know branches are falling off trees and entire trees are toppling over! Nearly everyone in our county lost their power on Thursday. Thankfully, we are right in the middle of town and right next to a school. We got our power on within 28 hours.

Those 28 hours were a little crazy though. We didn't have any source of heat in our place. I assumed we'd get through the night (power went out at 7:30pm) and figure out what to do next in the morning. Well around 1:30am, Katie woke up from a nightmare. It was cold in the house. We snuggled in the recliner with a blanket and tried to sleep. Around 3am, we were still up, I went to check on Natalie and cover her up and she woke up. Hubby was awake since Natalie was crying. The four of us tried to snuggle in our bed...but the girls thought it was time to play. The thermostat was at 58* and the girls hands were cold. I didn't think we were going to get back to sleep any time soon and I couldn't put the girls back in their room. Hubby stayed in the house with the girls and I went outside to dig our car out of the driveway. With all my adrenaline pumping it didn't take too long to do. After multiple attempts at backing up and pulling forward I got the car out of the driveway. We loaded up the girls and I was headed to my parent's place. They didn't have power either, but they have a generator and a wood stove. I realized just after I left that I might not be able to make it to their house in my van. It was now 4am and I called their house. My dad finally answered and by 5:30am he and my mom got through mess and met us in a parking lot. It was a treacherous drive, swerving to miss downed branches and trees. Their road that comes off the main road to their driveway hadn't been plowed. My van dragged the whole way. Their driveway was even worse. I got about halfway down and had to stop. We unloaded the sleepy girls, jumped in my dad's 4x4 SUV and got up to the house.

We stayed there that whole day, overnight, and until about 11am the next day. We got our power back and were so happy to get home. My parents were out of power for 4 days, my MIL and BIL were out for 5 days. Some people still are out of power. Crazy stuff. My girls were troopers. I'm glad they adjusted well to the change.

I'll leave you with some pictures of the girls playing in the snow (when we only had a couple inches) and some pics of our house with the "big" snow.

Happy (belated) New Year!

2012-01-24T20:06:00.000-08:00

Hi all! I feel like I say this each time I post, but man, it's been a while! Where to begin...

Christmas was nice. The girls actually liked opening gifts this year. Kaitlyn especially liked tearing the paper. We had a Christmas party at my cousins house with my dad's side of the family (minus the hubby). It was so good to see everyone. We all lived semi close, it's too bad we only get together once a year. The girls did fabulous! They were dressed in their cute holiday dresses and played so well. My cousin has a nice big house complete with a rec-room. They played in there mostly. For a lot of the family, this was the first time they'd seen them since the Christmas party the year before. Here they are in their dresses before we left the house:

We spent Christmas eve at my parent's house (minus the hubby, again). We were there all day. We had fun watching the girls open their gifts and play with their new toys. Among the favorites is a tea set and some maracas. Natalie loved the noise makers and Katie loved the tea set.

My brother wrestling with the toy packaging...

My mom helping Natalie open her stocking...

Maracas!

Natalie chillin' with her noise makers...

Christmas day we spent at home. Hubby and I just got the girls a few things since they are still oblivious to the holiday, and we knew the rest of the family would spoil them. The morning we spent by ourselves, then in the afternoon Hubby's family came over for a couple of hours. It was sure nice not to have to go anywhere that day. That's the first year in a long, long time we haven't had to leave the house.

Here's the girls with Hubby's fam...

The girls loved their new blocks, because they make a big mess...

The crayons were a big hit as well. There were big tantrums thrown when it was time to put them away...

Their first masterpiece...

I don't have any pictures of New Year's particularly because the girls went to bed like any other night, Hubby stayed home, and I went to hang out with some friends. It was a real treat to get away for a while.

So far this year our "luck" seems to be improving. With the last couple of years being so challenging, it's nice to not be stressed out ALL the time.

I hope you all had happy holidays and the new year is treating you well!!

2011 Santa picture

2011-12-09T14:39:00.000-08:00

As you can tell the girls had a fabulous time! This was after some professional family pics were taken. I will post those when we get them back. Happy holidays everyone!

Turkey days!

2011-11-27T23:51:00.000-08:00

We had two Thanksgivings this year. With the whole mess with my family, me and the girls went to their house on Friday. Thursday though, was spent at Hubby's mom's/boyfriend's house. The girls were pretty good over all. They actually had dinner with us. They are so excited about using their spoons and bowls now, it's easy to get them to eat foods they normally wouldn't if it was just on their tray. We discovered Natalie really likes black olives and they both chowed down on sweet potatoes. Here are some pics from the first day...

Friday we went to my parent's place. The girls raced around as usual and had a good ol' time. When it got close to eating time however, they would not stay out of the kitchen. I knew they weren't starving, since they had been snacking earlier and it was still before their dinner time. They beg worse than dogs, I swear. I finally had to put them in their high chairs, to keep them out of the way. When it was time to eat they did about the same as the day before. They ate good off their spoons and of course gobbled up bread, stuffing and potatoes. Here are some pics from Friday...

Overall it was a pretty good holiday. I can't believe the girls are a year older already. It doesn't seem like that long ago we had Thanksgiving at our house last time. I also can't believe how much our lives have changed since then. I think we are in a better/happier place, physically and emotionally than we were last year. I'm thankful for my little family and I'm looking forward to what the future holidays will look like!

Hello Long Lost Blogger World!

2011-11-15T20:28:00.000-08:00

I can't believe it's been almost two months since my last post. I don't even know where to begin to catch up. I guess the biggest milestones with the girls lately are that they are both ~~walking~~ racing around the house these days. Katie is a climber. Anything she can swing her knee up on she climbs on to. Her favorite thing lately is her high chair. We have the booster seats that strap to regular chairs with trays. She climbs onto the regular chair then sits in the booster seat. If the tray is with the chair she tries to click it on the seat. If its not, she tries buckling herself in with the straps. It makes me so nervous all the time watching her turn and slide down off the chair. I think I'm doing pretty good at not being overprotective, but it's so hard not to hover. Katie has bled a few times since being so mobile. Sadly, they've all been mouth bleeds. Fortunately, nothing has been too bad. Mostly just biting her lip from falling. It is a worst thing to see your child bleed. Ugh. I'm thankful sometimes I don't have a boy since they are so rambunctious.

Natalie thankfully is not a climber. She is perfectly happy following her sister around and watching her climb. They are both little dancers. Any music they hear makes their little bodies wiggle. It is a the cutest thing. They are really starting to interact more with each other too. They laugh and run around the house together, but they also fight and pull each other down and take toys from each other.

Tantrums are in full swing too. They both will lay down on the floor and cry when they are upset. Sometimes they will even bang their heads on the floor in frustration. This is so hard to watch since they usually cry harder since it hurts. I have no idea why they do it. But I don't give them attention for their fits and they seem to get over them fairly quickly.

Tonight we had a breakthrough with utensils. We've had a hard time with getting them to use a spoon with their food. A lot of the problem is we don't give them much food that isn't finger food. Another problem a while ago was that Natalie always threw the spoon on the floor if you tried to put it on her tray. Well tonight I'm proud to announce that Natalie is the first to figure out how to put the spoon in the bowl and bring it to her mouth to eat! I was laughing telling my husband that it was such a proud moment watching her time after time put the spoon in, get some applesauce and put it in her mouth, I was all choked up. Kaitlyn's not quite there yet, but I think she will be soon.

Now to switch gears a bit...this living with PCOS is for the birds! It sucks so bad! With all the financial issues we've had lately and switching jobs and losing my health insurance I haven't been able to afford forking out money for the birth control pills that have kept me sane and not looking like a manly, zit covered, fat girl. Well, I've been fat for a while, but it's getting worse. I think I've been off the pill since July I think. I didn't notice it the first month, but since then my beard and mustache have begun to grow back thicker and darker. I think for me, that's the worst part is the facial hair. I trim and pluck and all that stuff but it just keeps coming back. The last month or so my face has broken out really bad. That is not fun either, especially since I'm a picker and makes it looks so much worse. My dandruff is back, and like I said earlier, I think I'm gaining more weight.

I've been watching old episodes of The Bigg.est Lo.ser on Netflix. It is so inspiring to see really overweight people lose it and change their eating and exercise habits. We have a treadmill and weight bench collecting dust in storage. I've been building up the motivation to get those things dusted off and set up in the garage. I have no excuse to not use them. I have plenty of time during the day. I've been eating terrible lately too. I tend to not have breakfast until at least 10am. It's usually 2-3 bagels with cream cheese while sitting at my desk at work. I come home from work and don't eat lunch until 2 or 3 o'clock in the afternoon. It really varies, it could be a bowl of cereal, a sandwich or some tater tots and chicken strips. I make dinner for the girls at 5pm but Hubby and I usually don't eat until after they go to bed at 8pm. I have a lot of work to do to change my diet around. I know the things I need to do to change, it's just preparing myself mentally to make the change.

I've felt over the past few months I haven't had much to write about, but now that I'm going I can think of so much. I think this is enough for today though. I'll be back...In the meantime, here are some pics of my sweet (almost) 18 month olds!

16 months old!

2011-09-23T21:30:00.000-07:00

Hi ya'll!! I know, I know, I've been a bad blogger the last few months. Life has finally calmed down a bit and I'm just enjoying it :0)

Kaitlyn is walking now (finally!). She has been for a month or so. Natalie can walk when she chooses to, but she still crawls most of the time. I can't wait for her to walk too. It's so nice to be able to let them walk around when we go places or actually get to play outside! Just today I took them over to my parents house. I let Kaitlyn out of the car and she stood there while I got Natalie out. I carried Natalie in and Katie followed me up to the house. That is so much better than packing them both in at the same time.

We are finally a good routine with the girls too. They are sleeping until around 7am, breakfast at 8am. Lunch around 11:30 and nap at noon. They have been sleeping until about 2pm. Dinner is around 5pm, jammies at 7pm and bed between 8-8:30pm. Bed time and nap time is pretty simple now too. We can just lay them down in their cribs and walk away. So nice! Most of the time they don't even make a peep. Hubby told me yesterday at nap time they both went over to their bedroom door with their pacifiers and blankets and laid on the floor.

Meals have been interesting. Breakfast and lunch are pretty easy, but dinner is a challenge. If it's not bread or pasta they aren't really interested. They won't eat meat, or veggies. I tried tricking them and adding a jar of baby food veggies to their Alfredo, but they didn't eat it. I keep offering different foods, but they aren't going for it. Try, try again...

Okay, I'm sure there is more to share, but I will leave you with some pics of their photo shoot from last month.

I'm still here

2011-08-08T21:06:00.000-07:00

Hi all!

I'm still here. I've just been uninspired to post lately. Not a whole lot is going on - which is actually is nice for a change. The girls are doing well. Playing...and now fighting with each other. Still no walkers, but Katie is oh so close! When some inspiration hits me I'll post more. In the meantime, I'll leave you with some pics!

I read a book!

2011-06-28T10:30:00.000-07:00

I am very excited to announce that since we moved into our new digs, that I've been able to read again!!! I got a Kin.dle for Christmas but hardly used it at all since I couldn't read in bed at our old place and obviously couldn't read while the girls were around.

I finished my first book that I started probably just three days ago last night. It's been so nice to read for a while before I go to bed. I LOVE IT.

Just wanted to share :0D

Our new home sweet home

2011-06-23T10:12:00.000-07:00

Well, for the next two years at least we will be calling this new place home. It's an older but mostly updated duplex in town. I am now only 6 minutes away from work, they girls have their own room and most importantly Hubby and I have OUR own room!!!

Hubby is so excited about his new space he dances circles with is arms out all over the house. :0) We also have a single car garage that is finished and a storage shed. We have so much space I don't even know what to do with it all :0) I can finally unpack some boxes that we kept in storage at my parents place. Yay!

The girls are loving the space too. They race all over the palce chasing each other and going from room to room. It's pretty funny.

I think the girls are going to be good friends too. My MIL snapped this pics the other day. I LOVE them :0)

I think we are all going to be a lot happier now in our new home :0)

Moving Saturday

2011-06-16T19:17:00.000-07:00

With our one part-time income, a bankruptcy and foreclosure we actually found a decent 2 bedroom duplex that accepted us!! It's a cute place - though a little dated - right behind an elementary school in town. The garages divide the two units. The garage is actually really nice. It has a finished painted floor the walls are sheet rocked, textured and painted. We are planning to use that as a play room for the girls. The only other things in there will be the rental fridge and stove (since we are going to be using out own) and the washer and dryer. We have a large area rug that we are currently using in our living room, but we won't need it in the house when we move so we will put it out in the garage. We will be able to have a dining room table again too. But the best part...it has walls and doors - can you imagine?!?!? :0) If you don't remember...or I didn't tell you...currently our living room, kitchen and laundry room is all one open space downstairs. Upstairs is completely open and we all share that space. I can't wait to be able to turn a lamp on and read in bed!

It's about 5 minutes from my work too which is a bonus! We signed a two year lease for a break in the rent for the first year, so I guess we will be staying put for a while (yay!!).

My dad hasn't said anything about us moving, which is fine. My mom is actually okay with it now. I think we all realized it is the best thing. It's just too bad it happened under such unfortunate circumstances.

Putting it out there

2011-06-10T21:08:00.000-07:00

Ya know, I've decided I'm just going to lay it out there. I wasn't going to talk about it at first, but darn it, this blogging is my therapy. I need to vent. So sit back grab some popcorn and listen to the drama in my life...

I think I told you all about our living situation, although I can't remember because children suck your brain out. Anyway, we are living on my parents property in a two story (600sq ft) garage they converted to an apartment for us. I am currently working 20 hours a week and unfortunately hubby is not working. He stays home with the girls while I leave for work. Twice a week his mom comes over to help.

Last Saturday my dad discovers that his lock box of cash he kept in the house is missing. Big bucks. $13,000.

My dad has a drinking problem. The previous Sunday, he came home plastered. My mom had enough and told him to pack his stuff when he sobered up and leave. She wants a divorce. Within a couple of days they kissed and made up.

Fast forward to his missing money. At first he thought that during his drunken stupor he may have moved it. He can't find it. So what is the next logical step to take?

In his eyes it is to ask my husband to take a lie detector test to rule out the possibility that he STOLE the money. Their house is in a rural area down a gravel driveway. Neighbors are not too close. There have been no visitors lately, or suspicious activity. Their house was not broken into. They have three ankle-biter dogs as well.

My husband was shocked to be asked and refused to take the test. He and I fought about it initially because I asked him to just take it to get it over with and move on. He was so mad he left for his brother's house. The next day I talked to a friend and decided I needed to stick by my husband since I have not even a shred of doubt that he did not take the money. Hello! I think I would know if he started buying a bunch of crap.

I unfortunately was stuck in the middle with my dad begging me to convince Hubby to do the test. Hubby absolutely refused. I told my parents that if they continued to pursue this that we would need to move because I'm not going to make Hubby live in an uncomfortable situation. He definitely does not feel like he can come back here.

So for the last 4 days I've been alone with the girls. I've been taking them to my MIL's place where Hubby helps his mom watch them while I'm at work. It has been rough on everyone. I can not continue to live this way. So our choices were to have him come back here or we need to move.

This morning my dad decided to get the police involved in the situation, so Hubby and I went looking for a rental. We found a cute duplex in town and put down a deposit. If all the paperwork goes well we could be moving next week.

I told my parents what happened and there was a HUGE blow up between the three of us. My girls and I were in their house visiting and I decided to take them home because of the yelling and swearing. Hubby and I don't fight in front of them and I didn't want to make an exception because of them.

So there it is. My ugly dramatic story. The elephant who finally left my chest when we finalized the foreclosure in February is back. I can't take a deep breath and I'm crying all the time. It is so sad to think about how the relationship with my family will never be the same and because of that it has an effect on the girls.

Playing Catch Up

2011-06-08T21:35:00.000-07:00

Oh where to begin...

I guess I never shared the girls' first birthday party with you. It went pretty well. Unfortunately, Katie's nap was interrupted so she was crabby, but the show went on. Natalie loved her cake and devoured it. We had to peel her away to open presents. Kaitlyn wouldn't touch the cake. I tried feeding her some icing but she flipped out. I didn't even get any pictures of her in her high chair. Thankfully my MIL did.

They got tons of summer clothes as gifts. They are definitely set for the summer. I just wish the weather around here would allow them to wear some of the super cute outfits. They also got some toys and books. They loved it all. The party only lasted about hour or so. We just had immediate family there. I didn't want to make it too huge this year.

Well that was a few weeks ago. Since then we have stopped formula (YAY!!) and put the girls just on whole milk. They handled the transition really well. I was especially worried about Katie since she was on soy formula. She is doing great though. The solid food feeding is tough. Natalie is a pretty good eater, but the variety of foods she eats isn't too huge yet. Kaitlyn is harder. She doesn't have any teeth yet. Not one. She will suck on waffles, toast, etc until it's soggy and eat it, but she is funny about textures too so she's hard to feed. Mostly the girls are getting some finger foods on their tray but mostly eating from a jar. I wish we could move on from that sooner, but I don't see that happening for a while...until K gets some chompers.

I'm trying to think what else has been going on with them. Not a whole lot. They are busy little girls. And we discovered they love Shrek. They laugh and smile during all the movies. It's really entertaining to watch them watch the TV.

I guess that's about it with the girls. I've been a bit distracted lately with some family drama going on. I wish I could get in to it here, but it's just not the place. We will be moving again...soon...so it may be a while before I can post again.

1st Birthday Party

2011-05-29T22:05:00.000-07:00

Here are some pics...recap later...

Busy, busy!

2011-05-22T21:42:00.000-07:00

What a crazy busy last couple of weeks! Kaitlyn got sick almost two weeks ago. She ended up with croup - which is a nasty bug. Poor kid. I took her to the doc on a Tuesday. He gave her a Rx for a steroid pill that would help keep down any swelling in her throat from all the coughing. Amazingly her cough went away pretty quickly - within a couple of days, but all the snot stuck around. I took her back to the doctor on Friday because it looked like she was getting a sinus infection. Sure enough she had one, so we started her on antibiotics. It was a slow road, but she eventually got better. Now almost two weeks later from when it all started she still has a bit of a cough although it's really mild and her nose isn't running anymore - yay!

In the meantime, Natalie was totally fine. She never even had a sniffle...until last Tuesday. She started out being stuffy, then snotty, then the snot turned colors and she had a mild fever (100.3). I took her in on Friday just to make sure there wasn't anything going on with her ears or sinuses. Ears looked fine, and she was borderline whether or not she had a sinus infection. He gave me a script and said if she got worse we could fill it. We haven't. She never really got worse. She's still a little snotty, but it hasn't gotten nastier and the amount is less.

Can I just tell you how exhausting it is to have sick children. Seriously. I thought I've been sleep deprived just having twins, but geesh. And, can I just say how fortunate I know that we are that our girls have not gotten sick up until this point. That is just amazing! During Kaitlyn's bout we ended up staying several nights at my parent's house so we didn't keep Hubby and Natalie up. And for a couple of days in there I felt like I had caught a bug. Thankfully it didn't really amount to much.

Unfortunately, Hubby is not as fortunate. He woke up this morning sick. Poor guy.

In other news, the girls first birthday is in four days!! I can't believe we are almost there! We are having a party on Saturday for them. It's interesting planning a party. I've attended so many, but never actually planned a birthday party. And, um...they aren't cheap. We are by not means doing anything remotely extravagant, but wow. Cake alone is going to be $30. It should be fun though. I've picked out matching outfits and shoes. They will be so cute.

I will post pics next weekend!

A couple of firsts...

2011-05-10T21:31:00.000-07:00

My first mother's day...well...it was okay. Actually it wasn't the greatest day and I looked forward to going to work on Monday. Don't get me wrong it wasn't horrible, but...

My mom and I got to go shopping for a couple of hours by ourselves which was nice, but she wanted to buy me an outfit and I felt like crap. I had to try on HUGE sizes and nothing fit right. It was really depressing. I didn't get anything and she was bummed she couldn't get me anything, which made me feel worse. Then I come home to crabby kids and a crabby husband. I was crabby. It wasn't pleasant. It did end on a positive note. My dad bought some steaks to bbq with baked potatoes. It was yummy.

Another first is our first sick kid. Yep, we made it over 11 months without illness. Kaitlyn came down with croup. It is not fun at all. We visited a friend of mine last week and her kid was sick - I didn't know when I went over there. By Friday K was stuffy, and I'm pretty sure that's why she was so crabby on Sunday. Monday afternoon she started coughing and then in the middle of the night she woke up with the "barking" cough. Poor kid sounded terrible. I took her to the doc today. There sadly isn't any drugs we can give her to help the cough since she's so young. She did get a dose of some kind of steroid to make sure all the coughing doesn't make her throat swell and make it hard for her to breathe. The only other thing we can do it give her cool moist air. Either cranking the hot water in the shower with the bathroom door open to keep it cool or walking around in evening air.

She's actually been doing pretty good, considering. She still plays and crawls around, but she tires really easy and is super cuddly (which is rare :0))

Now Natalie doesn't have a first...but she's just sprouted her 5th tooth. She just broke her two top teeth in the last week and today I noticed one more on the bottom. That explains her crabbiness on Sunday too.

Whew, lots going on lately. I'm pooped. Off to bed I go, and hope that Kaitlyn can sleep okay.

Only three weeks away!

2011-05-05T21:20:00.000-07:00

I never thought we'd make it. I never thought I'd make it. But we did. We are only three weeks away from surviving the first year with TWINS!! My widdle gwirls are gonna be 1 on the 26th. Crazay!! We are firming up some plans for the party. Nothing big and fancy, but a nice little get together with the fam and a few friends.

Lets see...what have the girls been up to? Hm, well Natalie is sprouting her 3rd and 4th teeth (the top two) and well...Katie still has zero. Weird.

The girls have a friend. My friend Rita has a daughter who is about 7 months older than my girls. She is super sweet. She brings them toys and rubs their back and lays on the floor with them. I think they are going to be besties. Last weekend Rita's older daughter had a birthday party. I brought Katie with me, since Natalie was staying the night at her grandma's house. They played and had a grand ol' time. Sunday I brought her over again. On Wednesday I brought both girls over to play. I think they like the change of scenery and of course a new face to look at :0)

The girls are cruising around all over the place too. The whole downstairs is their playpen. Kaitlyn is pulling herself up on everything. I think walking is not too far away. They are eating some solids on their trays. Kaitlyn gags and makes really funny faces when she tries something new. I can't really blame her since she still doesn't have teeth. Natalie gobbles everything. It's really funny.

What is not funny is tantrums. Actually I do have to hold back a laugh sometimes. Both girls get mad and arch their back and yell. Natalie makes a hilarious mad face and slaps and kicks...which is not funny. I cannot believe how much they flip out. I thought that was a terrible two's thing, but I guess I was wrong. And according to a bunch of my FB friends the three's are a lot more terrible than two's. At least we have a ways to go before then.

I guess that about sums up what they've been up so lately. Busy little girls they are...which makes Mommy and Daddy very tired.

The plus side of taking the pill

2011-04-30T21:36:00.000-07:00

You've heard me complain and complain about PCOS and how haywire my emotions are and blah, blah, blah. Well I do have to say how nice it really is to be back on the pill after so many years. I forgot how nice it is not to grow a beard and mustache. I forgot how nice it is to not have to buy prescription strength deodorant and how nice it is to not grow hair in places that are just not pleasant. I'm not as manly as I used to be :0)

I just wanted to say something a little positive since I've been such an Eeyore lately. Oh and my mood has improved since I'm not PMSing anymore...go figure.

11 months old!

2011-04-25T21:41:00.000-07:00

The girls are 11 months old tomorrow (Tuesday the 26th)!! I can't believe they will be having a birthday party next month. Crazy!! Here are some pics for your viewing pleasure :0)

I gots issues.

2011-04-25T20:43:00.000-07:00

Yup, it's true. I am an emotional basket case. It really all started way back when, when I went off birth control back in 2005. My hormones got all wonky and so did I. I went haywire physically, gaining weight and growing hair in not so pleasant places, and emotionally either crying over anything or getting mad all the time.

Going through fertility treatments for a couple of years didn't help at all either

I went back on the pill a month or so after the girls arrived to try to get me back on track. It did help for a while, but not I feel psycho again. Seriously. I can go from happy to raging mad in no time flat. It has really taken a toll on my hubby, and I know it's not healthy for my kids to witness. It's definitely the worst while I'm PMSing, which I happen to be this week. Last night was ugly. Kaitlyn woke up at 11:30pm and would not go back to sleep. I tried just helping her lay back down. Nope. I tried rocking her. Nope. I tried laying her in bed with me. Nope. Finally I brought her downstairs and fed her. She passed out.

It wasn't actually that nicely done though. She woke up crying, I tried to console her and lay her down. She SCREAMED. I was shushing her, and getting more mad that she was freaking out. Finally I was telling her to shut up...and now that I'm acknowledging how I acted I am so ashamed. I picked her up roughly and went down the stairs too fast. I probably carried her too tight. It was ugly.

I think I need help.

The girls have their 12 month check-up at the end of next month and the doctor they see is our family doctor. He is a really nice guy and always takes time during the girls appointments to see how Hubby and I are doing. I think I'm going to talk to him then about getting medicated. Even if it's just for a little while until Kaitlyn hopefully goes through this "phase".

I probably haven't filled you in yet about how completely clingy and whiney she is to me. For half a second it is cute and sweet that she wants her momma so bad, but man...it gets old fast. I'm trying not to hate it since I know some day she will go through a phase when she'll want nothing to do with me, but it's hard. I can hardly get anything done. Hubby can't do anything to help. I have to be the one who gets up with her every.single.night. Sometimes multiple times. If Hubby tried, she's scream. During the day she climbs up my leg and follows me around. When I do hold her she climbs all over me and squirms. She doesn't sit still.

She is just one of the things that gets me going during the day. I gots other issues too that have me stressed out almost constantly. Hubby and I have had so much happen to us in the last 15 months that I have forgotten what it feels like to be calm and stable. Remember his three surgeries last year? He is still feeling some residual pain from the last surgery. We also had to file bankruptcy because our bills were so out of control since he couldn't work for about 8 months and I was on half time and then maternity leave for a while. We lost our house to foreclosure and turned over the keys last month. We are now living in a small 600 sq ft "garage" on my parent's property that my dad converted to a little apartment for us. And since the space is so small it was impossible for all four of us and our three beloved dogs to all live here so we had to find them new homes suddenly.

Ya see...we've been through a lot. I can't handle much more. I feel like a teapot on the verge of steaming all the time...and sometimes I do steam. I need help to calm down. I know therapy would probably be more helpful, but drugs I think will be cheaper and unfortunately, money is tight.

Okay, okay, that is enough spewing my guts out for one day. Phew, see I'm glad I came back to this blog. It's nice to be able to spew again :0)

Change in birth control pill

2011-04-23T20:18:00.000-07:00

Hubby was at the pharmacy the other day and I asked him to pick up my prescription for the pill. Apparently there was some hullabaloo with the pharmacy techs and the pharmacist and he texted me "What a mess. I hope they gave you the right script".

Great...

He gets home and the pills are Z.arah. Previously I was taking Oc.ella which is generic for Ya.smin. Supposedly the pharmacy can't get Oc.ella anymore so they gave me the Za.rah. After doing some quick investigating, it doesn't sound the like people like the Z pill very much. There is a lot of talk about breaking out, a lot of weight gain, headaches and some mood issues after switching from O.

This is not good. Not good at all.

As you may remember. I'm already over weight. I'd really like to not break out like a teenager again AND my moods have enough issues thankyouverymuch!

I think on Monday I'll call my doc to see what the scoop is on O. If it really isn't offered anymore I guess I'll have to move on to something else, but I want to hear from HIM as to what that should be and not let the pharmacist make that decision. I'm really not on the pill for birth control...I need it because my hormones are on crack.

Geesh. Always somthin'...

The grand re-opening

2011-04-21T21:20:00.000-07:00

I just couldn't help myself. I missed this blog so much. I honestly think about it often. I miss the community of readers/commenters..and I especially miss having a place to spill my guts and vent. I've created two other blogs since this one and neither of them get posted to very often at all.

The other two blogs were about the girls. I love my girls to death, but I need a place for me and I don't have time for both. Of course I will talk about them on here, but this is mommy's space.

Believe me, just because I'm no longer on my journey to become pregnant, PCOS still interferes with my life. I've been such a hormonal basket case since having the girls I feel really crazy. I went back on the pill a couple of months after the girls were born and that has helped a lot, but I still feel a little psycho. I know there are other factors that contribute to my looney-tune-ness...and I'll get to those issues eventually...but hormones I know are a big factor.

All of this is to say that I'm back! I've missed you all. If I'm able to, I plan to post regularly...the good, the bad and the ugly :0)

We've Moved!

2010-10-19T20:33:00.000-07:00

Well, not physically yet, that is a post for another day!

BUT, we have moved blogs. I've decided this blog has been dedicated to my journey to mommyhood while enduring fertility treatments because of PCOS. I think my widdle girls deserve their own blog now.

I would love it if you'd follow me over to our new location!

It is: http://mitandbur.blogspot.com/

See you there!

Okay...okay...

2010-10-14T17:41:00.000-07:00

Thank you all for the comments. I really had no idea I still had so many people reading this. I know I have followers...but still...

Anyway, I think I'm going to change my mind about blogging. I think I'll stick with it. Since deciding last week that I didn't want to blog anymore, I've though of at least three things I've wanted to post like how the girls are sleeping terrible and so are we. And how Katie rolled over three times yesterday. And they tried cereal. And they are getting their pictures taken tomorrow. And, and, and...

I guess I'd still like a place to vent and share. I guess I'll stick around. And I guess I don't need to feel any pressure to post all the time. When I get to it, I get to it, right? :0) AND...I guess I'll just be careful about what personal information I put on here.

Can you tell I'm a little loopy today? I probably only get to bed for about 6 hours a night lately and it's VERY interrupted. I get up and go in the nursery to deal with one of the girls at least5-10 times a night. Sigh.

The end.

2010-10-07T18:32:00.000-07:00

I've been thinking for a while to stop blogging. I just don't have the time. My reason for starting this blog to begin with was to have a place to vent and share my infertility experience. Now that my little girls are here I don't really have the time, and usually not the energy to keep up. I've only been posting a couple of times a month lately anyway. And that's not even so bad, but I feel obligated to post. Like I need to keep everyone updated...well...I don't feel like it anymore.

And to top it off, one of the blogs I read posted a link to Raising Colorado's site...who experienced something very disturbing this week. After reading this, it basically sealed the deal for me. I'm done.

I'll leave this site up for about a week or so to give my "readers" (if I really have any left) a chance to read this...then it's coming down.

I really appreciate the comments, advice, and experience some of you have shared with me over the couple of years I've had this blog. It really helped me through my journey of infertility to pregnancy to now motherhood. This particular journey has come to an end.

Ciao!

4 month check-up

2010-09-30T19:47:00.000-07:00

This post is a little overdue. Their appointment was last Friday, but I haven't had a chance to really sit down and write out a post until now.

The girls are doing great. Both have gained a pound and they are only a 1/2" apart in length. Katie weighs 12.5lbs and has dropped to the 22nd percentile and Natalie weighs 11.5, in the 8th percentile.

Even though they both have dropped in their percentiles the doc wasn't concerned since they are still gaining weight and doing what they are supposed to developmentally.

Both girls were super cranky since the appointment landed during their nap time. Most of the appointment at least one of them were crying. And at one point both of them fell asleep. the outfits I had them in were too hot, so thankfully I had some onesies in the diaper bag and just put them on to go home.

They both slept pretty good that afternoon and evening, but felt really warm. No fevers, just warm to the touch. Saturday they both were pretty cranky too. I had given them a dose of T.ylenol before the appointment and followed up with I believe two doses that night just to make sure they didn't wake up too sore, like after their 2 month appointment.

I had asked about starting some cereal, especially for K, since she seems to be hungry every 3-4 hours - day and night. The doc suggested waiting until at least 5 months and to make sure she can sit up okay on her own first to help with digestion. Right now Katie does pretty good in the Bum.bo chair on her own, but no where close to sitting up by herself. We'll see how the next few weeks go. I may just try it to see how it goes.

I need your help re: swaddling!

2010-09-30T19:34:00.000-07:00

Dear Readers,

When do you stop swaddling? How do you stop?

Both my girls are being swaddled still. I believe it still helps them go to sleep...however...

Natalie continuously sneaks her right arm out, knocks out her pacifier wakes up gnawing on her hand a few times a night. This sometimes wakes up Kaitlyn.

Kaitlyn wiggles a lot. She comes unwrapped a lot. As soon and I re-wrap her and stick the pacifier back in her mouth she's usually out like a light...but she comes unwrapped literally about 5-8 times a night. She sometimes wakes Natalie up. Plus she is still only sleeping 3-4 hours at a time between feedings...

This week has been hell-week for sleep in our house. I think even the dogs are suffering. The girls have been especially bad with their swaddling escape tactics. Tonight Katie has been fighting me bad! She's come unwrapped already about 4 times in the last hour. Twice I've gone in to check on her (as she's screaming/crying) to find her up on her side still partially wrapped. This makes me nervous in case she rolls over on to her belly without the use of her arms. I obviously don't want her to suffocate.

I just don't know what to do. Do I bother getting bigger blankets or finding other ways to keep them wrapped up? Or is it time to wean them from this? If so, how?

I'd love to hear your stories/theories/experience with swaddling and how to get over it.

Please help.

Sincerely,

One tired mommy

!!Formula Recall!!

2010-09-22T14:49:00.000-07:00

Please check your cans! All of K's soy formula was part of the recall.

http://www.komonews.com/news/consumer/103552019.html

The aftermath

2010-09-18T18:58:00.000-07:00

Actually...it went better than I thought!

Katie fussed, whined and cried off and on for about 50 minutes. I had picked her up twice when she was getting really worked up, but as soon as she calmed back down and was drowsy again I put her down. She eventually gave up and fell asleep. I checked on her after she'd been quiet for about 5 minutes and saw she was out and the pacifier was out of her mouth. I knew she'd wake up and want it back soon. Sure enough about 10 minutes later she did. I put it back in her mouth and she was out for hours. I think it was about 8:30 when she finally fell asleep and didn't wake up until about 12:30 to eat.

I was a little worried that her night feedings would be tough too. She typically can wake up eat and be back to bed in 20 minutes at night. Last night was no different. I am so glad! She did so amazingly well!

Tonight was a breeze too. She was tired and crabby so I put her jammies on, wrapped her, stuck in the pacifier and rocked her for a little bit. She was pretty squirmy, which I've learned means she just super tired and ready for bed, so I laid her down. She hardly squirmed at all and didn't make a peep - which was good because Natalie was already in bed.

It's now been about 20 minutes and I still haven't heard a sound come out of their room. Wow, could this be so easy? (knock on wood!)

Now if I could only get her to sleep past 6am every morning, me and her daddy would be very appreciative!

Naps are still super hard with her. She gets a few 30-45 minute naps then sometimes a good 2 hour nap, but I feel like I fight her all day. I guess if I had to pick I'd rather fight her for naps then bedtime! :0)

The battle has begun!

2010-09-17T19:30:00.000-07:00

Tonight, for the first time, I'm making Kaitlyn sleep in her crib. Until tonight she's been sleeping in the cradle in our room...or if she doesn't sleep well I've grabbed her and put her to bed with me. Tsk, tsk, I know...

Natalie has pretty much been sleeping in her crib for a few months now. She is such a good little sleeper. Most nights she sleeps for about 12 hours straight. Sometimes Hubby gets up with her and gives her a bottle, but usually the pacifier and re-wrapping does the trick. He earned it though. When she was just a wee lil' thing, he got up with her countless times a night and soothed her back to sleep. I, on the other hand, slept with Katie...call me lazy, but I was just exhausted.

I have, however, gotten to the point with Katie that I can lay her down awake but drowsy. She'll usually fall asleep withing a minute or two on her own. Well tonight, she was almost asleep, I laid her in her crib and - bing! - her eyes shot wide open. She's a smart cookie for recognizing that wasn't her normal sleeping place. Our room is really dark. We have an a/c unit running on fan for the noise. The nursery isn't completely dark until the sun goes down and it's quiet. I did turn on the heartbeat music after a while for her so she'd have some noise. It took about 50 minutes of whining, some crying and me putting the pacifier in her mouth. I did pick her up twice. I held her until she stopped crying, then laid her back down. She's been quiet back there for about 15 minutes now. Oh, I did also put a "lovey" next her her head that I've been sleeping with for a few days in anticipation of her sleeping alone. I think it helped. She's asleep with her head turned toward it.

I wonder how the rest of the night will go. Will she wake up sporadically crying? Will she sleep for hours? Will she go right back to sleep after her night feeding like she normally does? I purposefully chose a Friday night to start this, because I'm anticipating getting less sleep than I normally do, but I'm hoping it won't take too long to pay off. It'll be nice to have our room back. To be able to talk above a whisper in there after 7pm and to read in bed again with my lamp on. Ahh...

Wish us luck, as I'm sure we will all suffer this next few days...hopefully not weeks. Poor Natalie will need to get used to her noisy sister sleeping in the same room as her. I feel for the kid...

Let me know if you have any tips or tricks to transitioning your baby from cradle to crib. I'm flying by the seat of my pants here! :0)

First sister moment

2010-09-16T20:46:00.000-07:00

My mom was over tonight and we were each holding a girl. I sat Kaitlyn on the couch so I could get her blanket ready to swaddle her. My mom brought Natalie over and sat her in front of Katie. They both were just staring at each other then they were smiling at each other. It was the cutest thing I've ever seen. I think they may have realized their sisters, if only for a moment. So sweet!

They are 16 weeks now! Their 4 month appointment is next Friday.

Here is a recent picture of Katie.

Here is a picture of Natalie.

I got a little video clip of Katie in her crib the other day while she was watching the mobile. This is a very tame example of her new found voice. This girl likes to squeal/scream! I know I shouldn't encourage it, but I love to listen to her. You can click here to see it.

What a difference a year makes!

2010-09-06T19:43:00.000-07:00

Last year, on Monday of the holiday weekend, I posted this. Of course I hoped that a year later I'd have a baby...but any of you who have struggled with infertility know, to hope it one thing, but reality is a whole different story. And the reality for me turned out to be two beautiful little girls!

The reminiscing I've done tonight makes me wonder where my life will be in a year from now. I'm sure it will be nothing like I can imagine.

I can't wait!

Slacker!

2010-09-01T14:17:00.000-07:00

Sorry I haven't posted in a while. Life has been a bit busy!

The girls are 13 weeks old today. We've passed the 3 month mark! I do think things are starting to get a little easier. They are both "talking" more. Katie seems to get happier and happier everyday. She still can get grumpy quick, but I'm learning how to read her and the best way to handle her.

I really have to recommend Secrets of the Baby Whisperer by Tracy Hogg to every parent. I'm not even done with it and I have gleaned so many lessons from it. I got it from the library because a friend of mine recommended it (hi Mel!) to start with for sleep habits. I tell ya, it is just a good overall book of learning how babies operate. I've extended my time with the library on it already and I'm trying to get Hubby to read it to (wish me luck!).

For example: I used to think that K hated having her clothes or diaper changed because she cried every time we did it. Well, I learned (from taking a quiz in the book) that she is a touchy baby and she is a little sensitive and that we need to go slower with her and talk her though the process of what we're doing. Since I started doing that she's been a thousand times better! In fact now changing her is my favorite time with her. She is super smiley and talkative when she's laying on the changing table. It's amazing.

Natalie is doing great too. She's growing like a weed. I bet at their next appointment she will be the same if not even heavier than her sister. She really is the happiest baby ever. She smiles all.the.time! I love cuddling with her.

I don't remember the last time I updated you guys on my work situation. I think that was when I was talking about quitting to stay home full-time. Well...long story short, it just doesn't make sense for me to completely quit my job with Hubby not working until the evening and only getting 20hrs or less a week. Instead, I've cut down to 30 hours a week and I'm working from 7am-1pm with no lunch. I'm home by about 1:20 and can help get the girls down for a nap. It seems like since I've had this schedule (about 2 weeks), the girls have been sleeping better at night. Nap time really makes a difference. If they are overtired at bedtime, it is a bear to get them to sleep.

For a while now Natalie has been a good sleeper. I'd say since about 6-8 weeks old. Of course she has her bad nights occasionally, but most of the time she sleeps for 5+ hours at night. Katie on the other hand has pretty consistently been getting up every 3-4 hours until last week. Last week she had a couple of nights of sleeping for 6 hours straight! I was in heaven! Last night she was in bed and out for the night by 8pm. I didn't get up with her until 3am. I fed her and got her back to bed in about 20 mins. She didn't get up again until almost 7am. I hope this becomes more and more of a habit with her. I can dig it!

I guess that's about it. No big changes are going on around here. Both girls are wearing mostly 6m clothes. A few things are 3-6 months or 6-9 months.

Oh and one last thing. I'm back on the pill. I originally wasn't going to go on any birth control, since I TRIED for 4 years to get pregnant and it didn't happen. BUT, I need the hormones. I've been pretty crazy the last couple of months and I finally went to my GP to see if I can get balanced. I started back on Yasmin yesterday. I'm crossing my fingers this helps me out. I'm tired of being a roller coaster. When I met with the doc I cried the whole appointment. I told him about the other stuff going on in my life at the moment and he recommended anti-depressants. I declined because I'd like to see how the b/c works for me first. Plus, soon all this other crap should be behind us so a lot of the stress will be gone then too.

Okay, that's really it now. I'll try to check in sooner next time! :0)

3 months old!!!

2010-08-24T21:33:00.000-07:00

Dragging

2010-08-19T14:24:00.000-07:00

I started back to work full-time last week. It’s been rough on everyone. I of course have to get up earlier now, and can’t seem to get to bed too early so I’m tired. Hubby is with the girls all day while I’m at work and is tired when I get home, but usually he has to leave to go to work himself. The girls are not napping very well for Hubby during the day so they are cranky and tired when I get home.

The last few days I’ve gotten them to bed when I got home, but they usually are then out for the night...kind of. Katie has been waking up between 3-4am and wanting to be up. I keep the lights off and don’t talk to her so she won’t be stimulated, but I’ve been ending up putting her in bed with me so I can at least sleep until 6am. It seems to work, but it’s not quality sleep for me at all.

I’m not quite sure what to do about naptime. I know Hubby tries, but I don’t think he a)has the patience and b) commits the time to put them down during the day. They’ll nape for 20 minutes here and there but that’s about it. It’s tough coming home to crabby girls and I feel bad for them too for being so tired.

Things in the job department are changing a little for now. Ultimately I’d like to be home full-time, but until Hubby finds a day job it just doesn’t make sense for me to quit my job entirely. In the meantime I’ve talked with my boss about working part-time. She is meeting with our senior staff on Monday to discuss the opportunity. She seemed confident that something could be worked out. I’m hopeful that we can make that transition soon. I don’t think I can handle this much longer. I’m actually contemplating going to my parent’s house this evening to see if they could watch the girls for an hour or so I could snooze in their guest room. We’ll see if I’m up for packing up the girls when I get home. Hubby is leaving for work shortly after.

Other than the never ending sleep issues the girls are doing really well. Katie finally caught the smile train. Natalie has been smiling up a storm for weeks, but not Katie. Just in the last week or so she’s really seemed to smile. They both kind of make these squealing noises like they want to laugh but just can’t do it. It’s super cute. They are talkers too. Natalie will sit and talk to herself forever, it’s funny. Katie talks too, but she also mouths a lot of stuff and no sound comes out. She tries so hard - lol

I guess that’s about it. Not too much is going on these days. We had a garage sale last weekend to try to get rid of stuff, but with the heat wave we’ve had there weren’t a whole lot of people out. We are doing a Saturday sale again this weekend to hopefully get rid of some more. Whatever is left is going to Goo.dwill. We have about 2 ½ months left until we move so I’m trying to pack and organize what I can now since I know it takes me 10 times longer to get anything done with the girls here!

How to solve infertility angst

2010-08-11T20:21:00.000-07:00

I subscribe to a blog called Happily Ever After. It gives mostly marriage improvement advice, but there are other topics. Her posts are emailed to me and today's was about infertility. I thought it was interesting and wanted to share. You can read her post here.

Ch-ch-ch-ch-ch-changes!

2010-08-09T15:24:00.000-07:00

I'm mostly excited and a little scared that we've decided I get to be a stay-at-home-mommy!

It isn't happening immediately, but soon, very soon.

I had kind of an "aha!" moment a few days ago (during a 3am feeding). I've been really stressed this year and asking God "Why?" about his timing for Hubby's three surgeries and my twin pregnancy and now with the girls here - it just seemed crazy for it to all happen at the same time. We'll, I think I may have figured it out.

As I've shared before, this year has been the hardest EVER. Hubby hasn't been able to work since before Christmas due to illness then 3 back to back to back surgeries. Because of that we are losing our house and having to file bankruptcy. Totally not cool things. Well, it seems though, this is all working out to benefit us.

We are moving at the end of October out to my parent's property. They are converting a two-story garage to an apartment for us to live in. The rent will be cheap. Because of the bankruptcy we will only have rent and a couple of other monthly bills, so our monthly living expenses will be minimal. Hubby has a part-time job now and he's just getting back into the swing of things. We are hoping by the end of the month he'll be able to gain some more hours and then I can put in my notice at work. I am very much looking forward to being able to be there for my girls everyday. I can't wait for all of the things we can do together.

Yes, until Hubbs can find another job - a full-time job, things will be tight, but hey, over the last 6 months, we've been living pretty tight, so I'm getting used to it.

Isn't it amazing how you can be thrown in a horrible situation, one that seems so dark and terrible at the time and as you pull through it you can see the good that has come out of it? I would have never thought two months ago...or even one month ago, that I would be thankful for what this year has brought (I mean financially). If Hubby wouldn't have gotten sick and needed surgery he would have still been working and we would still be making our house payments and making minimum payments on credit cards for the rest of our lives. Not that I'm advocating everyone files for bankruptcy, but it is really a blessing for us that we can dig out of this monstrous hole we've been in. We get a fresh start.

I am so thankful!

Date night

2010-08-03T22:53:00.000-07:00

Hubby and I were able to have a date night last Friday. It was fabulous! MIL had her sister in town for the weekend and they offered to take the girls for the day. I got off work early that day and used some of the free time to get some packing done around the house. My mom came over too and we organized some storage items and also garage sale items. We got a lot done.

Later that day Hubby and I went to see Inc.eption. It was actually a pretty good movie I thought. I had no idea what it was about when we went to see it, but I had heard from a lot of people that it was really good. It's definitely one of those movies you have to pay close attention to to keep up.

After dinner we went to Ou.tback, or as Hubby likes to call it Outhouse. It wasn't that great. I've only been there a few times and I'm so not impressed. Date night was a treat from MIL and her sister too. Plus we had a gift certificate from Dr. M's office for dinner, so it was a free date. Pretty awesome! We picked the girls up about 10pm that night.

It was such a nice day, and the girls slept so well that night. Grandma and her sister had taken the girls on a few walks. I think all the fresh air wore them out. We liked it.

2 month appointment

2010-08-03T22:28:00.000-07:00

The poor little girls had their two month appointment today. It went pretty well. They got weighed and measured. K came in at 11.5lbs and 22.5" (although I question the accuracy of the length measurement). N came in at 10.5lbs and 23". I have a hard time believing that N is longer than K, since her little toes come to the end of clothes that N can still fit in to...unless the weight makes that much of a difference.

We talked about the reflux meds. K is actually off of them now. About 4-5 days ago I had forgotten to give her her meds for a day or two. When I realized I'd forgotten I kept an eye on her. She didn't seem to care at all. I haven't given her any more since. Same went for N, although she was still showing signs of discomfort, so we continue to give it to her. The doc said they could go off of it anytime. I think we'll give N another week or so and see if she does better. I'm glad K is done. It's so hard to remember to give it to her...well both of them every 12 hours. At least with just one kid we can remember the time better.

We also talked about N and her scaly skin. Dr. J suggested trying some lotion on her, especially behind one of her ears where is is particularly crusty. If the lotion doesn't work after a week we can try some hydro cortisone cream for a few days.

I brought up K and her "high maintenance" ways. It was fairly obvious at the appointment though that she is the "needier" child. She was squirming all over the place and crying off and on. We played the darned pacifier game the whole time. Have I mentioned I have a love/hate relationship with those stinkin things? K especially loves to spit it out and cry until I put it back in over and over again. I'm trying not to give in, which brings me to my next topic.

Crying it out. I hate to hear my babies cry. N is especially heartbreaking since she only really cries when she needs something and it is such a sad little cry. She however is not the reason we talked about crying. K can drive Hubby and I up a wall. Like I've said before, she'll fall asleep in our arms and we go to put her to bed and she wakes up crying. We asked the doc if they were too young to let cry for a while. He didn't think so. Of course it's up to us on how we want to handle it, but he suggested if of course she'd fed, changed, etc. that it's okay to let her go for about 10 minutes then go in and check on her and rub her belly or something to let her know we're there then to let her be again. I feel so much better hearing him say that. We've been doing that with her more and more lately. She is just so inconsolable unless your holding her. I have to break that habit. I've been doing better not picking her up. I'll go in after a while and make sure she's still wrapped tight and put the pacifier back in (yes, I play the game I hate), then I'll leave. She usually battles for hours, but according to the doc, that's okay. He said especially since we have two, one of them is going to have to cry sometimes. Sad, but true.

Speaking of crying...the poor widdle girls got their shots today. So sad! N seemed to tolerate them pretty well. She whimpered with the first one. Whimpered a little more with the second. And really cried with the third one. Her poor thighs have three little princess band-aids on them. In the meantime, K had fallen asleep on me. I wanted to wake her up before so it wouldn't be such a shock, but she was pretty tired. Poor girl got stuck while she was sleeping. She cried with all three. The last one was the worst though, she really wailed. Thankfully the crying stopped once we were on the move with them in their car seats.

After we got home the both slept for about 3 hours. When they woke up though they were in a lot of pain :0( Thankfully MIL had picked up some infant T.ylenol and we gave them that. Boy did that work wonders. You could tell every time they moved their legs around they were in pain, but after the meds I think they felt a lot better. They both chilled out for a while and went back to sleep. We're going to give them their next dose as soon as they can have it to make sure they sleep well tonight, then we'll gauge how they are doing tomorrow.

Tomorrow...I have my 2 month follow-up with Dr. M. I'm a little nervous he's going to dig around in my "area". I don't feel completely back to normal yet down there. I know my stitches have healed up, but there are still aches and pains and I'd really appreciate it if he took it easy. We'll see. Male doctors just don't get it.

Well, that's about the gist of it. All in all the girls are doing well. We go back in two months for their 4 month check up...and more shots. I want to remember to give them a dose of Tyle.nol before their appointment to see if that helps their pain at all. There is nothing more sad then having your babies hurting and not being able to take it away.

Sleep issues

2010-07-29T16:50:00.000-07:00

I'm not talking about myself...although I could.

My children do not like to go to sleep. Each night we try putting them to bed around 7-8, but they usually aren't really out for good until about 11:30. It's so frustrating. I don't get it. Natalie is a better sleeper than Katie, but she still fights it sometimes. Katie, just plain hates going to sleep.

Today for example, I don't think she's slept for more than a half hour chunk since 11am and it's almost 5pm. Natalie on the other hand has been asleep since about noon. Naps or nighttime it doesn't matter. I can't totally blame them since they've been nomads for the last 3 weeks or so. They've taken turns staying the night at a grandma's house. I've stayed with my parents on the weekends and some weekdays, and we've stayed home some nights too. So I'm sure they are confused on what their bed is. It's also tough because when they are at home during the day they have been napping on the couch. I'm trying to get Hubby to break this habit. I'd really like them to always sleep in their cradle or crib, not the couch or a swing or a bouncy seat...although they do sleep easier in one of those things. I just want to nip it now and not when they are older.

We've been rocking the girls to sleep and once they are good and out we'll place them in their crib. Within minutes they are awake and crying. I'm trying to break myself of the habit of going in a picking them up. I've gone in and put their pacifier back in and played some music if they are really screaming and it usually calms them down and may even close their eyes, but they don't stay asleep. And I know I give in eventually (after hours of trying) and I'll pick them back up and rock them. Usually by this time it is time to eat again.

With Kaitlyn we've tried letting her cry for a while. Sometimes it works and sometimes it doesn't. I just don't get it, she is so tired, but won't give in. As I write this she is crying. It breaks my heart to let her cry, but I don't know what else to do. She's changed and fed. Ugh.

Any suggestions? They're only 9 weeks old :0(

blogger issues

2010-07-28T12:29:00.000-07:00

Is anyone else having trouble with blogger? Yesterday my page was white with just the post titles showing. I had a photobucket error in the middle of the page. I removed all the photobucket items, but it didn't fix my layout. I change my background and was able to get my posts back (they were in white text), but none of my side bar items are showing. They are still there though when I go to my settings...

Anyone have any suggestions?

Arg! They just showed up after I posted this. I've figured out the side bar stuff doesn't show up when you look at my blog, but if you click a specific post they show up. How stupid and frustrating!

Busy Bee!!

2010-07-23T12:24:00.000-07:00

My, oh my, do the days go by fast! The girls are 8 weeks old now! They are changing so much! I find they are getting harder to take care of the older and more awake they are. It was easier when they were newborns and slept all the time. I had time to get stuff done around the house. Now I find I only get to sit down when I'm feeding them. I often even eat meals - when I get the chance - standing up. I don't really get to taste food much anymore I scarf it down so fast - lol!

I wish I could say we have a schedule down, but we don't. I don't think we'll have much of a schedule until they are sitting up on their own and eating some solids. Right now, for one person it is almost impossible to feed them at the same time. Besides, they aren't eating at the same intervals. We've upgraded to large bottles and they're getting filled up to 5oz.

Natalie 90% of the time polishes off the whole thing, which is funny because she's been the smaller one all along. I think she is catching up though. I'm really curious what her weight will be when they have their next doctor appointment.

Kaitlyn drinks all of it maybe 70% of the time. I like to keep giving her 5oz though because it's easier than pouring and heating up another ounce if she's still hungry. She is not a patient child, so making her wait is noisy!

They are both smiling at us. Natalie is the happiest baby ever. She wakes up with a huge open-mouthed grin everyday. It's a little tougher to get a smile out of Katie, but it sure is awfully cute when she does! They are also starting to "talk" at us. Natalie is the more vocal one too. K makes a lot of noise, but it's not the same "cooing" that N does. K is definitely the more observant of the two. She will watch every move you make and sit and look around the room for a long time. She is always moving. Even if her arms and legs are still her fingers are twitchy. I think she will be my little trouble maker. I bet she starts crawling early. She already manages to scoot around when she's on her belly. Of course she doesn't realize it, but since she moves so much it's inevitable.

I have two garbage bags full of clothes they can't wear already. Goodbye newborn and 0-3 month sizes! Natalie is wearing 3 month and K is in some 3 month, but should really be wearing 3-6. Her little toes are starting to get squished. I can hardly keep up with keeping their closet organized. It seems as soon as I finally get everything squared away someone changes sizes.

Speaking of organizing...I have quite the task ahead of me. We're moving. Our house is going bubye. We haven't gotten a final date yet, but I'm sure it will be soon. Packing and moving is a daunting task in and of itself, but with two little babies. Oh man. I'm starting to collect boxes. I've gotten a few now so I can finally start going through things. Me, my mom and my brother are going to have a garage sale. They want to do it soon, so I need to get going through stuff. We are moving out to my parent's house. Not in it, but on the property. They have a two-story garage that they are converting over to an apartment for us. It will be tight quarters, but I think we can manage. I think it's only about 600 sq ft. Yikes! That's less than half the space we are in now. Good news is my parents are right there so we can get out, plus they live on a couple of acres so there is room to run around when the girls get bigger. They have a river right there too, which will be fun when they are older.

I'm guessing by September we will be living there or at least moving stuff over. I'm actually kind of looking forward to it (I may think I'm crazy later). It will be nice having WAY cheaper rent vs. our mortgage and we won't have extra bills like power, water, garbage...it will be included in our monthly rent. Plus the girls will have a set of grandparents right next door. Right now they have a grandma just a mile away - which has been wonderful! She's been coming over everyday to watch them while Hubby recovers and she's also been taking one of the girls at night until Hubby can help. She's only been a phone call away if we need something. My parents are about 15-20 away, so she'll still be fairly close by.

I only have two weeks left of half-days at work. I'm hoping to get a lot of stuff done around the house in that time. Soon I'll be back to full-time, which means a lot less time at home. I'm also hoping with this move to be able to go back to half-time, and if Hubby can find a better job, maybe I can stay home completely. We'll see...

Stay tuned...many changes ahead!

Natalie

Kaitlyn

I feel crappy...

2010-07-15T15:23:00.000-07:00

I don't think I've cried so much in the last year as I have this week. Ugh.

I'm stressed. I'm at my breaking point. I'm exhausted, physically and emotionally.

Hubby is still recovering from surgery. He's pretty sore and not too mobile yet. The girls are still being split up at night to take turns at the grandma's. That is really hard on me. I feel like a crappy mom that I can't take care of my own kids. I should be able to handle them both.

I feel crappy that I can't keep a roof over their head. If nothing changes, our house is being forclosed on soon.

I feel crappy that I can't feed them. We've barely had any income and had to rely on family to feed us...all of us.

I feel crappy that Kaitlyn gets all my attention and Natalie chills by herself a lot.

I just feel crappy.

Surgery Day...again

2010-07-12T15:13:00.000-07:00

Today Hubs had his third (and hopefully final) surgery. I just heard from his mom, who's at the hospital that things went well and he just go moved out of recovery to his room. Phew! We're crossing our fingers that he gets to come home in the morning.

I've been home for most of the day with the girls. OMG, what a workout! They both just fell asleep after being up for the most part for the last 4 hours...together. Thank goodness Natalie is a pretty content baby or else I might have ran from my house screaming today. Poor Kaitlyn is so needy. She just wants to be held all the time. I think she may be colicky. I hate that word colic. It's just a blanket term for a baby who cries a lot, but it sounds like some sort of disease or huge problem. She just cries a lot. I thought we were over that when we started the reflux meds with her, and for a while she was a happier baby. Now in the last four or five days she seems to cry and cry. I don't think there is anything wrong. Sometimes I think it may be that her guts are hurting her, but there are times when she passes gas or has a bm with no problem, so who knows.

Since last Thursday night the girls have been taking turns spending a night with a grandma. Hubby's mom has had them a few nights and K spent the night with my mom on Saturday. I don't think I could handle both of them at night. It is really rough during the day. Grandma C (Hub's mom), we'll call her GC, brought N back home this morning. She was also taking Hubs to the hospital. Both girls were asleep when they left, but about 20 minutes later they were both stirring and eventually woke up. I juggled feeding one, then the other and trying to keep them entertained too. GC came back over after dropping Hubby off and entertained them while I got some stuff done around the house. When she left to go back to the hospital, all hell broke loose. Both girls were still awake when she left. K was not happy she wasn't being held and N was bored of the swing. I managed to keep N somewhat happy with the pacifier, but K was SCREAMING. I have a wrap, kind of like the Mob.y and I was wearing K around. She was quiet for all of oh...a minute, and started wailing again. N was still not too happy either, so I decided to take them for a walk. I kept K strapped to me and put N in her car seat. We have a single stroller too that the car seat can snap into, so I put her in that and off we went. N fell asleep pretty quickly and K eventually did. We did two laps around the block. I left N in her car seat sitting on the couch so I didn't disturb her. K, I unwrapped and laid on the couch too. Both sound asleep...or so I thought. About 10 minutes later, both were awake and crying again. This time...for food. I got them both propped on a pillow on the couch and fed them and burped them. Once again N was a trooper and was so patient while K was screaming every time she was neglected. K was done eating and N still had quite a bit to go, so I swaddled K up tight - arms and all, and put her in the swing while I finished feeding N. She screamed and cried that heart-wrenching horrible cry for just a few minutes then she was quiet. She grunted a couple of times to push out a poo...and was quiet again. I changed her, swaddled her back up, she cried some more and I rocked her. In the meantime, I had swaddled N and stuck her in the other swing (thank God we have two!). They both fell asleep. I think they are out for real this time. It's been about 15 minutes and there hasn't been much movement out of either one.

I'm pooped and need a nap. Hopefully GC will be back fairly soon. I'd like to go see Hubs at the hospital but I understand if she doesn't want to watch both girls alone. It's tough!

I'm sure one of them will stay with her again tonight, then maybe tomorrow night they can both stay home. It breaks my heart to have one gone, but I know it's the best for everyone. They get the attention they need and I get to keep my sanity.

Well, it's only 3:30, we'll see what the rest of the day has in store. **heavy sigh**

Here we go again!

2010-07-09T16:08:00.000-07:00

Hubby went in yesterday to have a follow-up appointment with his surgeon to check on his incision. Well, the incision has healed fine, but he's developed a pretty substantial umbilical hernia. We knew it was there, but didn't know what to do about it. The answer? Surgery. That's right folks. Another stinkin' surgery. And when might this surgery happen? A couple weeks? Months? Nope. Monday.

I'm wondering when this nightmare will ever end. Three surgeries in less than 7 months. The surgeon said this will be a shorter stay than the other two, which where about 8 days each. He's thinking he'll be released in 24-48 hours. Until Monday, Hubby is on bed rest. He's not supposed to be getting up and down a lot or lifting, including the girls.

Like I said before, we have been each taking one kid at night. With him being on the DL, he wouldn't be able to get up with one of the girls at night. I thought I could tackle them both by myself last night and go to work today, but Hubby convinced me it would be pretty tough on me since they aren't on the same schedule. I would have been up all night. We decided to enlist Grandma C to babysit. So last night, Natalie got to spend the night at Grandma's house. It broke my heart to bring her over there, but I knew it'd be the best thing for the both of us. Tonight it's Kaitlyn's turn to spend the night with her. Tomorrow I'm going to stay at my parent's house. We'll have to figure out schedule for the rest of the week. I hate this so much. I KNOW there is a plan for everything, and things happen for a reason. But seriously. Enough is enough. And I KNOW God doesn't give us more than we can handle. But seriously. I'm on the ledge.

With Hubby being sick then recovering from the first and second surgeries, the stress was pretty high. Our financial situation is a nightmare. The girls are here now and I've had to go back to work so soon. It's just a mess. I lost it a little last night and cried and cried. Thankfully I was busy at work today because I was on the verge of tears all morning.

This has to be it, right? I mean what else can go wrong? Actually, don't answer that. I know this isn't the worst it could be, but it is bad enough for me. Hopefully this is the lowest part of this valley.

Six weeks

2010-07-07T12:50:00.000-07:00

My baby girls are six weeks old today. Where has the time gone? I wanted to take a picture of them each month with some sort of toy or object so we could see their growth from month to month...well, that didn't happen for month-one. I suppose we have so many pictures of them from their first month it doesn't make that much of a difference and here we are halfway to month two anyway. I must try to make that happen in two weeks. They change so fast!

Kaitlyn aka Kermit, Monster and Squeakers:
She is my little cuddle bug. Her favorite position is laying on my chest. I love, love, love snuggling with her. However, this does have it's drawbacks. It's hard to get her to lay on her back when it's time for bed if she's fallen to sleep on my chest. I have to admit - and don't go calling the baby police - but I let her sleep on her stomach during the day when she's napping. She sleeps so well on her belly. And yes, I watch her like a hawk when she's on her stomach. At night for a while she was sleeping in her bouncy seat since she was having issues with reflux. We've been giving her some meds to help that and it has made such a huge difference. She used to only sleep or cry. Now she has awake time where she is pleasant and not screaming all the time. Poor kid. I'm glad we were able to help her. I've been trying the last few nights to have her sleep in her cradle instead of the bouncy seat or with me in bed (which is nice, but I don't sleep that well that way). It seems to work for about half the night, but by 4 or 5am I'm too tired to put the effort into making sure she is really hard asleep to put her in the cradle. If she's just barely asleep she'll stay asleep if she is with me. I don't want to start any bad habits with her though. Maybe if she was an only child it'd be different, but since we have two kids, I don't want to have all four of us sleeping together when they're older.

Katie has also graduated to 3 month onesies and she's filled out the size 1-2 Kirk.land diapers pretty well. She is growing so fast. I think I'm going to start letting her hands be free more. Until now they both have been in "sleeper sacks" this whole time with the covers for their claws. She seems to keep her hands from her face most of the time, except when she's really upset. Her nails are pretty short, so I think she might not mutilate her face too much.

Natalie aka Nate-dog, Wilbur, Fonzi and sometimes Monster:
She is our laid back one. She is pretty quiet for the most part. Of course she does have her moments of crying for no obvious reason, but that's not too often. She is pretty content chilling out by herself for a while. We can put her in a bouncy seat or the swing and she'll just hang out checking out the toys. Unlike her sister who likes to be held most of the time. She spits up a lot. At first it didn't seem to bother her, but then in the last week and a half or so she's started showing the same signs her sister did of reflux. We called the doc and he had us start giving her meds too. It seems to be helping a lot. Natalie is a little piggy too. She packs away all 4 oz of her bottle most of the time. And she ain't no lady either. When she's done, she'll belch louder than any beer drinkin' slob at a bar. It is quite humorous actually.

This weekend I started putting her in 0-3 month onesies. Goodbye cute newborn clothes. She is also wearing the size 1-2 diapers. They are a little bigger on her, but I think they still fit fine. She also apparently started smiling at people...except her mother. Both grandmas and Hubby have said they think she smiled at them - on purpose. I haven't gotten to see that yet. Snif, snif.

At night she hangs out with her dad. Hubby and I decided that's the easiest way to tackle them at night is if we each are responsible for one of them. That way we're both not getting up for one kid. I've been taking Kaitlyn since she is the needier one and I seem to have a little more patience than Hubby. It seems to be working pretty well, although I will say I do feel guilty for not spending as much time with Natalie. It's sad to say, but the squeaky wheel does get the grease. If this continues as they get older, I need to make sure that I give Natalie just as much attention, she doesn't need to be "punished" for not causing a ruckus. I know how that goes. My brother was a trouble maker and I was a pretty good kid. He got more attention then and actually until the girls were born he still got my parents attention the most. Not that I needed them, but he's always been catered to more than me.

Well, I think that about sums it up for now. Overall they are doing great. I cannot believe it has already been six weeks since they were born. I look back at pictures from even two weeks ago and I can see such a huge difference between them.

Back to work

2010-06-28T12:41:00.001-07:00

Once again, it has taken me days and days to complete a post...

I started back to work on Monday (boo!). It actually hasn't been too bad, but I'm sure it's just because I'm working 4 hour days. My original plan was to work half days this week and next, then go back to full time the following week. I thought I'd have to stick to that plan since that's what I worked out with my boss before I left on maternity leave.

Well, I found out on Monday that during my 12 weeks of maternity leave I could use that time however I wanted to. I decided to continue with the half days until my leave is over (August 9). I feel so much better about this. I've really had a lot of anxiety about leaving Hubby alone with the kids. His mom has been coming over everyday to help him out while I'm gone, but I know that won't last forever.

I think I mentioned in my previous post about how I never really thought I'd feel so strongly about staying home with my girls. I thought it would work out perfect having Hubs stay home during the day while I worked, then he would go to work when I got home. Well, things haven't worked out exactly that way. Since Hubby has started back to work he hasn't gotten a whole heckova lot of hours. Seriously, like one or two shifts a week. He also doesn't enjoy being a stay-at-home-dad like I thought he would. Although he said it is growing on him.

We've been having some discussions lately and he's going to be hunting for a new job. He just can't rely on getting more hours from his current employer. Plus, I REALLY would like to be with my girls, so he needs something that has decent pay and benefits so I could quit or drastically reduce my hours at work. Currently, I have to work 30/week to keep my benefits.

My boss also asked me if I'd like to continue to work half time after my leave is over. I would really like to do this, but I just don't see how it will work. If Hubby finds a new job, then we'd have to have childcare for them while I'm at work. It doesn't make sense to put them in daycare for 4 hours a day since I'll probably not make enough money in that time to be worth it. If Hubby hasn't gotten a new job by then, that means he'll probably still not have many hours and it would make more sense for me to work full time to bring home the bacon. I really "should" work full time now for the money, but I'll never have this opportunity again to work half time at my office (unless obviously if I did it permanently).

Our life is so crazy right now. It seems the dust will never settle. Our girls are growing like weeds and I want to be there as much as I can to witness it.

Oh and an update from my last post...we have to plans to move into my parents garage. Although it would be a money saver, it just doesn't make sense. I am still willing to cut back on our lifestyle for a few years to make things work for me to stay home...but we'll just have to see how it all plays out. This year has sucked pretty bad, and I'm sad my girls had to join us during this time, but I guess things happen for a reason. Thank God for the GENEROUS help we've gotten from our family though, it's the only thing getting us through right now.

4 weeks!

2010-06-24T16:46:00.000-07:00

The girls are now 4 weeks old! I can't believe how fast time is flying by! Sadly, I am returning to work next week. I wish I could use up all of my maternity leave, but financially...I gotsta go back.

The girls are doing so well. I really think the reflux meds have helped K a ton! I've also been having her sleep in her bouncy seat at night. The combination of the two has been working well. She's basically sleeping from feeding to feeding (3-4 hours), unless she's gassy. N has been doing well too. Poor little girl got the baby acne a little worse than her sister. Plus yesterday it was so warm yesterday she chilled in a onesie most of the day and her nails got her a little too :0(

Both girls got a bath today. I hate giving them a bath. It will be so much better when they can hold their head up and even better when they can sit up on their own. Right now it's a two person job to bathe them. I have to have someone holding their heads and bodies up, since they tend to slouch down in the tub. Oh, and by the way, those mesh hammock thingies that the tubs come with are a pain in a butt. They get soapy and the girls slide down in them it's hard to rise the kids off. After the first bath I put that thing away. I do have to say that today's bath was a little better. They actually seemed to like it more. Actually, I should say K liked it more. She hates being messed with. She hates her diaper changed, clothes changed, etc. N liked the bath just as much I think. She didn't let out a peep until I was trying to get her dressed again - which is really hard to do with their skin is damp.

I've been freaking out the last few days with my first day of work looming. I thought I had everything figured out. I'd have my hours changed at work. Hubby would stay home with the girls. I'd get home and he'd leave for work. Simple. No daycare. Win-win for everyone. The reality is, my work doesn't seem to be as cooperative as they said they'd be when I first asked about me switching my hours. Hubby is not cut out to be a stay at home dad. I don't blame him. It's a lot of work and really overwhelming to be alone with them. He's been really good with them, but gets frustrated really easy. Also, his work isn't giving him many hours at all. Seriously, like one or two days a week.

I talked before about hard times at our house. Since Hubby got sick back in December and had to have his surgery and then the second surgery in March, he's just gotten back to work about a week or two ago after healing from his surgeries. Financially we're in really bad shape. We've basically been living off of his parents for months. Thank God for them. I'm ready to throw in the towel on our house. We're are months behind in our payments and even when I am back to work and able to make payments again, they are too big for us. The payment has always been a little too steep, but we made it work before, but now with the girls here, it's pretty much impossible. My mom half serious/half joking said that we could move into one of their garages (my brother lives in the upstairs part of the garage - lol. I'm actually considering it. My dad is a handyman, he would fix it up and make it livable for us. Sure we wouldn't have a bathroom, but the house is 20 ft away. And really, things would suck, but I'd be able to not work at all or only work part time and be able to spend the first precious few years with my girls. Because really, we'd only have to figure something out for the first five years, until they start school.

Even if living in my parents garage doesn't workout, I'd like to figure out something. I jokingly said on fa.ceboo.k that I'd live in a van down by the river. While the girls are this young, they aren't going to know or care where we live. When I was a kid, my parents didn't have much money and I've heard stories about the living conditions we were in until I was in kindergarten. I don't hardly remember at all. Not the bad stuff anyway.

Anyway, I didn't mean to make this post all about staying home with the kids, but I'm racking my brain trying to figure something out. I never thought I'd feel so strongly about leaving my girls during the day to go to work. **sigh** I know most if not all moms feel this way, but I seriously want to lay on the floor and kick my arms and legs and throw a tantrum about going back to work. I don't wanna!

Okay, more pictures of the girls coming soon. Their one-month "birthday" is Saturday!

1 month-ish check up

2010-06-18T13:16:00.000-07:00

The girls went in today for their one month check up. They are 3 weeks and two days old today. K weighed in at a whoppin' 9lbs 5oz (in the 64th percentile)!! Little N came in at 7lbs 8oz (the 11th percentile).

We talked with the doc about K screaming and crying, more than just the "normal" baby crying. We figured it may be gas pain or reflux. We're supposed to try those M.ylicon drops 4-6 times a day and see if that helps. If not, there is a prescription waiting for us at the pharmacy for some Zantac. The more I think about it, the more the reflux makes sense. She really cries when we lay her down and she stops when we pick her up and she's upright. So much for me thinking she was being spoiled by sleeping on me or in her swing instead of in her crib. Poor widdle girl! We'll see if that's what it is. I hope it is "something" that is fixable. I think she gets really tired too since she doesn't seem to sleep too well at night.

We get to go back in a month or so for their two month check up...and get all their shots :0(

Also while we were there Hubby saw the doc too (he's our family doc). Turns out Hubby has developed a umbilical hernia, probably resulting from his surgeries he's had. He's waiting to hear from the surgeon's office to get an appointment to see if it will go away on it's own or require ANOTHER surgery. Seriously. Does this crap ever end? He just got back to work last week and now he's supposed to take it easy and stay off his feet until he hears back from their office. Excellent. Depending on what they say I may be going back to worker sooner than I wanted to. Oh well.

Hodge Podge

2010-06-15T18:38:00.001-07:00

Once again, it's taken me days and days to squeeze out a post. I've had several things I've wanted to blog about lately, but now...I don't have the time. So, I figured the best way to get my thoughts out was to just hit on each topic instead of doing a post for each thing.

- I hate pumping. It is evil. I'm not sure exactly why, but as soon as I get all hooked up and tugged on I get pissy. I'm instantly angry. It's 15 minutes of trying not to talk to anyone so I don't be mean. I have a hard time pumping when I'm supposed to. For one, since I hate it, it's hard to get motivated to keep on schedule. Two, with the girls being on different feeding schedules it's just one more thing to do at a certain time. I have the pump rented for a month, and I think I'm going to return it at the end of the month instead of renting it longer. I'm only getting about 1/3 of what they need anyway. And one last selfish excuse is having to deal with pumping at work. It would be a pain to deal with. I know, I know the breast is the best, but I think giving them what I can for a month is better than what some mothers do... That's my story, and I'm sticking to it. **Update, as of yesterday I quit pumping. It is nice not having to deal with it anymore, but I feel guilty for giving up early. And as my punishment my boobs hurt so bad! Yowza!**

- The girls. They are definitely different. Not only looks wise, but personality. Natalie is the small fry. She is quiet and seems so peaceful most of the time. Kaitlyn on the other hand, is the moose...and the noisy one. She squeaks and makes all kinds of noises all the time, which are usually so cute and I love to listen to, but she is also a screamer and a major crier. I seem to be the only one who can console her. My husband gets so frustrated because she cries and cries and there doesn't seem to be anything at times that can make her stop. Most of the time, if I grab her and hold her to my chest she'll stop. It's a love/hate thing for me. I love that I can comfort her and she can calm down when she's close to me, but I also hate it, because feel like maybe I shouldn't hold her so much so she doesn't rely only on snuggling with only me to feel better. I know she's only three weeks old and probably doesn't realize what's happening. I just don't want to make it a habit. I'm going back to work soon and I won't be home to comfort her all the time. It's something I really struggle with every time she cries. I've tried to let her "cry it out" a couple of times, but I don't have the heart to let her go on for very long. She's only three weeks old. Poor lil bugger.

- My hubby. God bless him. He has been doing a pretty darn good job for never being around babies before. He washes bottles, mixes formula, changes diapers, gets up for feedings at night. I know he gets really frustrated with them though. He mostly handles Natalie and I have Katie. I really don't like this set up. He should be bonding more with Katie, but her crying really drives him nuts. I see him get annoyed and I want to just take her back and love on her. He likes Natalie since she's so quiet. She's awake the most too so he gets to take care of the "easy one".

- Nighttime. Ugh. My mom stayed the night with us for two weeks. It was so nice. We've been on our own now for three or four nights and it's been rough. The girls rarely sleep at the same time. They eat at different times so it seems like there is constantly someone crying. Like I said before, Hubby gets Natalie and she mostly sleeps from feeding to feeding (about 4 hours or so). She does however like her pacifier and will wake up whenever it falls out. Unfortunately the cradle is on my side of the bed so I'm the one putting it back in her mouth constantly. Then Kaitlyn will cry and it takes about an hour to feed her, burp her and get her sleepy enough to go back to bed. She's waking up about every 3 hours to eat. The last two nights I think I've gotten about 3 hours of majorly interrupted sleep. Most of it has come after burping Katie and falling asleep with her in my arms in the recliner.

- Daytime. It is so quiet. I think the girls are so exhausted from being up all night they sleep during the day. I really should nap during this time, but usually I am busy washing laundry or bottles or feeding myself. It doesn't sound like much but the days fly by so fast! I've only been able to sneak in a shower every other day. I live in my pj's and other than having our pictures taken last week, I haven't put on a bit of make up for probably two months.

The swing has been a lifesaver. Both girls enjoy rocking in it and it gives us some time to put them down while they're awake to get some stuff done. Thankfully, yesterday, my friend brought over a second swing that she is no longer using. This will be nice since I generally have to evaluate who needs the swing the most and who could chill by themselves. Now they can both have a swing. Yay!

Well I suppose that's enough for now, especially since I have Katie in one arm and I'm typing with one hand now.

Their first photo shoot

2010-06-08T12:45:00.001-07:00

The girls had their photos taken yesterday. A coworker of my mom's did it for free!! She is still working on editing the others but she sent this one this morning. Isn't it just so freakin adorable. I got a little choked up when I saw it.

The girls will be two weeks old tomorrow. I can't believe how fast time is flying. Soon enough it will be July and I'll have to go back to work **sniff, sniff** I just love snuggling with them. K is quite the snuggle bug. She loves laying on my chest, in fact she is laying on me right now snoozing away. Spoiled girl.

They did so good yesterday, although I think it wore them out. They slept solid for hours and hours. We had to wake them to eat.

I just wanted to share the picture. I'll post some more when I get them!

Too good to be true?

2010-06-03T09:53:00.000-07:00

**knock on wood**

The past two nights my girls have slept solid for 4 hours at a time and are feeding one right after the other. It might be too good to be true. It makes it so easy for one person to take care of them at night.

The night before last my mom (who has been staying with us at night) wasn't able to come over, so Hubby and I had the girls to ourselves. Hubby still isn't feeling well, so it was me taking care of them. It was such a breeze! I got some good chunks of sleep.

Last night, my mom was taking care of the girls and I only had to wake up to pump every 3 hours. She said that they were sleeping from feeding to feeding too. I hope this isn't a fluke!

Before the last couple of nights they've been really fussy at night and sleeping solid during the day (surprise, surprise!). We'll see if this is a trend. Even if it isn't, it's such a treat!

Hospital Pics

2010-06-01T17:44:00.001-07:00

The birth day

2010-05-30T19:16:00.000-07:00

May 26, 2010, such a great day!

It started with me getting a whopping 2 hours of sleep the night before. My mind was going crazy thinking about the induction and the unknown, and I was staring at the clock most of the night hoping I wouldn't miss my alarm. I was scheduled to be at the hospital at 7:30am and I was to call in an hour before to confirm. I called about 6:15 and was told to call back at 6:45 since the charge nurse was not there yet and she needed to check the staffing for the day. I called back and was told to show up at 9am, no need to call back. About 45 minutes later the hospital called me and said they are really full and they aren't sure if I will be able to get in today. I should show up at 9am anyway and they will re-evaluate and give me an NST to check the babies. I was bummed. I was so ready. I just hoped if I couldn't be induced today, they could get me in tomorrow and not next week.

Hubby and I showed up at 9am and was immediately whisked back to my labor room. I was so happy!! I found out later they had labor rooms, but the postpartum rooms were the full ones. They went around and rushed some women out who were planning to leave later in the afternoon.

Anyway, I was brought into the labor room and changed into the super sexy gown. I kept waiting for my nerves to kick in, but they never really did. I just kind of rolled with the flow. The only two things I was nervous about was getting the IV and the epidural. Getting the IV did suck, but it wasn't that bad I guess. She started me off on just some fluids. The pitocin would come after my water broke. I was also strapped with the fetal monitors. I was having some mild contractions, but nothing major. I was checked and was still 3cm dialated and now 75% effaced. Noon rolls around and Dr. M showed up to break my water. Ew. That was so gross. I was already uncomfortable from having a man's hands jammed up there (by the way, my woman nurse was so much more gentle), but they the sudden gush of warm water was disgusting. I felt like I peed a gallon and every time I moved it gushed a little more. Eck.

I also had a fetal monitor attached to baby A's head, since the monitor on my belly kept sliding around and we kept loosing the heart beat. I had a contraction monitor inserted too. The internal contraction monitor measured not only the contractions, but the strength of them. The belly one just measured whether I had one or not.

After my water was broken they hooked up the pitocin to get things going. At first it was nothin, just a little stronger contractions, but not bad. Then it started to get bad. I asked about the anesthesiologist and how long it would take for him to get here. The nurse asked when I wanted the epidural, and I said now. I had no idea how long it would take for him to get there and how long it would take for the meds to kick in. I didn't want the contractions to get that much stronger. It actually didn't take him long at all to come in. We chatted for a minute and then he got to work. Man was I nervous! I had to keep being reminded to relax my shoulders and hunch over...which is hard to do when your tense. I was shaking. I'm guessing it was the combination of the contractions and my nerves, but my legs were shaking. The nurse was so sweet rubbing my arms and using her legs to try to still mine.

Ya...epidurals suck. As he was trying to get it placed it hit every bone on the way down. Ouch. I was trying to stay cool, but I felt the tears coming. Then I'm informed he needed to move up a little, this one didn't work. Boo! He started attempt number two, once again hitting some spine on the way down. Hubby was able to stay during the procedure, which I was surprised about. He got me some tissue for my tears, because by this point I wouldn't hold back the water works. I was also reminding myself to breathe, but also had to make sure I didn't make myself hyperventilate. Finally it was placed and I felt the zing down my left leg that it was working. I was so happy it was over!

Pretty much from that point to when they whisked me away to the OR to deliver is a blur. The contractions go stronger and stronger and by 4:30 I was feeling major pressure. By 5pm I wanted to start pushing. Well "want" isn't the right word. I NEEDED to start pushing. It's amazing the so-called "urge" sounds so mild, but really the "urge" is something basically uncontrollable. At first I was told to try not to push...ya...right. It's next to impossible.

So at 5pm, I was wheeled away and they used a hoist to move me from my bed to the OR bed since I couldn't use my legs and I was MEGA uncomfortable. I was just moaning and sweating and gripping the side of the bed. The next thing I know I'm in position and told to start pushing. In three pushes Baby A (K) was out. She was taken right over to the isolette to get cleaned up. Listening to her cry was just amazing!

After A was out I couldn't feel my contractions anymore. I was told when I was having one and told to push. At that point I couldn't tell if I was pushing either. Apparently I was doing it right, because only two pushes later Baby B was out. She was a little more lethargic and she too was brought right over to her isolette. After a minute or two they got her crying too.

I ended up having a second degree tear so I had to be stitched up. They had turned off my epidural when I started pushing and it must have started to wear off quick because I felt the doc stitching me. I had to be injected with some Lidocaine. While he was working on my the babies were passed over to me and I got to hold them both. Such sweet girls!! We were able to get some good pictures the nurses took our first family pics!

Recovery has actually been pretty good. I feel so much better not being pregnant anymore. I still have some pelvic pain, but it's getting better. I'm sure it just needs time to heal. My tear is healing fine I think. I've taken a little pain meds to help with minor pain from that and my back ached from the epidural.

My milk should have come in on Saturday (at least I was told it would). I was pumping consistently, but still I wasn't getting anything. I quit pumping Saturday night. Last night, well technically this morning, I was rolling over in bed and realized my shirt was wet. Well, whaduya know it was my milk. I got about 3.5 oz from the first pump. Since then it has only amounted to about an ounce and a half. Not nearly enough to satisfy my babes who are chowing down on up to 3oz a feeding, but it is better than nothing I guess. I hope I can build up my supply, we'll see.

Well, since I've been working on this post on and off for the last three days, I suppose I'll post it now. I know there are things I'm forgetting, but oh well...

We're home!!

2010-05-29T15:58:00.000-07:00

Natalie Danielle - 4 days old

Kaitlyn Renee - 4 days old

Birth story later. Stay tuned...

2010-05-27T07:44:00.001-07:00

Babies are here! Born May 26, K 7.1 at 5:31pm and N 6.7 at 5:41, both vaginally. Mom and girls are doing great. Planning to be home tomorrow!

Tomorrow is birth day!!

2010-05-25T16:00:00.000-07:00

I had a NST and a doctor appointment today. The NST was pretty normal. Poor baby A had to be buzzed again because she just wouldn't wake up. After she was buzzed though, she was upset for a long time. It took her a while to settle down. Poor widdle girl! Of course baby B is a show off and she passed the test in less than 10 minutes. I'll be curious if their temperament inside will be the same outside. My blood pressure was high when was having the test done. I think it was 155/90.

Then I went to my doctor appointment. BP was still up there, but it was better. I think it was 140/??. The doc had me lay down for a bit and tried it again. I think it went down to 136/??. I can never remember the lower number.

The babies were measured and my fluid was checked. Baby A was about 7 lbs 12oz, up from 7 lbs 3oz two weeks ago. Baby B actually measured less than two weeks ago. I think she was 7 lbs 5oz before and today she was like 6 lbs 14oz or something. Fluid looked good. I still had some good sized pockets.

Because of my bp and the growth issue with baby B, the doc decided to induce me. When I was at the hospital earlier for the NST I was talking to the nurse about induction and she checked the schedule for me and said tomorrow was a good day. I told the doc that, so he called and scheduled me to come in tomorrow.

He also checked my cervix. I'm 3cm dilated, 60% effaced and a +1. Nobody told me how uncomfortable being "checked" is. Ouch and holy crap!

The plan tomorrow is to hook me up to some pitocin in the morning. The doc said he'll probably see me around noon to break my water then we'll go from there. I'm planning to do a vaginal delivery since both babies are head down. I'm don't have my heart set on it, so I'm up for a c-section if it comes to it. I'd just rather recover from a vaginal one instead of the surgery, and obviously I'll do whatever is best for the babes.

I do have to say though, after the doc checked my cervix around 2pm or so today I've been having a lot of menstrual cramps and some bleeding (he told me that would happen). It's now 5pm and I'm still cramping and still having some bleeding. I wonder if him checking me and messing around in my biz-ness set anything off. I guess we'll see!

Bags are packed, car seats and stroller are in the car. I guess we're as ready as we'll ever be. I can't wait to see them tomorrow. I can't even imagine what they will look like. Eeek!!

I'll leave you with one last belly pic I just took...37w5d.

Email test

2010-05-19T00:13:00.001-07:00

Okay, now I'm seeing if I can post of my email account. I've had this blog for a really long time. I can't believe I never figured out the text and email thing before. Geesh.

The New Busy think 9 to 5 is a cute idea. Combine multiple calendars with Hotmail. Get busy.

2010-05-19T00:04:00.001-07:00

Yay, I figured out how to post from my cell phone. Now I can keep ya'll updated from the hospital...when the time comes...

36w5d

2010-05-18T17:26:00.000-07:00

I'm still here. I haven't felt like blogging much...obviously. I'm reading blogs everyday, but just haven't felt like posting.

I had an appt yesterday to check my fluid and it still looks good. I had NSTs on Friday and today. Fridays was fine. Today baby A had some dips in her heart rate, and Dr. M was actually at the hospital and came to look at the strip and he decided things were still fine. I go back for another NST on Friday. I was really hoping today was going to be the day. I am so done. I emotionally exhausted and physically uncomfortable.

The pelvic pain I've complained about since probably the early 20's has never left. It has gradually gotten worse. I went to two grocery stores yesterday and it completely kicked my butt. I can hardly do anything around the house anymore. Bending over is pretty much out of the question so getting clothes out of the dryer is interesting. I can't do dishes at the sink because my belly is in the way. I don't know how many times I've almost burned my belly on the stove trying to cook. Yesterday Dr. M measured my belly at 48 cm. That is approximately the size of a belly at 48 weeks!!! Yeck.

I still sleep like crap, waking up every hour to hour and a half to pee. I wake up to roll over. I can only stay in bed for so long before my hips bother me. I've slept out in the recliner a few times lately.

I hate asking for help, but I don't have much choice anymore. Hubby does a lot for me, like getting me water, helping me up, and doing the driving when we go somewhere, but he is not a good housekeeper. I feel like a nag asking him to do stuff all the time. I don't think he understands that I'd like the house clean when we leave for the hospital. I've quit asking. I think he knows if he doesn't do it, the grandmas will take care of it while I'm in the hospital. Urg! I could go on and on about this...but I'll spare you.

Okay, I've worked myself into being pissy and teary eyed, so I'll leave you now. Hopefully I can post on here soon that we are on our way to the hospital or that the babies arrived!!

P.S. Sorry to be such a downer, I just really want these little girls to get here already!

36 week (almost) appt

2010-05-11T18:43:00.000-07:00

I had an appointment this morning. I'm 35w5d. I thought I was just going in to have my cervix checked, but the babies ended up being measured and he swabbed (or more like scraped) me to test for Strep B. No cervix check.

I had to have hubby drive me this morning because my pelvic pain was so bad I could barely walk, much less drive. Yesterday UPS stopped at the house and I opened the door and two of my three dogs were trying to escape. I was using my feet to try to push them in, but apparently my pubic bone didn't like the movement. Afterward I was in so much pain. I could hardly stand up without crying out. Walking was torture. I couldn't roll over in bed without major pain. I ended up sleeping in the recliner in the living room for a couple of hours. Thankfully it is finally feeling a little better now. I'm still in a lot of pain, but standing is better and walking isn't so torturous.

Anyway, Hubby drove me in to the appointment. We got to see our little piggies and they got measured. They are both a estimated to be a little over 7lbs each!!! Both are head down and both have their feet lodged in my ribs on the left side.

It is so uncomfortable now to lay on the exam table. I used to really enjoy having the u/s's done and I wished the doc would go slower so I could stare at them, but now I'm hoping he gets it over with quick so I can sit up. I had to have help getting my feet in the stirrups for the "scraping". I had to have Hubby help me sit up too. I can't wait to have my body back.

I asked the doc about induction. From what I've read in books and online the general consensus is that twins don't go past 38 weeks because the placentas tend to wear out. We'll apparently my doc doesn't think so. He said that I'd be induced if I got to my due date...of 40 WEEKS!!! I can't imagine having to be pregnant for another 4 weeks. He also said since they are both head down we could try for a vaginal delivery, but it's up to me what I want to do. I never thought I'd have a choice. I just assumed I'd end up having to do a c-section. Of course I will do whatever is best for the babies, but I'm nervous if I push one out the other is going to have some sort of distress or something and I'll have to have a c-section for the other. I really, REALLY, don't want to do both. I think I'll just wait and see what the situation is what it happens and decide from there.

Now I'm going in to see the doc once a week so he can check my amniotic fluid and I'll also be going to the hospital twice a week for NST's. My first NST is Friday. I'm really looking forward to it. I loved listening to them when I had my last one.

Well, I think that was about the gist of my appointment. I go back to see him on Monday.

Sad day

2010-05-08T12:32:00.000-07:00

I found out this morning my grandma died.

She went in for gallbladder surgery three days ago. She didn't wake up from surgery until the next day and they found her kidneys were having a hard time working and her breathing was really labored. Last night the doctors said her kidneys had failed and they started taking her off all the meds she was hooked up to and they gave her some other drugs to make her comfortable. This morning her breathing was harder for her.

Thankfully she was surrounded by her kids when she took her last breath. She wasn't awake either and I heard she went very peacefully.

My grandma used to live near me up until about six or seven years ago. Since then I've only seen her twice. She moved back to WI to be near more of her family (she has nine kids and most of them live in WI). I wish so bad that I could be there to say goodbye and be at her service. There is no way I can fly right now...I could go into labor at anytime...

I believe in my head that God has a plan and things happen for a reason, but I'm starting to lose faith in my heart. The timing of events in my life over the past nine months or so have just sucked...I just don't see the reason...

35 weeks

2010-05-06T13:27:00.000-07:00

Wow. 35 weeks. The end is so close!

I have really gotten uncomfortable in the last week or so. Last Thursday when I went up to Seattle for the NST and BP check I think was the turning point. My pelvis hurt so bad when I got home from being in the car for probably 3 hours total and spending hours sitting at the doc's office. I had a lot of contractions that day. I'm sure it was from dehydration. The contractions have improved a little, but in the evenings and at night I still get quite a few. They aren't painful at all, just uncomfortable because my belly gets so tight. I have started to feel some cramping, like menstrual cramps off and on, but nothing consistent or too uncomfortable.

On Monday I was helping hubby pick up the house and I had bent over a lot picking up dog toys, etc. so Hubby could vacuum...bad idea. Holy crap by back hurt so bad later that night and the next day. I'm sure it's because I've been so lazy for months and of course all the weight I have hanging on the front of me. I didn't go to work on Tuesday because my back hurt so bad. There was no way I was going to be able to sit in a chair for any amount of time at all.

I had decided last week that this Friday was going to be my last day at work. I've just gotten so uncomfortable and I figured I could use some time to rest up and relax, because those days are definitely numbered!! Well after the back issues on Tuesday, I went to work Wednesday and said I wanted to be done now. I think they anticipated that because they were not shocked and told me to finish up and head home. They didn't even want me to stay the whole 4 hours. So now, I'm officially done with work until at least July 6. I'm a little worried that if these babies don't show up soon I'm wasting my leave time not spending it with them. I'm sure though I can work something out with my office if the time comes and I decide to need more time with the babies. My boss told me just to email her every once in a while with how I'm doing. I'm so thankful to have a female boss...even though she doesn't have kids of her own. I think she is more understanding than a man would be. I know it sounds silly, but I feel guilty not being at work while I'm still pregnant. I have already checked my emails a couple of times...I can't help it - lol.

Last weekend my feet decided to start swelling. They have off and on, but mostly it happened when I would eat salty food. Now though it doesn't matter what I eat, I'm puffy. The swelling mostly goes down during the night, but it's still a little there in the morning. My fingers have been slightly puffy,but I've still been able to wear my wedding ring...even thought it's a little snug.

I don't think there is anything else we need to do to get ready for these babies. The nursery is ready. I took all the toys off the bed last night and also took the comforter off and draped it over the side since they won't be able to sleep under it for a while. There are just a few sheets and blankets I need to be washed, but all the clothes are washed and put away. The changing station is stocked, my bag is packed. The forms for their birth certificates and SSNs are as filled out as they can be right now. The car seats are in the car and the car has gas in it.

We are now just waiting. I'm being asked a thousand times from e-v-e-r-y-o-n-e how I'm feeling. that is another bonus to being gone from work...I couldn't walk anywhere without being harassed. I know everyone means well, but ugh, it is annoying...or maybe I'm just more irritable these days...

I talked to my mom the other day, I had to tell her to chill out. She's been OVERLY excited for these girls to arrive. We went from talking to each other on the phone once a week or less to now she calls me almost everyday asking how I'm doing, if anything has changed, then I have to listen to her disappointment that the babies are sticking around for a while. I've tried DRILLING into her that the longer they are in the better. My twin "due date" isn't until next week. We want them to stay in there as long as possible so they can be as healthy as possible. Ugh, she is so selfish. I called her for something the other day and she was almost squealing when she answered the phone, then when she realized I wasn't calling to tell her I was at the hospital she didn't bother hiding her disappointment. Sadly, I roll my eyes when I see her calling. I'm a little nervous about how she is going to be at the hospital. Okay, I could go on, but I guess I should stop...

Okay, I have more thoughts in this brain to blog about, but I think this is enough for now. My next appointment isn't until next Tuesday...I'll keep you posted!

34 weeks - a big day!

2010-04-29T15:17:00.000-07:00

First of all - yay for reaching 34 weeks! It's official, I can stay in town to deliver and not go up north. Such a relief!

Now that I know for sure which hospital I am going to, I can pre-register. That is totally exciting and scary at the same time. I guess this is for real. We have to baby girls coming VERY soon!

I also have printed the paper work to fill out for their birth certificates and SSN's.

Today I also had an appointment at the UW Me.dical Cen.ter. First I had a NST (non-stress test) done. It was the first time I got to hear the babies heartbeats. It was such a beautiful sound! When the nurse started hooking up the dopplers, I told her on Tuesday they were both head down. She found baby A's right away. Baby B she searched around a little then finally gave up and went to get the u/s machine since she couldn't pin point her heartbeat. After using the u/s she found B's right away...and now she's transverse. Ugh, stubborn child! How is that physically possible with the amount of room they have in there for one to be head down and the other sideways? Strange.

Baby A was pretty active at first, but then fell asleep, so the nurse had to wake her up. She had this little vibrating buzzer thingy and put it about where A's rump was and buzzed her once. Poor little girl was woken up in a second. Both babies were very awake after that.

I also had a monitor on me for contractions. I think during the test, which lasted 20-30 mins I had 4-5 contractions. Later when I saw the doc he noticed it but said it's to be expected at this point.

After the NST, I went to have the u/s's done on my arteries. Everything went smooth for that too.

Finally it was time to sit and wait for the doc to go over everything with me. After waiting for about an hour - again - for him to come into the room, we went over the results. My blood pressures have been really good. My blood flow is back in the normal range and not high or borderline anymore - woohoo!

He asked me if we were planning to have any more kids after this pregnancy. I said nope, this is it. He said "What's the plan?" I was confused, I said "What plan?" he said for birth control. I told him I hadn't even thought about it much, but I was on the pill before and will probably go back to that. He suggested something like an IUD since with having babies I might not remember to take the pill everyday. Okay, I get that. I'll think about it later. He said what we really need to do it have "Dad" get a vasectomy. Um...no. I just kind of laughed it off. Seriously though, I wouldn't even consider that, for one, it is so permanent. I know right now we don't plan to have more kids, but we aren't even 30 yet, maybe in two or three years we'll change our minds, or maybe not, but I want to leave the option available. Besides, with me having PCOS, I'll have to control it with hormones somehow, like with the pill, or whatever my doc and I decide will work best. I don't know why it irked me so bad, I guess because I won't even consider asking Hubby to do that, and probably because the doc went on and on about it for a few minutes.

Anyway, that was about the gist of the appointment. He, like Dr. M, even told me how well I'm doing. He said twins are supposed to be complicated, but I haven't been complicated at all. The NST nurse was surprised I hadn't had any issues at all and haven't had to go to the hospital for anything. I guess I'm just awesome like that - lol. Then doc said "Congrats, you've graduated" and that was it. I'm done with the UWMC - yes!!

Now I'm off to fill out paperwork and pre-register!!

33w5d appt

2010-04-27T13:19:00.000-07:00

I had my appointment this morning. I got to drink the lovely glucola again, since my babies are large, he wants to double check there is no insulin issues. I should hear the results in a few days.

He did a quick ultrasound to look at the heartbeats this morning and they are still going strong!

He also checked my cervix via u/s, still long and closed! I don't know why I'm so surprised, but I really am. For some reason I thought there would be a big change and I'd be sent to the hospital or be put on strict bed rest or something. Nope. My body is holding up really well! It's about time it does what it's supposed to!

While he was doing the u/s we got to see the heads of both babies. They are still both head down. It was cute and he printed the pic for me. I'll see if I can get it posted soon.

It is looking like these babies might stay head down. I wondered if they were still in that position (they were at my last appointment), because they have been moving like crazy lately. I guess that is just four knees and feet pummeling my diaphram, lungs and ribs :0)

Dr. M asked if I was still working. I told him I was still working 4 hours a day. He was really surprised. He said I am doing really, really well. I don't know if he was in a particularly good mood this morning or if I am really that amazing (ha!), but he was so happy for me that I'm doing so well.

I can't believe 34 weeks is Thursday already! I get to stay in town to deliver - yay!!! Thursday I'm also trekking back up to Seattle to the bp doc. I know I'm having a NST done, but I'm not sure what else. I'm planning not to work that day since sitting in the car and at the appointment will be enough for my pelvis that day I think.

I had all kinds of questions for the doc today, but it was kind of crazy at his office. Normally after my u/s's I meet him in his office to discuss the results. Today, since I had to have my blood drawn exactly an hour after I drank the gunk I had to go from my u/s to the nurses station. I thought I'd go back to his office when I was done, but he met me out there. He was talking, the nurse was poking me, the receptionist was telling him he had a call on line 1...it was very distracting. The next thing I know he's on the phone, I'm at the reception desk scheduling my next appointment and then that's it.

None of the questions were too important, but more curiosity questions. I guess it's nothing I can't ask about at my next appointment...if I get there :0)

Next appointment in two weeks - I'll be two days shy of 36 - yahoo!! Oh and he said that if I get to 36 then the babies will probably be able to come home with me right away and not have to stay longer!!

33 weeks!!

2010-04-23T11:21:00.001-07:00

Wow, time is really flying now...although it seemed to have gone fast most of this pregnancy. I can't believe we are down to mere weeks instead of months!

Yesterday my body decided to celebrate by giving me a mini panic attack. I went to the bathroom when I got up in the morning and saw some light brown discharge. My first thoughts were that my car is almost on empty, I haven't packed my bag yet and we don't know "exactly" where the hospital is up north. Then reality sank in and I calmed myself down. Spotting can happen for a long time before labor. There was no fresh blood and I wasn't having any other contractions or anything. If I saw it again I was going to call the doctor's office just to let them know, but it didn't happen again, so I guess it was just a fluke.

My hips are starting to really bother me from sleeping on my sides. Even now they are still aching and I've been up for over 3 hours. I can't wait to sleep on my back again!

I'm curious how much weight I've packed on since my last appointment. My belly is feeling so heavy these days. Getting ready for work in the morning is tiring. I end up sitting on the toilet lid while I brush my teeth because I'm tired already. I've given up cooking anything that takes any time at all or else I have to go sit down every few minutes.

Of course bending over is pretty much out of the question. I wear slip on shoes all the time too. Drying my legs and feet off has become quite interesting when I get out of the shower, so has shaving my legs. I'm probably going to give up soon. Apologies now to Dr. M and Hubby...although Dr. M has seen worse I'm sure.

I just have to get through 5 more days then I can deliver locally. My fingers (and legs) are crossed - lol!

I have a doctor appointment next Tuesday to check my cervix. Hopefully it's still holding up. Then Thursday I get to trek back to Seattle for another blood pressure appointment. They said I'll have a NST done too. I'm going to ask my regular doctor on Tuesday about it though. I would think he could do that test if it is necessary. I just don't think I need to travel all the way up there this late in the game. We'll see.

Anywho, I think that's about it. Have a great weekend ya'll!

Baby Pool

2010-04-20T10:22:00.000-07:00

A coworker suggested I set up a baby pool for people to guess when the girls will arrive. If you wanna play, click the button on the right of my blog for ExpectNet. The name of the game is ladybugs.

Have fun!

We won the game!

2010-04-15T14:36:00.000-07:00

I'm 32 weeks today!! **wearing party hat and blowing a kazoo**

According to my doc we've "won the game"...I consider it more of a battle or a war, but a game sounds nicer. He says if we reached 32 weeks most babies have no problems. What a huge relief!

How am I feeling? Uncomfortable! This last week or so I've really felt a lot of changes in my belly. I don't know if it was the knowledge of finding out they are 4.5lbs each or what, but man, can I feel it. My pelvic pain that I've complained about has not left. And now it's gotten to the point where it won't even go away over night anymore. I used to feel pretty good in the morning and then get sore in the afternoon and evening, but sleeping seemed to cure it. Oh well...this too shall pass.

I've also really noticed how hard it is to breathe these days. Reclining and laying down is when it's the worst. Thankfully that doesn't last all day. Usually when they are the most active in the evenings is when I feel it the most. It's almost equal now between them kicking and just rolling around. The rolling makes me feel nauseous. It is the strangest feeling. There is also a body part that keeps lodging itself in my right groin area. I feel it when I sit up straight, walk and when I go the bathroom.

Speaking of going to the bathroom. I am up every 2-3 hours at night to pee. I think the worst part though, (TMI alert) is the randomness of going numero dos. Thankfully I haven't experienced any constipation at all this whole pregnancy (knock on wood), but my schedule is definitely off. I used to be so regular. I could set my clock by it. Now, it happens anytime...even when I'm sleeping the urge will wake me up. That is no fun.

I've been drinking a lot of water at night too to keep the BH contractions away. I think it's actually been helping with the contractions, and obviously keeping me heading to the bathroom all the time. The contractions have seemed to almost completely gone away. Some days I bet I don't even have two of them. I'm so happy. I was worried there for a while when I consistently had 6-8 a day.

Hmm, let's see, any other updates? Oh, I have decided to hold off on the Zoloft the doc prescribed. We'll see how I do after the babies are here. I think the main stressors that have me so depressed are temporary and after the babies arrive and the dust settles and we get back to a normal work schedule our finances will work themselves out. And with that under control it will really help with some other issues we've been dealing with lately. I tell ya, it seems that just as things start to look up something else happens. I'm hoping that we will be able to start moving forward and looking up instead of bracing for the next thing.

Okay, I'm thinking that's all for now. Plus, my arms are totally stretched out to type since the laptop is so far away because of the belly (I've already had to adjust my seat in the car because the belly is up against the steering wheel).

Alright, that's all folks.

31 week appt

2010-04-08T16:36:00.000-07:00

All's good in da 'hood.

My cervix is still long and closed. Yay!

Babies are measuring at about 4.5lbs each!! They've been consistently larger than average, so the doc isn't concerned at all, but just as a precaution I'm retaking the glucose test at my next appointment. I passed the last one with flying colors, but to to be safe we're doing it again.

With all that's been going on in our lives in the last 4 months or so, I feel like I've become a little depressed. I've definitely been stressed, although I'm trying hard not to let it bother me. I talked to the doc about my feelings and that I'm really nervous that if I feel the way I do now, that when the babies are here and I'm tired from lack of sleep and taking care of them that I won't like them or I'll resent them or something. He talked to me about maybe seeing a counselor and he also wrote a script for Zo.loft.

I feel like talking to a counselor could be an option, although the things going on are things that will get better with time, and honestly at this point. I don't have the dough to fork out money even for my copay. I also feel like he was really quick to write the Rx. I'm going to do a little research first before I fill it. I guess I don't know what I expected him to say when I told him about it other than recommending counseling or meds, but I'm not sure if that's what I want to do. He did ask if I cry often over nothing. Which I definitely do. He also asked if I have a hard time sleeping, which I do as well, and most of the time it's not pregnancy related. My mind keeps me up and wakes me up all the time. It's been weeks, if not months since I've had a good night's sleep and felt rested and refreshed when I wake up.

Anyway, we'll see how it all plays out. I've just never been a pill popper, but I do want to be in a a better state of mind when these little innocent bundles arrive.

My next appointment is in 3 weeks (since the doc will be on vaca in HI - lucky!). Hopefully these girls stay in until then. I'll be 34 weeks by then and I'll be able to deliver in town!

30w6d belly pics/1st outfit pics

2010-04-07T18:11:00.000-07:00

I always have a heck of a time writing between the pics, and I can't seem to arrange them in the order I want. Today, I don't have the energy to fight with it, so I am taking the easy route...

The first few pics are of the outfits I think we'll bring the girls home from the hospital in. I love the little bunny feet and ruffle-y bottoms. Super cute.

The other pics obviously are of my belly. I don't really feel much bigger since I took pics last time, but Hubby says I am. I know for sure my belly is heavier and it's harder to stand for very long these days.

I have a doc appointment tomorrow. I'll let you know how it goes!

Some nursery pics

2010-03-31T21:11:00.001-07:00

Two pics we need to hang. The top one is what I told you Hubby had growing up that his mom made. I love it!
My $10 cr.aigslis.t find. My mom painted it white. Not too shabby!
The closet lined with diapers and wipes. The baskets only have clothes sizes NB and 0-3 months.
Again, the only clothes hanging are NB and 0-3 months. The top shelf has bigger sizes. And the bottom of the closet is lined with diapers and wipes.
Cutest lil lady bug bedding!

All the little toys they have already.
The glider/ottoman that I was surprised with (please ignore the garbage on the floor).

So, as you can see. Some more work to do, but we are close to done!

Some shower pics

2010-03-31T21:05:00.000-07:00

We got two of these little seahorse thingies. They play really nice relaxing music and the bellies light up.
Of course scads of clothes too!
The gift table...
And the diaper cake my mom made.

Crunch time!

2010-03-30T12:35:00.000-07:00

I am really starting to feel the pressure to make sure everything is in order for when these babies arrive. I have so many lists going of things I want/need to do. My latest idea of a good thing to do it plan ahead and freeze some meals for us. Instead of working at working today (shhh!), I've been googling all sorts of recipes I can make and freeze. There are several meals that require tomato sauce. I make spaghetti sauce from scratch, and while it is simple, it takes a while to do. I am thinking of dedicating my weekend to getting all these meals done. Or at least some. I figure Friday I could make the sauce, then Saturday I could assemble some meals to freeze. Of course this requires a clean kitchen, so between now and Friday I need to take care of that.

My other priority is to get my hospital bag packed. I can't believe it's that time already! And of course in order to do that...I need to do laundry. I don't mind the loading of the machines, but the putting away it what I hate. I suppose I need to get over it...the laundry is only going to get worse! :0)

Next is finishing the nursery/buying the last few items. I feel like I'm completely organized with the clothes, and other miscellaneous items, but we need some sort of shelving in there, like a book shelf to put a lamp on and the cutest darn piggy banks they got from one of the grandmas, plus books, etc. I want to put a touch lamp in there so it can be really dim if I want it. And, they need bedding still! I have some sheets that I got from the showers, but I still haven't bought the bedding set(s). I figured I only need one for now and we can get the second set later when we set up the second crib. We also need some sort of garbage pail or diaper g.enie to put in there...hmm...what else? Oh bottles! We don't have any. My original idea was to use the drop-in system...but now I'm second guessing that decision and wondering if I should just use regular old bottles. Does anyone have an opinion on that? My thinking was to take convenience over expense. But now I'm wondering how convenient the drop-ins would be. I'd have to stock up and go buy more when we run out instead of using the same bottles over again and just washing them. Hmm...

One last thing in the nursery that isn't a must, but would be nice, is if I could find some sort of curtain/shower curtain to put in the closet and remove the doors. Right now there are two sliding doors, but they are kinda narrow and the sides of the closet are kinda deep so it's not exactly easy to see everything with one side open. Of course it isn't a necessity, but it's be nice. I think that's about it for the nursery...although writing it all out it kinds sounds like a lot.

I need to take some time and reorganize my kitchen cupboards to make room for bottles. Currently we have a large cupboard that has miscellaneous crap in it that just needs a new home. If I got that cleaned out, I could move some other stuff around and that would work fine...I think.

Of course there are many other little projects I would have loved to get done, but they are just not possible with Hubby still on the mend and me not able to do a whole lot. Besides, are the babies really going to notice if the garage isn't cleaned or the flower bed isn't weeded? I doubt it.

I'm going to leave you with two questions...

1) What are your thoughts on bottles (drop-ins vs. regular)?
2) Any tips on what to pack in a hospital bag (other than what the books tell you to pack)?

Work shower

2010-03-25T20:23:00.000-07:00

I had my work shower today. It was short and sweet. As soon as I get a copy of the pic I'll have to show you how the cake turned out. It was so stinkin' cute! It was a flat sheet cake and the bakery piped big fluffy daisies with big fat ladybugs sitting on the flowers. the background was a real light green. So cute! It was nummy too - white cake with raspberry filling...mmm...

The shower lasted about 20 minutes. I was surprised it was so short - but happy. I don't like the attention, as you know. There were some individuals who bought gifts and the office also took donations to get a gift card to Costco. Of course a lot of the gifts were clothes, but thankfully they were larger sizes. The gift card has a very generous amount on it and it will come in handy for diapers, formula (if we need it), and any of the other wonderful items Costco carries.

It was a very nice little party. My office is always so thoughtful.

29 week appt

2010-03-25T19:22:00.000-07:00

I had an appointment this morning. It was mainly to check my cervix. Before the u/s got started the doc asked me if I was on bed rest. I told him I was on half days. He said about this time he usually recommends bed rest for the rest of the pregnancy. My first thought was NOOO! Hubby is still a long ways away from going back to work and we are already on half my income. But...anything to get these girls here safely. So I swallowed hard and we proceeded with the u/s. THANKFULLY my cervix still looked good. He said it was a little shorter than before, but that is normal for a progressing pregnancy. I asked if I could still work half days and he, hesitantly, said yes, but I have to take it easy when I'm home. He said to have lazy weekends and lay on the couch and watch movies. I have a feeling maybe after my next appointment (in two weeks) he's going to put me on bed rest. I guess we'll cross that bridge when we get there.

My plan after work today was to go to the post office then to Costco...but I didn't do either. Instead I came home and ended up sleeping for 3 hours. I wish I could sleep good at night, then I wouldn't have to sleep for hours during the day.

Speaking of not sleeping at night, this last week or so I've been waking up contracting whenever I roll over. I told the doc about this and he said I may be getting dehydrated during the night so to keep water by the bed. I do that anyway, but mostly to sip if my throat gets dry. I guess I'll need to make sure I drink more. I feel like our water lately had crack in it. I drink so much water lately. I guess it's just natural since my body had all that extra blood and it changing out the amniotic water daily, but geesh, I drink a lot - and pee a lot! I've been getting up about every two hours at night to go to the bathroom, which is another reason I don't sleep great.

Dr. M took a quick look at the kiddos, and whaduyaknow, they flipped again. Baby A's head is now on the left and B's is on the right. I have no idea how they have room in there to do somersaults. We just took a quick look to make sure their hearts are still beating. Of course it took a minute to track down their hearts because they were moving so much :0)

Oh and my blood pressure was good. I think it was 118/63 - yay!

Next appointment is in two weeks. At that one he'll measure everyone again. Oh! Today my belly measured at 39 weeks!! No wonder my tummy muscles feel so tired after standing for a while!

Weekend Update

2010-03-24T11:19:00.000-07:00

Well, now that it's Wednesday already, I guess I better post about my weekend!

Saturday I went to a baby consignment sale. I was very disappointed. They way it was advertised I thought it'd be a ton of furniture, clothes, gadgets, etc. Instead it was a fairly small conference area, with mostly vendors selling anything from baby stuff to candles and Tupperware. Then a large portion was racks of clothes. There was a VERY small area that actually had other "stuff". I did not buy one thing. My mom went with me and she bought some cute outfits, but that was about it. I think we spent a whopping hour...maybe an hour and a half there. Most of the time we were yakking with people my mom knew. I think the best part of that morning was going out to breakfast after. I had homemade cinnamon bread french toast. Mmm...I'm still thinking about it days later. If the restaurant wasn't 40 minutes away I'd go again tomorrow.

Sunday was my shower day. My.shower.day. I've been to so many, I never thought I'd have my own. It was very cool - although I will say, I'll be happy when the babies arrive so the attention goes to them and not me. I don't like to be the center of attention, it makes me nervous :0)

The shower was nice. There were about 20 friends and family there. My mom made a cute little diaper cake, and of course there were snacks and punch. Let me tell ya...these two little girls are so spoiled already. They got tons of gifts. I swear they won't wear the same outfit twice. We also seem to be pretty stocked on diapers for a while - and definitely wipes! I think I figured we have about 4,000 wipes and well over 1,000 diapers. AND one other nice thing is we got the car seats! They are sitting in my living room now, but I am planning to stick them in the car one of these days soon. That will be weird having car seats in my car. I'll have to take pictures - lol.

On Monday my mom came over and looked through the loot (since she didn't get a good look being busy at the party). She and my dad hauled it all back to the nursery, then I spent a good 2-3 hours that night organizing and putting away items. I'm not even done yet. I also got a wonderful surprise on Monday from my MIL. I got home from work and she was at the house visiting Hubby. She grabbed my hand and let me down the hall to the closed door of the nursery. I opened the door and to my surprise there was a glider chair and ottoman with a big soft blanket and pillow sitting on it. To top it off she gave me a framed piece that she (I think cross-stitched??) made when her kids were little and had it hanging while she rocked them in her rocker. Now I get to hang it in our nursery while I rock our babies. I love homemade family stuff like that. I got all choked up. Hubby says he remembers it hanging in their house for as long as he can remember. It was really really sweet.

Tomorrow I have my shower at work. Everyone is being all "hush-hush" about it. I hope it's not too big of a deal. Maybe this weekend I'll be able to go out and get the rest of the items we are missing. It's not much at all, but it's of course the bigger ticket items, like bedding, a pack n play, one of those strollers that the car seats can snap into, oh and bottles.

Also tomorrow morning I have a doctor appointment to check my cervix. Hopefully everything is still a-ok. I'll be 29 weeks tomorrow!!! I also want to ask him about the BH contractions again. I've had significantly less since I cut back my hours, but for some reason at night I have a lot while I'm sleeping. It seems like every time I roll over my uterus seizes up. I'm not sure there is anything I can do about it, but it doesn't hurt to ask.

I'll update you tomorrow on how everything goes! :0)

28 weeks and stuff...

2010-03-18T12:14:00.001-07:00

I'm 28 weeks today. Officially in the third trimester. I can't believe how fast time is flying! I'm so thankful that we have reached this major milestone. The doc mentioned way back when I was probably 14 weeks that 28 weeks was our first goal to get to. I made it - yay!

I had my follow up appointment at the UW Medical Center this morning for my blood pressure. I guess the pills I've been popping are doing their job. My bp was about 114/63. Not too shabby! According to their chart I'm finally where I'm supposed to be, as far as heart rate/bp, etc, for as far along as I am. Last time I was off the chart - yikes! They didn't do a new u/s but they looked at the last u/s I had two weeks ago from my other doctor and they said things are looking good. The girls were measuring a little above average. I knew that already, but it was good to hear again. I know one of the possibilities from taking the atenelol (sp?) is that it can hinder the baby's growth. Thankfully that isn't the case for me.

Over all, I'm pretty impressed with my body. It's finally giving me a break. It was such a struggle to get pregnant, I figured I'd have all kinds of issues once I got pregnant too. Thankfully (fingers crossed & knock on wood), I have had no big issues at all. My belly measured at 34 weeks today, which is a little bigger than is "should" be, but since the girls are a little bigger too, I'm guessing it's no big deal.

In other news, poor Hubby is STILL in the hospital. When he had his surgery last Thursday we anticipated him being discharged on Monday or Tuesday. Due to an infection he got in one of his wounds, he's still there. They thought he might be able to come home today, but it's now 12:30pm and still no word if that is going to happen. I'm guessing it will be tomorrow. Poor guy has had nothing but trouble his whole stay at the hospital. If you ask me, they are all a bunch of idiots and I'm reconsidering my loyalty to that hospital and thinking delivering up north doesn't sounds like such a bad idea after all. If you're the praying type, send one up for him. He's in a lot of pain and his body is working really hard to heal itself. :0(

Well, I think that about wraps it up. I have a consignment sale to go to on Saturday, my baby shower on Sunday and my work shower next Thursday. I can't wait to start setting up the nursery and putting everything away!

My lucky day!

2010-03-17T16:11:00.000-07:00

I just got home from visiting the hospital a little bit ago (Hubby is still in, had some complications, but should be home tomorrow). While I was a work today my MIL and SIL came cover and shampooed all the carpets in my house, plus cleaned the hardwood and my kitchen!!! What a great surprise! It made me teary eyed! They had to have worked their tails off! When Hubby and I just shampoo the living room and hallway I'm exhausted.

It's really hard for me to ask for help and to accept help. I know several people have offered several times to come and help with house stuff, but I always decline. I guess MIL figured she should just come and do it - lol. I told Hubby about it and apparently he already knew they were going to do it and just didn't tell me.

So thank you so much Cathy and Lauren! I can't thank you enough!!

Me at work

2010-03-15T12:11:00.000-07:00

One of my supervisors thought it'd be funny to take a pic of me at my desk and send it to one of my coworkers who works out of state.

Like I've said before my office has been really accomodating to me whether it be for my doctor appointments...or my desk set up. Since I've been experiencing all this pelvic pain, they have tried to make me more comfortable while I'm here. Below are a couple of pics...

And of course my belly at 27w4d...

The plan is, not to plan

2010-03-12T14:51:00.000-08:00

If my infertility taught me nothing else, it taught me that I have no control over my body. Why would pregnancy be any different?

I've been asked a lot lately what my "plan" is for the delivery. My answer? No plan.

I suppose if I were pregnant with a singleton. I could plan on going to 40 weeks. I could plan on going to my local hospital. I could plan on having a vaginal delivery. I could plan on not having an epidural. I could plan on being in the hospital for a couple of days then going home with my bundle of joy.

Twins make such a difference.

I feel like going to 36 weeks is just a goal. I don't feel like I can plan on going that far. A while ago the doctor told us our first goal was to get to 28 weeks; that most babies are viable after that time. Our next goal is to get to 32 weeks; babies delivered after then typically don't have any major issues. Our final goal of course is 36 weeks.

I have another set of goals too. I would really like to deliver at our local hospital. To be able to do that I have to deliver after 34 weeks. If I go before then, then we'll have to travel up north a little and deliver at a bigger hospital that is equipped to handle premature babies. Obviously the longer that babies can stay in my belly the better for them, but it would be better for me if they will stay in so I can stay local.

What is my "plan" for delivery? Well, before I knew I was having twins, my wish had always been to deliver vaginally with no epidural (other pain meds would be fine) - if you don't remember from all my posts last September, I dislike needles...like a lot! Anyway, now that that plan is out. I'm preparing myself for having a c-section. From what I read about 50% of twins are born vaginally the other 50% via cesarean. My doc told me a lot of times what can happen is the mom can push one out, but the other isn't in a good position, or is under stress, or whatever, then she'll have to have a cesarean for the other. He said most of the time mom's opt to just go for the cesarean. I think I'm going to board that bus. Why go through the "trauma" of pushing out one baby and all the loveliness that can happen to your body, just to go into the OR and have them cut you open and stitch you up too? No matter what, I'd have to deliver in the OR in case something happened. I'm sure they'd want me to have an epidural in case they needed to do an emergency c-section. So if I'm there and prepared already, I might as well go for it, right? Besides the girls have been transverse the whole pregnancy anyway, I'm guessing they aren't going to change anytime soon.

So that is my plan...or lack thereof. Only God knows when these girls are going to arrive. Only God knows where they will be delivered. I am just along for the ride and waiting to bring home my widdle gwirls!!

A sweet gift

2010-03-12T12:06:00.001-08:00

Today at work I went to check my mailbox. I had a pink envelope with my name on it. I opened it to find a really nice card from a lady at work whose last day is today. The card was very sweet and she wrote a really nice note inside and included inside was a CD of heartbeats blended with nature sounds to soothe our little girls when they arrive.

I got really choked up. I went out to the front desk to thank her, but she had just left for lunch and wouldn't be back until after I was already gone for the day. I'm so sad I missed her. Thankfully her daughter works here, so I can send her a thank you note.

I just wanted to share. It really touched my heart today.

Surgery day

2010-03-11T16:26:00.000-08:00

All went as well as it could. The surgeon was able to go in a make a small incision to hook everything back up. Hubby seems to be a lot more comfortable than he was last time right after surgery - although I'm sure he'd say he's not comfortable at all.

We are expecting him to be in the hospital for 5-6 days. I'm so relieved this will all be behind us soon.

Thanks for your thoughts/prayers!!!

The eve of Hubby's surgery

2010-03-10T09:44:00.000-08:00

The day has finally come! Tomorrow morning, before the sun comes up, we'll be trekking over to the hospital to get Hubby checked in for one last surgery. We will both be so glad when this over and behind us.

We are anticipating he'll be in the hospital for 4-5 days. The waiting will be to make sure his digestive system is back and running like normal. I'm guessing he'll be coming home on Monday.

We're going to have a busy day getting the house all cleaned up. I really want it spic and span when he comes home, and with my "condition" I cant' get it all done myself...plus part of it is cleaning bathrooms, so he can help with that - lol (not to mention it is my least favorite chore). Our pooches also need food, so while he can lift we'll have to buy some today, because I think we'll run out in a couple of days and I can't be lugging around a 35lb bag of hound food. It's just not possible with the belly in the way.

This surgery couldn't have come soon enough. I'm running out of paid leave at work, so my checks are soon to be cut in half. Hopefully he can heal quickly and get his keester back to work asap. These babies are going to be here in 9 weeks or less, so before we know it I won't be working at all. Whew, time is flying now!

Please keep Hubby in your thoughts/prayers for a simple surgery and speedy recovery!

26 week belly pics

2010-03-04T20:10:00.000-08:00

Okay, I'm finally going to do it...I'm going to show the world my belly. My belly has never seen the light of day...or a camera. Here are a couple of pics I took tonight.

26 weeks!

2010-03-04T12:37:00.000-08:00

Wow, I can't believe how quickly I arrived here! Some weeks seem to go faster or slower than others, but over all this has been a fast 6 1/2 months!

I had a doctor appointment this morning. He took time to measure the girls...and confirm that they are really girls. They are both weighing 2 lbs 3 oz already! They are in the 80th percentile. I'm so happy that they are weighing well, because I was really worried about small little babies. Hopefully they keep up with the pace and are healthy weights when they arrive. They are both about 13 inches long too. That's a lot of bebeh!

My cervix still looks good. He didn't say how it compared to my last measurement, but if he thinks its fine then I'm not going to worry.

I talked to him about my pelvic pain and all the BH contractions that I've been having. I showed him my list I've been keeping of the daily tally of contractions and there is definitely a difference when I'm at work and when I'm home. To remedy the problem I'm going on half days now at work. Financially, this sucks, but I am really looking forward to relaxing a bit more and enjoying our last couple of months of freedom (and quiet) around the house! :0)

My office has been very understanding and supportive. They've rearranged my desk area and even bought a stand/tray thingy that hold my keyboard so I can recline in my chair, put my feet up and still work. This has helped take the pressure off my pubic bone, which has helped in the pain department. We've worked out coverage already, so me going to half days is not a big deal.

Back to my appointment...I also did that one-hour glucose test today. I have to say that syrupy drink wasn't so bad. It helped a lot that it was ice cold and I could chug it all down with out coming up for air. I got my blood drawn an hour later, now we just have to wait for the results. Hopefully we'll know by Monday or Tuesday.

Blood pressure was good today too. I think is was 120/63 or 68. Also I'm up about 9 lbs since my last appointment. That's about 16lbs total. Not too shabby!

Good appointment overall. I go back to Seattle the heart place for a follow up in two weeks, then the following week I'll have my cervix checked again.

We're getting close!!

I get it now!

2010-03-02T09:46:00.000-08:00

When I was going through all my infertility drama, during the treatments and the breaks, etc., I would notice almost all pregnant women seemed to constantly have their hand on their belly. Of course this would drive me crazy, like they were rubbing it in that they were pregnant and I wasn't - like their bulging belly wasn't enough of a reminder that I was broken - although they obviously didn't know what I was going through.

But, now, I think I get it.

I find myself with my hand(s) on my belly all the time and for different reasons:

While at my desk or lounging on the couch, if the babies are moving, I'll try to see if I can feel them on the outside;

While standing or walking, if I feel a contraction, I'll feel to see if it really is one, and;

While in the car, if I'm a passenger - and Hubby is driving, I'll put both my hands on my belly to keep them from getting sloshed around by his driving (which by the way, will need to change if he thinks he's driving MY kids around - lol).

******

Oh, and an update on the BH contractions I've been experiencing...

Work definitely seems to contribute to having more contractions. I've been diligently keeping track of how many I've had each day, since I had the "bad" day last Thursday. Here is my current breakdown:

Thursday - 10 or more (this is when I started keeping track)
Friday - 7 (I had 4 by 11am, so I went home at noon)
Saturday - 4
Sunday - 2
Monday - 7
Today - so far none, but it's only 10:30am.

I just have to get through today and tomorrow before my next appointment with the doc. I'm going to talk to him about what is going on, and of course depending on how my cervix is doing, I'd like to go to half days. Financially this would not be good, but the babies are more important at the moment and going to half days is better than not working at all. I only have about 10ish weeks to go, so in the grand scheme of things, that not that much longer.

My first early day

2010-02-26T19:08:00.000-08:00

Today I left work early for the babies.

Yesterday was a bad day for BH contractions. The doc says I am allowed up to 10 a day and if I have more I need to call him. Well yesterday I'm pretty sure at at least got to 10 if not one or two over.

Today I decided I would take it easy and make myself sit at my desk at work and not do a bunch of running around. So many people at work have offered to do even the simplest things for me like filling my water bottle or getting documents off the printer for me. I normally hate asking for help, but today I was going to give in and let people help me. Well that didn't seem to help today. I had three by about 10am. I figured okay, I'll allow myself six and then I'll go home and relax. Well shortly after that I had another one. I decided to go talk to by boss and let her know I probably won't be staying the whole day. I told her why and she told me to go home now. At that time it was about 11:20, I decided I would leave at noon. So I did.

I came home ate some lunch and parked my keester in the recliner. I've probably had two or three more since I've been home, but I've been home for six hours...so I don't think that's so bad.

I did call my doc when I left the office just to let them know what's going on.

I'm only 25 weeks, I'd hate for anything bad to happen. I'm making myself swallow my pride and let people help me. Hubby has been so good. He was a little upset with me yesterday that I didn't leave work early, so I promised today I would be more careful.

I know I get them the most when my pelvis is really hurting me. It hurts me the most at work, because I'm sitting upright all day, so when I go to stand it is pretty painful then I contract. At home I'm reclined, with my feet up, so there is hardly any pressure at all on my pelvis. It is still uncomfortable to get up, but not as bad at all. I have a feeling that I'll be cut to half days sooner that later. In fact, at my appointment next week I'm going to let the doctor know I think that would be best. As much as it would suck financially, the babies are more important.

Now let me clarify the contractions I'm feeling. They aren't labor contractions, they are Braxton Hicks contractions. They aren't painful, but my uterus contracts and gets really hard. I have a hard time telling if I'm having one when I'm walking because my tummy gets tight when I'm standing anyway. If I feel like I might be having one while I'm walking, I stop and try to relax my tummy then push to see if it feels hard. I've also had a couple of these the last few night while I'm sleeping. It cramps so hard I wake up.

I'm assuming this weekend I'll be feeling better, since I'm pretty lazy on the weekends, then we'll see how next week goes. My appointment isn't until Thursday, so hopefully nothing happens between now and then. I'm so thankful my boss is treating me so good. The only thing she could do better is to get me a laptop (we have spares at the office) that has our database on it so I could work while I'm at home. That's the problem is the database. I guess they are concerned about security. Oh well...

Just checking in

2010-02-22T11:39:00.001-08:00

Since it's been about a week since my last post, I thought I'd drop in and say hi.

Not much new going on these days. I had a bad heartburn all week last week, but it seemed to go away over the weekend. I'm also a massive pizza face lately. I'm blaming hormones and stress. I swear I didn't break out this bad even in high school, but whaduya do? Sadly, make up doesn't help much, and probably makes it worse.

I do have a baby shower planned. I never thought that I'd be able to have a baby shower of my own. I thought I would always be the attendee. This should be interesting. My mother is planning it for March 21. Invites are going in the mail this week. I can't believe it's almost March already, where has January and February gone?

March is going to go by fast too, I have a feeling. Each week there is something going on. We get to look at the babies again on the 4th. I can't wait to see them again and how much they've grown. They sure are kicking a lot these days. Sometimes, if they get me in just the right spot it almost hurts - they're strong lil' buggers. My bladder is also getting crowded. I feel like I'm spending half the day in the bathroom. I've been getting up about every two hours to pee at night.

Hubby also has his next surgery in about 2 1/2 weeks. Hopefully it won't be as invasive and he'll recover quickly. It will be nice to have both the surgeries behind us and be able to focus on the babies and getting ready for their arrival.

Well, I guess that about wraps it up for now. Ta ta!

A little sunshine

2010-02-16T15:33:00.000-08:00

Finally some good news in our house!

Hubby had an appointment today with his surgeon. He decided to bump up his surgery from March 22 to the 11th. Not only does that mean he can have reversal surgery quicker, but he will have two more weeks of recovery time before the babies arrive!

Also, the surgeon is going to try to do laparoscopy surgery instead of slicing him open again. We are crossing our fingers, that would be a huge bonus!

And, just an update from my last post...I'm not in such a dark place as I was. Our situation hasn't changed, but I'm trying to not let it bog me down. I know this too shall pass and there is a reason for everything.

At least we have the babies

2010-02-11T18:25:00.000-08:00

I have to admit. Life at our house has not been pleasant so far in 2010. Between Hubby's health, some financial issues, and my own ups and downs, life sucks. The only think keeping me from a breakdown is knowing my lovely baby girls need me to stay healthy and not stressed. It almost seems like they know when I start to freak. When my mind starts going wild I'll feel a good swift kick to my spine or my bladder and I remember, no matter what else is going on, I am so lucky.

I am lucky to have gotten pregnant on our last try.

I'm lucky to not only get pregnant with one baby but two.

I am lucky to be pregnant with two babies who are growing perfectly.

I am lucky to be growing healthy babies, and staying fairly healthy myself.

Staying healthy and keeping these babies all snug and warm in my belly is the most important thing. I have to remember that. The rest of life is just fluff and will work itself out one way or another. So many thing are out of my control, but I can control my mind and not allow myself to stress out.

I do also have to admit I don't know how to deal with it all. My first reaction to any confrontation is to avoid it and leave. I was so tempted to pack a bag last night and leave for a couple of days, just to get away from it all. I didn't. I know everything will be waiting for me when I return.

I don't want to get into details, but this year, other than the fact we are going to have two newborns in a few months, is going to be the most challenging year I know for me personally, but I'm sure for Hubby and our relationship.

Sorry for the vague and depressing post. I just needed to vent or something...

22w Appt

2010-02-09T19:19:00.000-08:00

I had my "cervix check" appointment this morning. Cervix still looks good, although it is shorter than it was two weeks ago. Dr. M said he wasn't concerned at this point.

He checked the babies heartbeats and they are still pounding away good and strong. I got some pics of their heads/faces. One of them turned out really good and clear. The others are kind hard to decipher.

I told Dr. M about my pelvic pain, and he said that was pretty common and there isn't much to do about it. He said just do whatever makes me the most comfortable...which is for the most part, sitting. He suggested a support belt, but said it may or may not help. I think I'll pass.

Another thing we talked about was bed rest. He anticipates I'll cut my hours down to half days when I get to 28 weeks. Of course we'll see how things go, but I did talk to my boss about it today. That is only about 5 weeks away...

Well I think that's about it. It was a pretty short and sweet appointment. Speaking of sweet, at my next appointment in two weeks, I get to drink the lovely, sugary glucose drink. Yippee skippy. Oh, and he decided I needed to do that because my belly is measuring at 32, which is big even for twins at this time. I should only be about 26-27cm right now.

Okay, now I really think that's it.

Ta ta for now!

Snap, crackle, pop

2010-02-02T18:04:00.001-08:00

Those would be the sounds of my hips. On Sunday night I was sleeping (one of the worst nights of sleep every, actually) and as I rolled over, something...my hip? back? pelvis?...something popped. It hurt bad.

The next day (yesterday) it hurt to walk around. I think my body is splitting in half already. As the day went on it got worse. Coworkers were even commenting that I was waddling. Thanks guys.

This morning I got up and I felt better, though not 100%. As the day went on today I started hurting again. It is a weird spot to hurt...it's like my groin area, but lower between my legs. It's weird. Anywho, we'll see if tomorrow is any better. I probably just pulled something weird. Or I'm growing two gigantic babies who are breaking my pelvis.

On another note. I watched the new 19 Kids and Counting show last night. The episode was about Michelle having to deliver her 24 week old baby. I definitely thought it was so sad when I first heard about it in December, but now that I'm 21 weeks...I can't imagine having to deliver in 3 weeks. They are so tiny and underdeveloped at that age. Ugh. I was all teary eyed while I was watching it.

And one more side note. My friend is bringing over some of her baby girl clothes on Friday for me to go through. I'm so excited. I can't believe I get to be one of those girls who gets to get hand me down clothes and set up a nursery and finally be able to relate to other moms. I'm so thankful.

Alright, that's all for now.

The name game

2010-01-31T15:22:00.000-08:00

Hubby and I have decided on first names, but we are still trying to figure out middle names. Middle names are so useless. I was only ever called by my middle name if I was in trouble. I've wondered how it would effect the kiddos if they just didn't have a middle name. I think it would make life rough for them as adults since so many forms, credit, etc require a middle initial. We've gone through family names, but can't decide.

I'm going to reveal the two names we've picked out...and I ask that you pretty please, with sprinkles on top, let me know any suggestions you have for the middle names. Our last name has three syllables.

They are:
Baby A: Kaitlyn
Baby B: Natalie

Bring on the suggestions!

Crabby pants

2010-01-28T18:30:00.000-08:00

I have been crabby this week. I know part of it is lack of sleep, but not only that I feel like I'm running around all the time.

I've had four appointments in the last week to go to, and that means missing work. I'm trying to save up my paid time, so I was trying to make up the missed hours by staying late and working through my lunch hour. By the time the end of the day rolls around I'm exhausted. Hubby isn't 100% yet, and he's spends most of his time laying in bed...so that means I'm forced to stay out in the "living area" with our 3 dogs. They are not allowed down the hall and can't be trusted to be left unattended, so that means I get to hang out with them. I would love nothing more than to come home from work and be able to veg out in bed watching TV. PLUS, since Hubby has come home from the hospital I've been camping out in the "nursery" with a mattress on the floor. It isn't horrible, but definitely not as comfortable as my real bed and I can hear the dogs in their crates, cars driving by, the furnace kicking on and off in the garage, etc. I do not sleep well in there. Not to mention trying to heave my growing body up off the floor in the middle of the night to pee...

To top it off this week two of our three dogs have been sick for a couple of days. Last night we were tag teaming cleaning up their vomit and poop. It was so gross. Tonight one of them is about 75% better, but the other one is still pretty sick. This week we've probably washed their bedding at least 5 times - no exaggeration. It is so frustrating, but obviously it's not their fault...

Last night I had the lights out and fell asleep about 9:30. At 10:30 one of the hounds started barking. I let him outside and went back to bed. I think I fell right back to sleep. Then at 2:30 another one started whining and scratching in his crate. I asked Hubby to check in on them. He did, but I couldn't fall back to sleep. I was probably 3:30 before I did. I had to get up a little early this morning to go to the dentist. I was a zombie all day. My brain was just mush. I kept making stupid mistakes and I even went to set my bowl of oatmeal on my desk and completely missed. Thankfully it landed flat on the floor and just splattered a little instead of turning over and dumping out. I only had a little to wipe off my pants.

Anyway, I suppose I should quit whining. I just feel like I'm so tired I'm on the verge of tears constantly. I'm sure some of you can relate. I'm tempted to take a Benadryl tonight and sleep for like 12 hours. Thank God tomorrow is Friday!

The gender scan...

2010-01-25T21:13:00.000-08:00

We had our ultrasound today measuring the babes. It was a pretty thorough one. He looked for the chambers of the heart, the bladder, the stomach, measured the leg and arm bones, the scull, etc. Oh and he looked at the genders.

Drum roll please....they are both the same gender....

....he's about 80% sure...that...they...are...girls!!!

They were super squirmy and he had a hard time getting a good shot, but from the looks of it they don't have turtles. He said we'll check again in 4 weeks to see with 99% accuracy what they are.

I'm just in shock. I never imagined two girls. I thought boy/girl or boy/boy. When he said the first was a girl I thought for sure the second would be a boy. Believe me, I am very, very excited about girls, but part of me is sad that there isn't a boy. Oh well. I'm not complaining!!

Everything looked good today on the u/s. All the measurements looked good. Even my cervix was good. I think it was about 4.9 or something.

Next u/s is in two weeks to check my cervix again. I may even do a glucose test, or I may wait for 24 weeks. We'll see.

Blood Pressure Appointment

2010-01-21T19:58:00.000-08:00

This morning I got up at 4:50am to get ready to head to Seattle for some testing at the Univ. of WA Medical Center. You may remember from my last OB appointment that my blood pressure was high once. I laid down for about 10 mins, and it came back down to normal. From that appointment, Dr. M decided to send me to the UW to have a specialist check me out.

I got up there a little early and they actually brought me back 15 mins before my scheduled appointment! That never happens! Anyway, I was brought back to a room where I laid on a bed and the nurse performed an ultrasound of my aorta and something else at the base of my neck. With some calculations she figured out that my blood pressure it high because I have so much fluid trying to get through. She compared it to a garden hose hooked to a fire hydrant.

Last week I collected my urine for 24 hours in a jug. From that they determined I already have protein in my urine. That is because the fire hydrant is pushing so much through the garden hose that it is causing small holes in my kidneys for proteins to spill out - or something like that.

I was sitting in a chair in the room and the doc had me move up to the table. I climbed up and he put his fingers on either side of my neck. He asked if I ever noticed throbbing in my neck when I stand up. I said sometimes. He said that is not normal. I could feel while his fingers were there that my pulse was pounding hard. He prescribed a low dose of Atenol (25mg twice a day) to help my bp. He said one possible side effect (of a regular dose) is a slow growth rate for the babies. So he will get the results from the u/s I'm scheduled to have on Monday and then I'll have another u/s before I go back to see him in 8 weeks and they'll compare the growth rate and determine what to do next.

My ankles have been swollen almost everyday in the last couple of weeks (it started when Hubs went to the hospital). It generally goes down overnight, but not always all the way. I need to make sure I'm not consuming too much salt, like canned soup, and prepackaged food, etc. I'm to stay on the perimeter of the grocery store when I shop. I generally do anyway, but I'll have to make more of an effort. I've also been told to lay down a couple of times a day to help my bp stay lower.

Of course I'm supposed to watch for warning signs like sudden swelling of my face, or ankles and fingers that don't go down at all over night. I'm also to call my doc if I see stars while sitting or standing (not necessarily when standing up from bending or sitting).

If things get worse, I'm assuming the next step is bed rest. If that doesn't work the only cure from preeclampsia/toxemia is delivery of the babes. I'm guessing I'm not in too much trouble at the moment since the UW doc doesn't want to see me again for 8 weeks. I just hope it stays that way.

Good news from the appointment, my glucose was fine. I got my finger pricked and it came back at 87 (I think we were looking for something below 100). I had eaten some yogurt and a banana in the car that morning. The nurse said that was plenty of sugar to raise it if I had a problem. I'm so glad it was fine.

My office has been really flexible with me. We have a couch in our break room and I can go down there whenever I want to lay down. We have an event coming up in a couple of weeks. I generally work about 16 hours that day. My boss told me she doesn't want me there this year. She'd rather I just stay at the office so I don't have to be on my feet or stress or lift anything unnecessary. Excellent!

Well I think that about wraps up my appointment. In other news my round ligament pain seems to have calmed down some. Although, I did get a baaaad charlie horse in my calf at about 1am this morning. It hurt so bad, and it even made my calf sore all day. I've also been feeling the babies more. I think *maybe* once I felt someone move on the outside. Everytime I feel strong movement I reach on my belly to try to feel something. Hubby is so jealous that I get to feel them all the time and he can't. I know it won't be too much longer until he can though.

My next OB appointment is on Monday. I'm crossing my fingers the babies won't be shy and we can see what gender they are. I can't wait to see them again!

Aight, that's enough blogging for now. I'll keep you posted on my appointment on Monday!!

Graco Stroller Recall

2010-01-20T20:58:00.000-08:00

Pass this along...I just read it on our local news Web site:

http://www.komonews.com/news/consumer/82160822.html

A new experience

2010-01-14T17:42:00.000-08:00

"Hello round ligament pain. It's so not nice to meet you."

I don't know if I just over did it, or if it was bound to happen anyway but this afternoon I was getting out of my car and holy moly! From around my groin-ish area up through my right side of my stomach is pain. If I walk around a little bit it gets better, but it's definitely the worst right when I stand up.

I called the doc just to make sure and the person I spoke to reassured me that it's normal. Dr. Google reassured me too. Seems to be pretty common to start during the second trimester.

Last night I hauled in a 30lb bag of dog food (normally Hubby would, but since he can't lift more than 10 lbs right now...). Then this morning for work I had to go to a seminar which involved me hauling in the materials (with a hand truck), setting up, and hauling it all away. It was after that when I got back into town that I experienced the pain.

I'm guessing it was inevitable, but probably last night an today made it happen sooner. Either way, not fun...

Anyway, I just thought I'd share. Now I'll get back to eating my lovely dinner of pistachios, cherries and chocolate ice cream (not at the same time of course!).

belated 16w u/s pic

2010-01-13T19:23:00.000-08:00

Sorry I forgot to post these. I didn't get any new pics at my 18w appointment. Hopefully I'll get new ones at 20 weeks.

Enjoy!

18w appointment

2010-01-11T20:14:00.000-08:00

**heavy sigh**

The babies are looking good, and so is my cervix. That, although super important, was the only good news I got at my appointment today.

When I got there I had to pee in the cup. I barely had any...again. No word if that came back bad, but I'm assuming no news is good news.

Then I stepped on the scale. I've lost two pounds since my last appointment. I know it is because of the stress of Hubby being in the hospital and running around like crazy. Hopefully, now that he's home, I can eat better again and more often.

Next was my blood pressure. It wasn't good. She checked it once, saw it was bad and tried it again. Still bad. I'm pretty sure it was 158/72 (I think). Anyway, not good. The nurse made me lay down for a bit and took it again. She said it went down to "normal", but didn't say what it was.

I finally went to my room and I told the doc that I thought I've been having some minor cramping in my lower uterus in the evenings for the last week or so. He did an u/s (I got to see the babies!) and they both looked good. Hearts are still a-beatin' and they have grown! No pics this time though :0(

He checked my cervix and that is still long and closed - hallelujah!

Okay now for some TMI...I asked him about some "discharge" issues. My discharge seems normal to me, but by the end of the day the crotch of my undies is just about black. I ask if it could be a chemical change or something? He said that my pap I had at my last appointment showed there was some inflammation. I am supposed to ask him about it at my next appointment and he'll take another sample and see if there is an infection. Fantastic.

He also told me I'm slightly anemic. So I finally picked up some iron. He said that anemia could also cause pre-term labor.

Lastly, since my blood pressure was high and I'm overweight, pregnant with twins and I'm only 18 weeks, he wants to send me to the Uni.versit.y of Was.hing.ton to have some hypertension tests done. To prepare for my appointment I get to collect my urine in this really awesome orange jug for 24 hours, then bring it to Dr. M's office, and have some blood drawn. They send the results to UW and then I go up to S.eatt.le for a couple hour appointment. Happy happy. Joy joy.

I think that about sums it up. I go next Thursday for my UW appointment and in two weeks for my next OB appointment. We're crossing our fingers we can find out the genders!!

Homecoming Eve?

2010-01-07T22:07:00.000-08:00

I'm pretty sure Hubby is coming home tomorrow. I'm so confident I took the day off just so I could be there to take him home and settle him in. I'm so excited. I can't wait!