I'm thankful for you!

Happy Thanksgiving everyone!

I just wanted to take a moment and thank all of you for taking the time to read my blog and sending up some prayers. Thank you also for all of your encouraging comments, it means a lot.

My newest challenge is trying to be thankful in all things. Every situation there has to be something to be thankful for, right? So I'm working on thanking God for my ups and downs and seeking out how I should proceed with life. It's tough!

Well, I hope you all have a wonderful holiday, and here's to hoping we all get what we're hoping for this holiday season!

NKOTB rocked my socks off!

I can't believe it. I actually had a really good time at the concert last night! I must admit when I heard they were back together I was pretty skeptical. I have some friends who are hardcore fans, and I always found it amusing. But last night changed my mind. I went in thinking it was going to be okay, I'd hear their old stuff I liked back when I was like 10 years old...but I didn't think their new stuff would be that good. Well, it was.

I could even say that it was possibly the best concert I've been to! (Yes, Jen, can you believe it?!?!?). They are very good entertainers and they music was good, and the crowd was the loudest I've ever heard.

All in all it was well worth the price of the ticket. I want to see them again! - lol

Death by cramps

I just have to share really quick that I thought I was going to die Wednesday night from my cramps. All during the day I felt crappy and a little crampy, but not bad. The evening rolled around and it started to get worse, but totally manageable. Then about 9:30p they got super bad. I was reclining in our...well, recliner and one of the dogs needed to go out. I got up and doubled over. It was bad. I managed to let him out and get all three of them put to bed (in their crates) and then I went to bed. I was home alone as usual, and I texted my husband. He offered to go to Walmart and pick up a heating pad, but he was on his way home from work and I didn't want to make him turn around. He even called his mom (she's only about a mile away from our house) to borrow hers, but she was already in bed. Anywho, I popped some midol, laid in the fetal position for a good 45 minutes and finally fell asleep.

I think those were the worst cramps of my life. I don't know if it is the build up of clomid over the last 12 months or so, but man, it sucked. This overall has probably been the worst period that I can remember with cramps so intense and lasting so long (usually they are just day one and two - but today is day three and they are still around...ugh). Thankfully, yesterday I got that heating pad from my mom-n-law (hello C!) and it helped a lot last night (the dogs liked snuggling with me while it was on!).

It's funny though, when I was writhing in pain in bed, I was thinking how labor is probably 10 times worse, and I thought "hey, I can handle it!" - lol, we'll see!

Okay, that wasn't such a short story, but I wanted to share.

P.S. I'm off to see NKOTB tomorrow night! I'll try to post some pics on Sunday!

The sun will come out, tomorrow...

So, yesterday, for the most part, was a bad day...for the most part. I was crazed at work trying to get a last minute project done that was thrown at me before I left. I was leaving early to head north to stay the night at a hotel for a seminar (today). Plus on top of it I had discovered AF's arrival (and the failure of my 6th cycle of clomid).

On my drive up to here I got some very very good news. My husband told me he finally got an answer from L&I regarding his lost wages (from his accident). They are paying him the full amount, plus some! I am so excited. He will end up getting 20% more than what we anticipated - yipee!!!!!

We both have the last two weeks of the year off (yahoo!) so we are going to talk about skipping town for a few days to relax. He has the night off tomorrow, so we are going to go out to dinner (hmm...what to wear???). Then we will talk about where we are headed with the IF crap, and how far we are going to go with it before calling it quits. Now that the funds are coming (check is being cut today), we can continue with all this stuff. We also are going to talk about where to go on our lil' vacation.

Today is a better day, other than stress this morning at work (the speaker showed up a 1/2 hour late - damn lawyers!), I will head back to Olympia a little after noon, and then call it a day around 2:30 (I started at 6:30 this a.m.!)...ahhh...then go home!

I just have to say, I used to love traveling around the state for work and staying at hotels, but I really really like to sleep in my own bed. I sleep terrible at hotels! Plus I feel bad for my poor doggies. They have to stay in their crates until daddy gets home from work **snif, snif**


Well, I hope you all have a good day!! As always, I'll keep you posted!

$%&#@!!@*&%!

That is how I feel right now...

My freakin' period is heading in for a landing. I am so pissed, frustrated, angry, depressed, and mostly PISSED. I really thought this could be it. I thought I could actually get pregnant this time. Well I guess that is a BIG FAT NEGATIVE.

I am typing on the verge of tears...ugh...I hate hormones. I was just telling my husband last night as I was going to bed that I was 98% sure I was starting my period, because I've been SUPER moody for a few days. I apologized to him for being snippy. He said "don't worry about it. It could be your are moody from the pregnancy hormones." It was a nice thought, but I knew he was wrong.

As I was trying to fall asleep last night, I was thinking about how I would react if the doctor told me, sorry, you can't have kids. I think I would be absolutely devastated and wouldn't be able to recover. This is the one thing in my life that I have really really wanted and have not been able to have. Everything else has seemed to come so easy...I had no idea it would be this hard. Plus, I was really hoping to reveal to everyone at Christmastime about us expecting. Maybe next year.

On another note, I cancelled my consultation appt yesterday. The hubby couldn't get off work on short notice (even though I told him about it weeks ago - urg!). Plus we don't have the funds to keep going right now. So I guess this will be a good time to regroup and save up for whatever God has ahead of us.

Tag, I'm it

My friend Heather tagged me...so here we go!

4 Outdoor Activities I absolutely LUV:
-Gardening, sun bathing, walking the dogs, and playing sports.

4 Movies I can't seem to get enough of:
-The Break Up - it is such a depressing movie, but I watch it whenever it's on.
-Labyrinth - I've probably watched it 100 times since I was a kid
-Dumb and Dumber
- There will be blood

4 Guilty pleasures:
-Lindtt milk chocolate truffles. (mine too Heather!)

-staying in my pj's all day and watching tv

-Shopping.

-sleeping in.

4 Jobs I've always wanted to do:
-Teach kids.

-barista.

-Work as a camp counselor for a summer.

-work at a zoo

4 Places I've always wanted to travel to:
-Ireland

-Caribbean Islands, perferably on a cruise of some sort.(ditto)

-Italy.

-Anywhere in South America. I love it down there

4 Challenges I face weekly:
-Work. I feel like it is a completely worthless job in the grand scheme of things.

-Keeping a positive attitude about all this fertility stuff.

-Being alone every weeknight while the hubby is at work.

-my weight.

4 People I am going to "Tag":

-Just Jess

-Jen Davis

Halfway to the finish line!

Well, I'm halfway through my two week wait. So far, so good. I actually haven't thought about it much. I've been busy at work, which is usually when I do my thinking and googling. I have no expectations for this cycle. I refuse to get my hopes up. In fact, I think I am not going to test...well at least not right away.

I have my new fertility doctor consultation appointment next Friday, so I guess if AF doesn't arrive by Thursday I'll test. If it is negative, on with the appointment. If it happens to be positive, I'll be able to give enough notice to cancel - then of course I'd have to throw a party!!

I guess a week from tomorrow I'll know our fate.

The good, the bad, and the triglycerides

Well, well, well. I got my test results for my glucose, cholesterol, triglycerides, and kidneys. The good news is my kidneys, glucose and HDL (good) cholesterol are normal or average. The bad news...my LDL is "not calculable with high triglycerides" - per the doc's note.

So here are my numbers:

Cholesterol - 267 - normal is less than 200
HDL (good) - 42 - normal is over 40
Blood sugar - 96 - normal is between 60 and 99

Now, brace yourself for the next number...

...435!!!!!! That is my triglyceride level!!! It should be less than 150!!!!! I think I feel my heart slowing already!!! Terrible, terrible number!

Okay, so what now? Well, yesterday I was complaining about how lazy I am and that I needed a kick in the arse...well, I think I got it today! Tomorrow is a new day. Goodbye bread, pasta, and sugar! I am dramatically cutting back on my diet. It is an emergency!

I have a few containers of yogurt left, after those are gone, I am going to plain yogurt and adding fresh fruit. Or heck, maybe I'll go back to eating oatmeal every morning. Lunch...what to do for lunch?...I will bring dinner leftovers when possible, or bring a salad. What choice do I have? No more fast food!

Dinner...fish and chicken. No more beef (not that I am a big beef eater anyway). And brown rice. Bleh...if anyone has a good recipe for brown rice, let me know...

And last but definitely not least...EXERCISE! Tomorrow my ass will be on the treadmill. No more excuses!

Wow, what a wake up call!

Oh, and since I am on a roll talking about my horrible diet, etc...I will finally reveal my weight **gulp** I am currently at 270. Yes, I know that is high, but I am also 6ft tall. Also, I have lost 10lbs since May. Well, there you have it folks. That is my dirty, not so little, secret.

I just have to keep telling myself "Tomorrow is a brand new day. Tomorrow is a brand new day."

I need a kick in the keester!

I don't know what is wrong with me. Maybe it is the crappy weather, or that it is dark at 4:30...I have no motivation to exercise - like at all. I've worked out twice in the last 9 days. Like I said before, I have a gym in my garage, but here I sit night after night on the recliner. I wish in this case it was the thought that counts. I think about it a lot, but I just don't go out there. I even thought I'd do a Tae Bo video in my living room, but nope, here I sit watching the Food Network. Ugh...

Maybe when I get the test results from my cholesterol check I will get movin'. In the back of my mind I'm a little afraid that the doc is going to say my numbers are so bad that I have to go on meds for a year or something...which means no babies...

I'm going to leave you on a hopefully positive note...I get to test in a week!

Undecided

So, I haven't decided if it is a good thing or a bad thing yet.

My consultation appointment with the new fertility doctor got postponed...2 1/2 weeks. Thankfully, I checked my phone and saw I had a voicemail about 10 minutes before my husband was supposed to wake up. I called him and told him he could sleep in. (Although he did take tonight off work to watch all the election stuff).

So, the pros and cons of this delay...

Pro - I could get pregnant on this cycle of clomid and the appointment is past my two week wait, so I'd know before forking over the big bucks for that appointment.

Con - If I'm not pregnant I'd most likely already be started with my AF visit, and I don't know the timing of what is to come next.

Overall, I am not bummed about it. Now my dilema is whether or not I still leave early from work...hmm...I think I will.

One day down, the rest of my life to go

Well, I made it!

I wouldn't call it a complete success, but hey, I'm not perfect. I ate pretty good. My only exception was at dinner. I had some steak I bought over the weekend for hubby and I, but we didn't end up eating it, so I had a steak and some shrimp for dinner. Now that it is gone, I'm chicken and fish from here on out (well, with occasional beef of course!).

I attempted to work out tonight too. I was just stepping on the treadmill when my phone rang. It was the hubby. He said he was stopping home for a minute, so it was "time". He was going to be about 20 mins, so I decided to get on the treadmill until he got home. He got home and we "cuddled" and he was back off to work. I didn't feel right about getting back on the treadmill, so I decided 15 mins was good enough for the first day.

I just got home from grocery shopping. I bought a bunch of 100 calorie packs. I have to be realistic. I am going to want cookies and chips, etc., but I just don't need to sit down with the whole bag. Instead I can sit down with a 100 cal. bag.

I also made little jell-o cups. I have a bunch of frozen strawberries left from a local farm. I also have a bunch of little plastic 1/2 cup containers. I put some strawberries in the container and added the sugar free jell-o on top. The strawberries floated, so they will be suspended as the jell-o firms up. I thought I was pretty smart - lol!

I also went to my regular doc appt today. I just basically wanted to meet the guy and do a general check up. We talked a little bit and decided we should do a lipid and glucose check. Since I have to fast for those tests, I'm going to stop by the lab sometime this week on my way into work. I am actually excited to have those tests done (I know my cholesterol is horrendous) , because I will have a starting point. I can go back in a few months and get it rechecked and see my progress. My blood pressure was a little high today, which is abnormal for me, but it could be because I was a little nervous.

Anyway, I just wanted to give a update on my day. Talk to ya'll tomorrow!!

I'm ready to hatch!

Yeah!! Finally, good news! My little egg was 17.8mm this morning. Woohoo! I got my hcg injection and now we gotta get busy for a couple of days.

I do have a comment though...I think this fertility place does not keep close enough tabs on what the nurses relay to the patients. My first few cycles (since we are doing "timed" instead of IUI) they gave me my shot and then said the next day and every other day for three days to "cuddle". Well, then, I had a nurse tell me on like cycle 4 that we should "cuddle" the day before my appointment, then I would get my shot and then we'd do it the next day and every other day for a few days.

Now today, cycle number six, the (very pregnant) nurse told me to do it TONIGHT and tomorrow and that's it. She said she's been doing this for 11 years and doing it more than three days after does no good.

I am totally going to listen to her, she obviously knows her stuff, since she is knocked up, but geez people, can we get some consistency???

Well, here's to hoping the pregnant lady knows what she's talking about! Ugh...now for the dreaded two week wait...I can't wait for the 17th already!

OH! And today is the day I planned to start my better lifestyle changes. So far so good. In the car on the way to Seattle I had a huge thing of water and a granola bar. When I got back to Oly, I had to stop for gas, so I ran into Safeway and got stuff for lunch and more breakfast, because I was starving. I got a yogurt, banana and string cheese for breakfast. I grabbed a veggie/humus wrap and string cheese for lunch.

I saw a bunch of carrot cake in the fridge at work from last week's birthday party, mmm, that sounded good, but I resited. Yay me :0)

I have my "regular" doctor visit today and then my consultation with the new fertility place tomorrow. I'll keep ya posted!

Good bye Fatty McFatterson!

Okay, so maybe that isn't the nicest thing to say about myself, but hey, I'm ready to shed some pounds!

Tomorrow I'm starting my "new lifestyle"...again **ahem**

I have about 100lbs I'd like to lose. That number is definitely intimidating...but I figure if I celebrate every 10lbs gone, then I could lose that much before I know it.

Last spring (2007) I weighed as much as I do now (which I'm not ready to share), and I started walking 3-4 miles every morning with my mom-in-law (hi C!!). I shed about 20lbs. I was eating pretty good too. Part of my ambition came from SUPER high cholesterol. I believe it was around 313 in June '07 and after my weight loss it dropped to 237ish in October '07. I think it is supposed to be around 150.

Anyway, the holidays came last year and I started packing on the pounds again. Now I am right back at what I was before I started. Ugh.

Although, I know I can lose pretty easy when I get going, it is really hard sticking with it. I learned a trick from a coworker/friend of mine. She lost a lot of weight in college and one of her secrets was chewing gum whenever she felt like munching. I have to admit that helped me a lot. I figured my mouth just wanted something to munch on. Instead of eating more calories I chewed gum.

I go to Costco and buy it by the box so I always have plenty of gum on hand. I keep one in my desk at work and one in my purse.

I really have no excuse to exercise. I have three dogs who love walks, and I pretty much have a gym in my garage. My husband has been faithfully using it for the last two months since we set it up. We have a weight bench, gazelle, treadmill, jump rope, free weights, punching bag...I mean what else could I ask for. Maybe better metabolism - lol

Anywho, my plan for breakfast will stay the same (yogurt and a piece of fruit). Lunch will take some effort since I usually buy fast food. Dinner will need a little work. When I cook for myself it is usually decent food, but most of the time I don't feel like putting out the effort to cook a meal just for myself (hubby works nights), so I end up eating a bowl of cereal or graze on a bunch of crap trying to figure out what to make for dinner and then eventually give up because I am full from snacking.

Another goal is to have smaller portion sizes. Our dinner plates are REALLY big. I think if I start eating off our salad plates, that will help a lot.

I figure if I lose two pounds a week, by the first of the year I could be down 16lbs. Sounds good to me! Since I'm starting on Monday, I'm going to weigh in every Monday.

Anywho, thanks for listening to me ramble. I really wrote this so I have a little accountability. Wish me luck...or actually wish me willpower! :0)

Seattle here I come....ONE MORE TIME!

After discussing with the husband we decided if I didn't go back on Monday this whole cycle and close to $500 will be wasted. So, yesterday I called and made ANOTHER 7am appointment. I was thinking this morning, with the time change tonight, really my appointment will feel like 6am and I will be leaving at 4:30....ugh!

Once again, I'll give you an update on how the appointment goes. I'm crossing my fingers, my legs my arms and anything else I can cross so that hopefully this will be it ** heavy sigh**

"On the road again..."