$%&#@!!@*&%!

That is how I feel right now...

My freakin' period is heading in for a landing. I am so pissed, frustrated, angry, depressed, and mostly PISSED. I really thought this could be it. I thought I could actually get pregnant this time. Well I guess that is a BIG FAT NEGATIVE.

I am typing on the verge of tears...ugh...I hate hormones. I was just telling my husband last night as I was going to bed that I was 98% sure I was starting my period, because I've been SUPER moody for a few days. I apologized to him for being snippy. He said "don't worry about it. It could be your are moody from the pregnancy hormones." It was a nice thought, but I knew he was wrong.

As I was trying to fall asleep last night, I was thinking about how I would react if the doctor told me, sorry, you can't have kids. I think I would be absolutely devastated and wouldn't be able to recover. This is the one thing in my life that I have really really wanted and have not been able to have. Everything else has seemed to come so easy...I had no idea it would be this hard. Plus, I was really hoping to reveal to everyone at Christmastime about us expecting. Maybe next year.

On another note, I cancelled my consultation appt yesterday. The hubby couldn't get off work on short notice (even though I told him about it weeks ago - urg!). Plus we don't have the funds to keep going right now. So I guess this will be a good time to regroup and save up for whatever God has ahead of us.