You've heard me complain and complain about PCOS and how haywire my emotions are and blah, blah, blah. Well I do have to say how nice it really is to be back on the pill after so many years. I forgot how nice it is not to grow a beard and mustache. I forgot how nice it is to not have to buy prescription strength deodorant and how nice it is to not grow hair in places that are just not pleasant. I'm not as manly as I used to be :0)
I just wanted to say something a little positive since I've been such an Eeyore lately. Oh and my mood has improved since I'm not PMSing anymore...go figure.
Saturday, April 30, 2011
Monday, April 25, 2011
11 months old!
The girls are 11 months old tomorrow (Tuesday the 26th)!! I can't believe they will be having a birthday party next month. Crazy!! Here are some pics for your viewing pleasure :0)
I gots issues.
Yup, it's true. I am an emotional basket case. It really all started way back when, when I went off birth control back in 2005. My hormones got all wonky and so did I. I went haywire physically, gaining weight and growing hair in not so pleasant places, and emotionally either crying over anything or getting mad all the time.
Going through fertility treatments for a couple of years didn't help at all either
I went back on the pill a month or so after the girls arrived to try to get me back on track. It did help for a while, but not I feel psycho again. Seriously. I can go from happy to raging mad in no time flat. It has really taken a toll on my hubby, and I know it's not healthy for my kids to witness. It's definitely the worst while I'm PMSing, which I happen to be this week. Last night was ugly. Kaitlyn woke up at 11:30pm and would not go back to sleep. I tried just helping her lay back down. Nope. I tried rocking her. Nope. I tried laying her in bed with me. Nope. Finally I brought her downstairs and fed her. She passed out.
It wasn't actually that nicely done though. She woke up crying, I tried to console her and lay her down. She SCREAMED. I was shushing her, and getting more mad that she was freaking out. Finally I was telling her to shut up...and now that I'm acknowledging how I acted I am so ashamed. I picked her up roughly and went down the stairs too fast. I probably carried her too tight. It was ugly.
I think I need help.
The girls have their 12 month check-up at the end of next month and the doctor they see is our family doctor. He is a really nice guy and always takes time during the girls appointments to see how Hubby and I are doing. I think I'm going to talk to him then about getting medicated. Even if it's just for a little while until Kaitlyn hopefully goes through this "phase".
I probably haven't filled you in yet about how completely clingy and whiney she is to me. For half a second it is cute and sweet that she wants her momma so bad, but man...it gets old fast. I'm trying not to hate it since I know some day she will go through a phase when she'll want nothing to do with me, but it's hard. I can hardly get anything done. Hubby can't do anything to help. I have to be the one who gets up with her every.single.night. Sometimes multiple times. If Hubby tried, she's scream. During the day she climbs up my leg and follows me around. When I do hold her she climbs all over me and squirms. She doesn't sit still.
She is just one of the things that gets me going during the day. I gots other issues too that have me stressed out almost constantly. Hubby and I have had so much happen to us in the last 15 months that I have forgotten what it feels like to be calm and stable. Remember his three surgeries last year? He is still feeling some residual pain from the last surgery. We also had to file bankruptcy because our bills were so out of control since he couldn't work for about 8 months and I was on half time and then maternity leave for a while. We lost our house to foreclosure and turned over the keys last month. We are now living in a small 600 sq ft "garage" on my parent's property that my dad converted to a little apartment for us. And since the space is so small it was impossible for all four of us and our three beloved dogs to all live here so we had to find them new homes suddenly.
Ya see...we've been through a lot. I can't handle much more. I feel like a teapot on the verge of steaming all the time...and sometimes I do steam. I need help to calm down. I know therapy would probably be more helpful, but drugs I think will be cheaper and unfortunately, money is tight.
Okay, okay, that is enough spewing my guts out for one day. Phew, see I'm glad I came back to this blog. It's nice to be able to spew again :0)
Going through fertility treatments for a couple of years didn't help at all either
I went back on the pill a month or so after the girls arrived to try to get me back on track. It did help for a while, but not I feel psycho again. Seriously. I can go from happy to raging mad in no time flat. It has really taken a toll on my hubby, and I know it's not healthy for my kids to witness. It's definitely the worst while I'm PMSing, which I happen to be this week. Last night was ugly. Kaitlyn woke up at 11:30pm and would not go back to sleep. I tried just helping her lay back down. Nope. I tried rocking her. Nope. I tried laying her in bed with me. Nope. Finally I brought her downstairs and fed her. She passed out.
It wasn't actually that nicely done though. She woke up crying, I tried to console her and lay her down. She SCREAMED. I was shushing her, and getting more mad that she was freaking out. Finally I was telling her to shut up...and now that I'm acknowledging how I acted I am so ashamed. I picked her up roughly and went down the stairs too fast. I probably carried her too tight. It was ugly.
I think I need help.
The girls have their 12 month check-up at the end of next month and the doctor they see is our family doctor. He is a really nice guy and always takes time during the girls appointments to see how Hubby and I are doing. I think I'm going to talk to him then about getting medicated. Even if it's just for a little while until Kaitlyn hopefully goes through this "phase".
I probably haven't filled you in yet about how completely clingy and whiney she is to me. For half a second it is cute and sweet that she wants her momma so bad, but man...it gets old fast. I'm trying not to hate it since I know some day she will go through a phase when she'll want nothing to do with me, but it's hard. I can hardly get anything done. Hubby can't do anything to help. I have to be the one who gets up with her every.single.night. Sometimes multiple times. If Hubby tried, she's scream. During the day she climbs up my leg and follows me around. When I do hold her she climbs all over me and squirms. She doesn't sit still.
She is just one of the things that gets me going during the day. I gots other issues too that have me stressed out almost constantly. Hubby and I have had so much happen to us in the last 15 months that I have forgotten what it feels like to be calm and stable. Remember his three surgeries last year? He is still feeling some residual pain from the last surgery. We also had to file bankruptcy because our bills were so out of control since he couldn't work for about 8 months and I was on half time and then maternity leave for a while. We lost our house to foreclosure and turned over the keys last month. We are now living in a small 600 sq ft "garage" on my parent's property that my dad converted to a little apartment for us. And since the space is so small it was impossible for all four of us and our three beloved dogs to all live here so we had to find them new homes suddenly.
Ya see...we've been through a lot. I can't handle much more. I feel like a teapot on the verge of steaming all the time...and sometimes I do steam. I need help to calm down. I know therapy would probably be more helpful, but drugs I think will be cheaper and unfortunately, money is tight.
Okay, okay, that is enough spewing my guts out for one day. Phew, see I'm glad I came back to this blog. It's nice to be able to spew again :0)
Saturday, April 23, 2011
Change in birth control pill
Hubby was at the pharmacy the other day and I asked him to pick up my prescription for the pill. Apparently there was some hullabaloo with the pharmacy techs and the pharmacist and he texted me "What a mess. I hope they gave you the right script".
Great...
He gets home and the pills are Z.arah. Previously I was taking Oc.ella which is generic for Ya.smin. Supposedly the pharmacy can't get Oc.ella anymore so they gave me the Za.rah. After doing some quick investigating, it doesn't sound the like people like the Z pill very much. There is a lot of talk about breaking out, a lot of weight gain, headaches and some mood issues after switching from O.
This is not good. Not good at all.
As you may remember. I'm already over weight. I'd really like to not break out like a teenager again AND my moods have enough issues thankyouverymuch!
I think on Monday I'll call my doc to see what the scoop is on O. If it really isn't offered anymore I guess I'll have to move on to something else, but I want to hear from HIM as to what that should be and not let the pharmacist make that decision. I'm really not on the pill for birth control...I need it because my hormones are on crack.
Geesh. Always somthin'...
Great...
He gets home and the pills are Z.arah. Previously I was taking Oc.ella which is generic for Ya.smin. Supposedly the pharmacy can't get Oc.ella anymore so they gave me the Za.rah. After doing some quick investigating, it doesn't sound the like people like the Z pill very much. There is a lot of talk about breaking out, a lot of weight gain, headaches and some mood issues after switching from O.
This is not good. Not good at all.
As you may remember. I'm already over weight. I'd really like to not break out like a teenager again AND my moods have enough issues thankyouverymuch!
I think on Monday I'll call my doc to see what the scoop is on O. If it really isn't offered anymore I guess I'll have to move on to something else, but I want to hear from HIM as to what that should be and not let the pharmacist make that decision. I'm really not on the pill for birth control...I need it because my hormones are on crack.
Geesh. Always somthin'...
Thursday, April 21, 2011
The grand re-opening
I just couldn't help myself. I missed this blog so much. I honestly think about it often. I miss the community of readers/commenters..and I especially miss having a place to spill my guts and vent. I've created two other blogs since this one and neither of them get posted to very often at all.
The other two blogs were about the girls. I love my girls to death, but I need a place for me and I don't have time for both. Of course I will talk about them on here, but this is mommy's space.
Believe me, just because I'm no longer on my journey to become pregnant, PCOS still interferes with my life. I've been such a hormonal basket case since having the girls I feel really crazy. I went back on the pill a couple of months after the girls were born and that has helped a lot, but I still feel a little psycho. I know there are other factors that contribute to my looney-tune-ness...and I'll get to those issues eventually...but hormones I know are a big factor.
All of this is to say that I'm back! I've missed you all. If I'm able to, I plan to post regularly...the good, the bad and the ugly :0)
The other two blogs were about the girls. I love my girls to death, but I need a place for me and I don't have time for both. Of course I will talk about them on here, but this is mommy's space.
Believe me, just because I'm no longer on my journey to become pregnant, PCOS still interferes with my life. I've been such a hormonal basket case since having the girls I feel really crazy. I went back on the pill a couple of months after the girls were born and that has helped a lot, but I still feel a little psycho. I know there are other factors that contribute to my looney-tune-ness...and I'll get to those issues eventually...but hormones I know are a big factor.
All of this is to say that I'm back! I've missed you all. If I'm able to, I plan to post regularly...the good, the bad and the ugly :0)
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