Thursday, October 29, 2009

Progesterone Test

Dr. M called and left me a vm this morning. My progesterone went back up to 53 from 40 last week. He said to lower my dose to 1/2 cc and and have another test next Wednesday. If that number is still high we might be able to stop the injections!! I hope so! I have forgotten what it feels like to NOT have a sore hiney!

Anyway, just wanted to give a quick update...

Wednesday, October 28, 2009

H1N1 vaccine

I am sooo on the fence on this one. When I went in for my blood draw this morning I was informed they now have the vaccine in their office. I was secretly hoping that they wouldn't get it for a long time so I wouldn't have to decide if I should get it or not.

I'm mostly leaning towards no. I know that being pregnant lowers my immune system, but I have no underlying conditions. I'm not far enough along for the babies to be pushing on my lungs and restricting my breathing. I have never in my adult...or teen life had the flu that I can remember. I know the biggest issue with H1N1 is that it is a new strain of the flu that we are not immune to, like some of the seasonal bugs, and it is more contagious.

I realized today that for the last four years we've been trying to have a baby. God chose this year, this time of the year, for me to get pregnant. Not that I think I have some divine immune system or anything, but I don't think He would choose this time and then have me die of H1N1. I have been doing a lot of research, but I have a hard time trusting anything the government says. I'm not some conspiracy theorist, but I just can't blindly trust them. Of course everyone and their mother has an opinion about the vaccine. I'm asking for yours. What would you do? Would you get it? Not get it? Why?

I'm also lucky because my office knows about my pregnancy and they are doing all they can to protect me. No one is allowed to use my computer or my phone unless necessary and if they do then they are to tell me so I can disinfect it. They have put disinfecting wipes at all common areas such as copiers, fax machines, the kitchens, etc. On Friday we are having the staff bring their kids in to "trick or treat" around the office. During those few hours I'm going into hiding. I have a project I'm going to work on behind closed doors. I don't need any snot-nosed kids getting my sick :0)

I also think I am exposed to the public less than some. I'm pretty much a homebody. Other than doing the grocery shopping or running errands occasionally, I'm at home. I'm an avid hand washer and I keep hand sanitizer in my purse.

Anyway, I wanted to throw this out there and see what y'all think. I'd love to hear your opinions. I'm planning to talk about this with my doc next week when I have my u/s...

Tuesday, October 27, 2009


Not much has changed since my last post. I'm still going between starving and nauseous. Yesterday was the first time I tossed my cookies though. I was brushing my teeth before work and I lost it. I have been really close a few times since then, but thankfully I've held back.

I can't believe how lazy I've been. All weekend I was basically on the couch. Hubby and I did run to my parents and his mom's for a bit and we did some grocery shopping on Saturday, but that was it. And I was pooped Saturday night. I think I was in bed by 9:30.

I'm still doing 1cc of the PIO injections. I go tomorrow for a blood draw to check my progesterone levels. Hopefully I'll be done with those suckers soon!

I feel like Ms. lately, I think about every 2 hours or so I have to eat and sometimes I'm not satisfied afterward. I have to be really careful what I am stuffing in my face especially with having to eat so often. Yesterday I splurged and had a cheeseburger thinking that would stay with me longer. Nope. I was hungry again a couple of hours later. And when I say hungry, I don't mean I have the munchies. It is a hunger that makes me want a whole meal!

Work has been torture. For one, I'm not too busy. I have little piddly things to do, but nothing that forces me to keep working non-stop. I find that I sit and stare out my window for 10 mins at a time. Or check my email or blogger 15 times a day. I just feel so crappy and tired I'd LOVE it if I could be at home laying on the couch.

I'm really looking forward to seeing my little grains of rice on the monitor next week.

Friday, October 23, 2009

Feeling like poo

Although I was expecting morning sickness, I didn't really know what to expect. Even though I haven't thrown up yet, I've felt like I've been on the verge for a few hours already today.

Last week is when it started, but it was just off and on for short spurts throughout the day. Now, it is for most of the day. I have to eat small meals often because if I eat too much I feel sick and if I get hungry I feel sick. Last night I made some chicken, green beans and some smelled good while I was cooking it, but when it came time to eat it sounded so gross! I choked some of it down, but I was so hungry I knew I had to eat. I ate as much as I could then half an hour later I got myself a bowl of Chex.

Yesterday was by far the hungriest I've been too. I felt like a bottomless pit. I was telling a couple of my friends today how it is even possible for two little beings the size of a grain of rice can suck the life right out of me already? Believe me I do not want to complain about this one bit. I know it is temporary, and if I want a baby...or two...I will have to endure. It doesn't make it all rainbows and sunshine though :0)

I came into work 2 1/2 hours late today. I woke up so exhausted because I haven't slept well for the last 3 weeks or so. I decided if I was going to be nauseous, which I knew I would, I didn't want to be exhausted too. So I slept until 9:30 this morning then got ready and was to work by 10:30. Since then, I've felt pretty crummy. I had some breakfast before I came in, and for the last 1/2 hour I've been nibbling on a tiny cup of applesauce. All I wanna do is lay down :0)

Thanks goodness it's Friday! I have two whole days to be lazy!

Thursday, October 22, 2009

The Picsas!

Here they are in all their blurry glory! Ladies (and if there are any gentlemen out there), I present to you Baby A and Baby B!

Wednesday, October 21, 2009

Seeing Double!!

You read right. There are two beautiful flickering heartbeats! Hubby and I are so excited! I have a baby A and baby B picture to post, but I have to figure out how to block out some info first. I'll get those posted for you tomorrow. Of course you can't see much, they are just little blobs in the picture, but on the live u/s the heartbeats were awesome! We didn't get to hear them, but we got to see the little flickers.

I have to continue my PIO injections (bummer) and I go next week to do a progesterone test. Then another u/s the next week. I can't believe this is happening. I am in dreamland right now.

Well, I'm off to start day dreaming of names, and nurseries and books to read...

Tuesday, October 20, 2009

I decided to battle, and I won

Actually, it wasn't much of a battle at all.

Like I said in my previous post, having my mom go the appointment was bugging me since she asked. After posting I decided I might as well call her. It is obviously important to me if I kept dwelling on it. I didn't even need to grow a pair. I figured she'd understand, and if she didn't it was her problem.

I called my parent's house and my dad answered the phone. My mom wasn't home so he said he'll have her call me. About 15 mins later she called. I simply asked her if she wouldn't mind if we went alone to the appointment. She said no problem! She said she understands it's a intimate thing and that is why she asked if it was okay. I told her I felt bad because I knew she was excited. She really was okay with it, believe me, I can tell from her tone. I promised I would call her as soon as we were done.

I'm so relieved. Yes, I was mad that she is only choosing to be involved in the "good stuff", but it also was the fact that so much of the fertility treatments are not personal and private. I wanted to have a moment with Hubby to share (even though the doc and the nurse will be there - and of course I will be probed). Still...I think you know what I mean.

I feel so much better. Like there is a weight lifted from my chest. Ah...

Picking my battles

My mother...

I've mentioned her before and her lack of interest in all my "depressing" fertility treatments. Although I tried not to let it bother me, it really made me sad, that I could never go to my mom for support.

Now, that I am apparently pregnant (still can't believe it), she has decided to be involved - go figure. Last weekend we were talking about my upcoming appointment this week and she says "I wanna go!". I'm like "...uh...well...okaaaaay...". She then said to check with Hubby first to make sure he's okay with it and she doesn't want to intrude - or something like that. I ask Hubby and he says it's fine. I called her yesterday to let her know that she could go.

Last night I was thinking about it more and I was really pissed about it. How dare she not give a shit about the last two years of my life, and how I struggled emotionally, financially and physically to get to where I am. Now that I am in a "happy" place, she decides to join the fun. I was talking to Hubby about it last night and I asked if it would be terrible of me to call her back and tell her I'd rather not have her go. He said I should pick my battles. Let her go this time, but let her know in the future when things aren't okay for her to tag along to if I don't want her there.

Thanks for letting me vent for a minute. I was thinking about it again today and I just get really annoyed. I wish I could grow "a pair" and stand up to her more. Maybe now with my raging hormones I will. I would really like to have the opportunity someday to (nicely) tell her how much her actions - or lack there of - have hurt my feelings.


Monday, October 19, 2009

Hanging out

So there isn't much to do these days without the strict schedule of my fertility treatments. I kind of feel lost, like I have all this time on my hands and nothing to do with it. I need a hobby.

Nothing really new to report. Everytime I say I have a symptom is seems to go away or morph into something else. Thankfully the heartburn has been gone for a while. I'm still REALLY tired and occasionally nauseous...but hey...I can deal. Oh and I go from cranky to crying in almost no time. Thankfully Hubby is so patient with me!!

I didn't get a chance to actually talk to the doc last week when he called. I was at a work event and the building I was in didn't get cell service (ugh!). I got a voicemail from him though and he basically said my numbers are still going up and we'll see you next week for your u/s.

So, that's about it. I'm just waiting for my appointment on Wednesday. I'll let you know how it goes!

Wednesday, October 14, 2009

Beta #3


It just keeps getting higher - yay!

The doc will call me again tonight to discus. My progesterone level is up to 54...we'll see if he doesn't lower my dose or if we still aren't going to "rock the boat".

First u/s next Wednesday! Eeek!

Below is the newest chart:

Tuesday, October 13, 2009

The eve of beta #3

Wednesdays are turning into the most stressful day of the week, and the anticipation leading up to it is almost just as bad. Thankfully though the last few weeks have gone by fairly quickly. I am very anxious for the results already and I haven't even had my blood drawn. I may have to call them tomorrow afternoon again if I just can't control myself :0)

The people who know about whats going on are asking me how I'm feeling. My answer: Blah. I know "blah" is not technically a symptom of pregnancy, but I think it falls into several categories: fatigue, moodiness, heartburn, and nausea. Food still doesn't sound good, but I've had to eat pretty much every 3 hours or so or else the heartburn gets really bad. My diet has two new items that are eaten more often than any other food (not counting gum), and those are Tums and saltines. Mmm...yummy breakfast.

The nausea isn't constant, it comes in waves. I felt good yesterday and today until about 8:30. Almost exactly at that time I had to run to my sleeve of saltines. After about 15 mins it goes away for a while. I'm a little nervous just because this is only week 5, so I'm kinda scared that it's going to get worse. Maybe I should invest in one of those buckets that can go around my neck like horses have for grain. Then I could walk around the office and just use that if I get sick. Okay, ya, that's gross...but like I said before, I'll do anything.

My keester is still sore from all the injections. Hopefully we only have a week of those left. I'm hoping I can stop the progesterone all together or at least go the the suppositories. I know those aren't a joy either, but at least they don't hurt.

My ta-tas are still sore. They seem to be the worst at night when I release them from the confines of my bra and it's a little tough to get comfortable to go to bed with the weight of them and the blankets touching them.

I don't care about any of this though. I'm not going to complain one bit. The more symptoms I have the better. I'm just taking it one week at a time and trying to enjoy it as much as I can. Besides, it's kind of nice to have an excuse to be lazy and sit on the couch all night reading magazines because I don't have the energy to do anything else :0)

And...I have to share that ever night since we found out the test was positive when Hubby "tucks me in" he always says "Goodnight Guys!" It's really cute :0) Soon we'll find out just how many little guys he's actually talking to!

Friday, October 9, 2009

Pinch me!

I can't really believe this is happening to me yet. Having the words "I'm" and "pregnant" in the same sentence just sounds so awkward! Only two other people know in addition to the original few who found out when I had my first test. I still want to hold back telling anyone else until at least my ultrasound. Then we'll go from there.

As for symptoms...heart burn has been the constant so far. When I talk to the doc I'm going to see what else I can take besides Tums. Those only work for about a 1/2 hour and they are nasty to chew and swallow. Another thing is sleepiness. I'm so tired! Granted I've slept like crap for the last two weeks and part of that is to blame on my mattress. It had been a while since it was flipped and we did that last night. I slept so much better, but now here it is 1:30 in the afternoon and I want a nap. I won't lie, I've sat here and closed my eyes for a few minutes at a time. I desperately want to lay my head down on my desk, but I don't for fear of snoring! :0)

Occasionally I've been having some uterine cramping, I'm taking as a good sign that things are going on down there. I'm really curious for my u/s to see if my left over follies are still around. I have a feeling there are a couple of lingering ones left. Sometimes if I move just the right way I feel them, and definitely when I'm laying on my stomach. I know there really isn't anything to do about them unless they get too huge and out of control.

I do go through phases of massive thirst and hunger though, but it's off and on. This morning my appetite was raging. I felt like I was eating all morning. I finally took lunch at 11 and splurged on a burger and fries. I felt like I was allowed since I've been doing so good the last few weeks. I don't have any food aversions yet, but food in general just doesn't sound good. When trying to figure out lunch or dinner I'll just pick somethign to eat because I'm hungry, not because it sounds good...which isn't all bad. Except for today and my burger.

Other than that I'm feeling fine...if I didn't know I was pregnant I probably wouldn't think much of this stuff at all.

Of course my keyboard/mouse is getting a workout from spending so much time on Google. I've kind of ran out of things to look at for right now though, so I'll have to wait until something else happens.

Hooray for Friday! I can't wait to sleep in! Have a good weekend all!

Wednesday, October 7, 2009

Just talked to the doc

The doctor called. He was very encouraged by my numbers and confirmed I am right where I should be.

Next step: have another test done next Wednesday, then the week after that I'll have my first ultrasound!!!!

I think I will continue to be in shock until I see the heartbeat. I can't believe this. I'm just shocked.

I did ask about the progesterone. I asked if I could switched to the suppositories instead of the injections. He thought about it and decided since things are going so well, he doesn't want to "rock the boat", so until the ultrasound we'll continue the injections. Bummer. But oh well, I'll do ANYTHING. He said my progesterone level is 40 something...which is high, but he didn't want to change the dose right now either.

Fine with me. I'll do injections the whole 9 months if I have to.

Well, I hope I can finally get some decent sleep tonight now that the major stress is over, for now.

The results are in *drum roll...*

It's official! I'm pregnant!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

Last Monday's (9/28) level: 12
Today's level: 1,020!!

I finally broke down and called them because I was dying at my desk. The receptionist told me my level. The doc will call me later with the progesterone results and we'll figure out where I go from here. I'm assuming I'll do some more bloodwork and then an ultrasound in the next week or two...but we'll see.

I'm just so flippin' excited.

Thank you God for blessing me with this gift. I will cherish it forever.

And thank you all for your prayers and well-wishes. I truly am grateful!

And here is a little calculator I found...I'm right on track!

Assessment: The Two-Day hCG rise was 204 % and is considered adequate.
First hCG: 12 mIU/ml
Second hCG: 1020 mIU/ml

Tuesday, October 6, 2009

An award for me!

Thanks Kacy for nominating me. It's my first one :0) I think it's the Your Blog is Over the Top award - since I saw the same thing on someone else's earlier :0)

1. You Can Only Use One Word!
2. Pass this along to 6 of your favorite bloggers
3. Alert them that you have given them this award!
4. Have Fun!

The Fun Part

1. Where is your cell phone? table
2. Your hair? brown
3. Your mother? frustrating
4. Your father? changed
5. Your favorite food? cereal
6. Your dream last night? many
7. Your favorite drink? Dr. Pepper
8. Your dream/goal? family
9. What room are you in? living room
10. Your hobby? TTC
11. Your fear? Failure
12. Where do you want to be in 6 years? satisfied
13. Where were you last night? bed
14. Something that you aren’t? mom
15. Muffins? blueberry
16. Wish list item? kindle
17. Where did you grow up? WA
18. Last thing you did? read
19. What are you wearing? PJ's
20. Your TV? On
21. Your pets? Spoiled
22. Friends? Few
23. Your life? stressful
24. Your mood? anxious
25. Missing someone? Tianna
26. Vehicle? CR-V
27. Something you’re not wearing? socks
28. Your favorite store? Kohls
29. Your favorite color? red
30. When was the last time you laughed? dunno
31. Last time you cried? last Monday
32. Your best friend? Hubby
33. One place that I go to over and over? Pharmacy
34. One person who emails me regularly? Martha Stewart
35. Favorite place to eat? Mercato

1- Little Rider Baby
2- Impatient with PCOS
3- Just Jess
4- Journey to Our Wondraful Baby
5- Conceive This!
6- The Davis 5

Monday, October 5, 2009

I was doing so good!

Now the anxiety has hit me!

Last week went by faster than I thought, even this weekend wasn't bad. But, man, today is torture. I did good until about 11am this morning. All of a sudden my chest got tight and my heart was pounding in my chest. It would last about 5 seconds and go away. It is still doing it a few hours later. The waiting is killing me. I'll just be sitting at my desk working and wham! it hits me. I even took my pulse and it was approximately 88bpm. Which I think it pretty high for just sitting at my desk.

Damn Google too. I've been Googling like crazy - and Hubby isn't happy with me about it. I can't help it though. I wish today my office cut off my Internet connection so I didn't have the world.wide.web. at my fingertips. I really wish I knew was my first test result was too, but I don't. I've thought about calling and asking, but that would just have me obsessing even more. Most everything I read says it doesn't matter the number as long as it's doubling like it's supposed to. I'll find out on Wednesday.

I'm sure today and tomorrow are going to be a breeze compared to the hours and hours I'll have to wait to get the results on Wednesday.

**breathe in...and out...breathe in...**

Sunday, October 4, 2009

3 days left!

Only three more days! I can't wait. Honestly though, I've been busy enough the last week that it hasn't gone as slow as I thought - and I'm so thankful!

My hiney is so sore from being injected every day the last month. My ta-ta's are still pretty sore, but they don't seem as bad as they were. I've also been having some ovarian pain, sometimes it's a sharp pain and sometimes it's just crampy. I'm not surprised at all since I have follies, which I'm sure are cysts now, that didn't go away when I ovulated. It's not an unfamiliar feeling, so I'm not too worried.

Unfortunately, more people than I wanted to tell have found out about my "faint" positive. I just hope for my sake that my little bean continues to grow and I don't have to break the news of the failure. Despite my effort, I can't help but be excited and day dream about the possibilities. It didn't help shopping for my friends baby shower and attending it yesterday. She got so many cute things for her little baby girl that I kept thinking that I'll need this or that or want this or that. It's tough. It was a good day though. I'm glad it was this weekend and not next weekend if I do end up not actually being pregnant anymore. I don't think I would have been able to go.

Well, not much to report. I do another booster HCG injection tonight, and continue the PIO...

I don't remember if I mentioned it before, but my spotting stopped on Wednesday afternoon, and I have seen anymore since - and believe me, I thoroughly inspect every piece of TP. :0)

And one last thing...I've definitely had some changes with my sniffer. On Friday in particular I seemed to smell things a lot stronger..and my taste buds are a little wacky. I can't stand milk right now and my appetite has been weird. I wonder if the booster HCG makes me experience these side effects??? Who knows.

Have a good week - and I'll give you an update on Wednesday!

Thursday, October 1, 2009

The most beautiful song ever!

I just heard this song on So You T.hink Y.ou Can.Dance. As soon as it started I choked up. I think it is so beautiful! It's called "Your Hands" by JJ Heller.

I couldn't upload the video, but you can listen to it at this link.

Here are the lyrics. Seriously. This is a tear jerker.

I have unanswered prayers
I have trouble I wish wasn’t there
And I have asked a thousand ways
That you would take my pain away
You would take my pain away

I am trying to understand
How to walk this weary land
Make straight the paths that crooked lie
Oh Lord, before these feet of mine
Oh Lord, before these feet of mine

When my world is shaking, heaven stands
When my heart is breaking
I never leave your hands

When you walked upon the earth
You healed the broken, lost and hurt
I know you hate to see me cry
One day you will set all things right
Yeah, one day you will set all things right

When my world is shaking, heaven stands
When my heart is breaking
I never leave your hands

Your hands that shaped the world
Are holding me
They hold me still