Monday, June 28, 2010

Back to work

Once again, it has taken me days and days to complete a post...

I started back to work on Monday (boo!). It actually hasn't been too bad, but I'm sure it's just because I'm working 4 hour days. My original plan was to work half days this week and next, then go back to full time the following week. I thought I'd have to stick to that plan since that's what I worked out with my boss before I left on maternity leave.

Well, I found out on Monday that during my 12 weeks of maternity leave I could use that time however I wanted to. I decided to continue with the half days until my leave is over (August 9). I feel so much better about this. I've really had a lot of anxiety about leaving Hubby alone with the kids. His mom has been coming over everyday to help him out while I'm gone, but I know that won't last forever.

I think I mentioned in my previous post about how I never really thought I'd feel so strongly about staying home with my girls. I thought it would work out perfect having Hubs stay home during the day while I worked, then he would go to work when I got home. Well, things haven't worked out exactly that way. Since Hubby has started back to work he hasn't gotten a whole heckova lot of hours. Seriously, like one or two shifts a week. He also doesn't enjoy being a stay-at-home-dad like I thought he would. Although he said it is growing on him.

We've been having some discussions lately and he's going to be hunting for a new job. He just can't rely on getting more hours from his current employer. Plus, I REALLY would like to be with my girls, so he needs something that has decent pay and benefits so I could quit or drastically reduce my hours at work. Currently, I have to work 30/week to keep my benefits.

My boss also asked me if I'd like to continue to work half time after my leave is over. I would really like to do this, but I just don't see how it will work. If Hubby finds a new job, then we'd have to have childcare for them while I'm at work. It doesn't make sense to put them in daycare for 4 hours a day since I'll probably not make enough money in that time to be worth it. If Hubby hasn't gotten a new job by then, that means he'll probably still not have many hours and it would make more sense for me to work full time to bring home the bacon. I really "should" work full time now for the money, but I'll never have this opportunity again to work half time at my office (unless obviously if I did it permanently).

Our life is so crazy right now. It seems the dust will never settle. Our girls are growing like weeds and I want to be there as much as I can to witness it.

Oh and an update from my last post...we have to plans to move into my parents garage. Although it would be a money saver, it just doesn't make sense. I am still willing to cut back on our lifestyle for a few years to make things work for me to stay home...but we'll just have to see how it all plays out. This year has sucked pretty bad, and I'm sad my girls had to join us during this time, but I guess things happen for a reason. Thank God for the GENEROUS help we've gotten from our family though, it's the only thing getting us through right now.

Thursday, June 24, 2010

4 weeks!

The girls are now 4 weeks old! I can't believe how fast time is flying by! Sadly, I am returning to work next week. I wish I could use up all of my maternity leave, but financially...I gotsta go back.

The girls are doing so well. I really think the reflux meds have helped K a ton! I've also been having her sleep in her bouncy seat at night. The combination of the two has been working well. She's basically sleeping from feeding to feeding (3-4 hours), unless she's gassy. N has been doing well too. Poor little girl got the baby acne a little worse than her sister. Plus yesterday it was so warm yesterday she chilled in a onesie most of the day and her nails got her a little too :0(

Both girls got a bath today. I hate giving them a bath. It will be so much better when they can hold their head up and even better when they can sit up on their own. Right now it's a two person job to bathe them. I have to have someone holding their heads and bodies up, since they tend to slouch down in the tub. Oh, and by the way, those mesh hammock thingies that the tubs come with are a pain in a butt. They get soapy and the girls slide down in them it's hard to rise the kids off. After the first bath I put that thing away. I do have to say that today's bath was a little better. They actually seemed to like it more. Actually, I should say K liked it more. She hates being messed with. She hates her diaper changed, clothes changed, etc. N liked the bath just as much I think. She didn't let out a peep until I was trying to get her dressed again - which is really hard to do with their skin is damp.

I've been freaking out the last few days with my first day of work looming. I thought I had everything figured out. I'd have my hours changed at work. Hubby would stay home with the girls. I'd get home and he'd leave for work. Simple. No daycare. Win-win for everyone. The reality is, my work doesn't seem to be as cooperative as they said they'd be when I first asked about me switching my hours. Hubby is not cut out to be a stay at home dad. I don't blame him. It's a lot of work and really overwhelming to be alone with them. He's been really good with them, but gets frustrated really easy. Also, his work isn't giving him many hours at all. Seriously, like one or two days a week.

I talked before about hard times at our house. Since Hubby got sick back in December and had to have his surgery and then the second surgery in March, he's just gotten back to work about a week or two ago after healing from his surgeries. Financially we're in really bad shape. We've basically been living off of his parents for months. Thank God for them. I'm ready to throw in the towel on our house. We're are months behind in our payments and even when I am back to work and able to make payments again, they are too big for us. The payment has always been a little too steep, but we made it work before, but now with the girls here, it's pretty much impossible. My mom half serious/half joking said that we could move into one of their garages (my brother lives in the upstairs part of the garage - lol. I'm actually considering it. My dad is a handyman, he would fix it up and make it livable for us. Sure we wouldn't have a bathroom, but the house is 20 ft away. And really, things would suck, but I'd be able to not work at all or only work part time and be able to spend the first precious few years with my girls. Because really, we'd only have to figure something out for the first five years, until they start school.

Even if living in my parents garage doesn't workout, I'd like to figure out something. I jokingly said on fa.ceboo.k that I'd live in a van down by the river. While the girls are this young, they aren't going to know or care where we live. When I was a kid, my parents didn't have much money and I've heard stories about the living conditions we were in until I was in kindergarten. I don't hardly remember at all. Not the bad stuff anyway.

Anyway, I didn't mean to make this post all about staying home with the kids, but I'm racking my brain trying to figure something out. I never thought I'd feel so strongly about leaving my girls during the day to go to work. **sigh** I know most if not all moms feel this way, but I seriously want to lay on the floor and kick my arms and legs and throw a tantrum about going back to work. I don't wanna!

Okay, more pictures of the girls coming soon. Their one-month "birthday" is Saturday!

Friday, June 18, 2010

1 month-ish check up

The girls went in today for their one month check up. They are 3 weeks and two days old today. K weighed in at a whoppin' 9lbs 5oz (in the 64th percentile)!! Little N came in at 7lbs 8oz (the 11th percentile).

We talked with the doc about K screaming and crying, more than just the "normal" baby crying. We figured it may be gas pain or reflux. We're supposed to try those M.ylicon drops 4-6 times a day and see if that helps. If not, there is a prescription waiting for us at the pharmacy for some Zantac. The more I think about it, the more the reflux makes sense. She really cries when we lay her down and she stops when we pick her up and she's upright. So much for me thinking she was being spoiled by sleeping on me or in her swing instead of in her crib. Poor widdle girl! We'll see if that's what it is. I hope it is "something" that is fixable. I think she gets really tired too since she doesn't seem to sleep too well at night.

We get to go back in a month or so for their two month check up...and get all their shots :0(

Also while we were there Hubby saw the doc too (he's our family doc). Turns out Hubby has developed a umbilical hernia, probably resulting from his surgeries he's had. He's waiting to hear from the surgeon's office to get an appointment to see if it will go away on it's own or require ANOTHER surgery. Seriously. Does this crap ever end? He just got back to work last week and now he's supposed to take it easy and stay off his feet until he hears back from their office. Excellent. Depending on what they say I may be going back to worker sooner than I wanted to. Oh well.

Tuesday, June 15, 2010

Hodge Podge

Once again, it's taken me days and days to squeeze out a post. I've had several things I've wanted to blog about lately, but now...I don't have the time. So, I figured the best way to get my thoughts out was to just hit on each topic instead of doing a post for each thing.

- I hate pumping. It is evil. I'm not sure exactly why, but as soon as I get all hooked up and tugged on I get pissy. I'm instantly angry. It's 15 minutes of trying not to talk to anyone so I don't be mean. I have a hard time pumping when I'm supposed to. For one, since I hate it, it's hard to get motivated to keep on schedule. Two, with the girls being on different feeding schedules it's just one more thing to do at a certain time. I have the pump rented for a month, and I think I'm going to return it at the end of the month instead of renting it longer. I'm only getting about 1/3 of what they need anyway. And one last selfish excuse is having to deal with pumping at work. It would be a pain to deal with. I know, I know the breast is the best, but I think giving them what I can for a month is better than what some mothers do... That's my story, and I'm sticking to it. **Update, as of yesterday I quit pumping. It is nice not having to deal with it anymore, but I feel guilty for giving up early. And as my punishment my boobs hurt so bad! Yowza!**

- The girls. They are definitely different. Not only looks wise, but personality. Natalie is the small fry. She is quiet and seems so peaceful most of the time. Kaitlyn on the other hand, is the moose...and the noisy one. She squeaks and makes all kinds of noises all the time, which are usually so cute and I love to listen to, but she is also a screamer and a major crier. I seem to be the only one who can console her. My husband gets so frustrated because she cries and cries and there doesn't seem to be anything at times that can make her stop. Most of the time, if I grab her and hold her to my chest she'll stop. It's a love/hate thing for me. I love that I can comfort her and she can calm down when she's close to me, but I also hate it, because feel like maybe I shouldn't hold her so much so she doesn't rely only on snuggling with only me to feel better. I know she's only three weeks old and probably doesn't realize what's happening. I just don't want to make it a habit. I'm going back to work soon and I won't be home to comfort her all the time. It's something I really struggle with every time she cries. I've tried to let her "cry it out" a couple of times, but I don't have the heart to let her go on for very long. She's only three weeks old. Poor lil bugger.

- My hubby. God bless him. He has been doing a pretty darn good job for never being around babies before. He washes bottles, mixes formula, changes diapers, gets up for feedings at night. I know he gets really frustrated with them though. He mostly handles Natalie and I have Katie. I really don't like this set up. He should be bonding more with Katie, but her crying really drives him nuts. I see him get annoyed and I want to just take her back and love on her. He likes Natalie since she's so quiet. She's awake the most too so he gets to take care of the "easy one".

- Nighttime. Ugh. My mom stayed the night with us for two weeks. It was so nice. We've been on our own now for three or four nights and it's been rough. The girls rarely sleep at the same time. They eat at different times so it seems like there is constantly someone crying. Like I said before, Hubby gets Natalie and she mostly sleeps from feeding to feeding (about 4 hours or so). She does however like her pacifier and will wake up whenever it falls out. Unfortunately the cradle is on my side of the bed so I'm the one putting it back in her mouth constantly. Then Kaitlyn will cry and it takes about an hour to feed her, burp her and get her sleepy enough to go back to bed. She's waking up about every 3 hours to eat. The last two nights I think I've gotten about 3 hours of majorly interrupted sleep. Most of it has come after burping Katie and falling asleep with her in my arms in the recliner.

- Daytime. It is so quiet. I think the girls are so exhausted from being up all night they sleep during the day. I really should nap during this time, but usually I am busy washing laundry or bottles or feeding myself. It doesn't sound like much but the days fly by so fast! I've only been able to sneak in a shower every other day. I live in my pj's and other than having our pictures taken last week, I haven't put on a bit of make up for probably two months.

The swing has been a lifesaver. Both girls enjoy rocking in it and it gives us some time to put them down while they're awake to get some stuff done. Thankfully, yesterday, my friend brought over a second swing that she is no longer using. This will be nice since I generally have to evaluate who needs the swing the most and who could chill by themselves. Now they can both have a swing. Yay!

Well I suppose that's enough for now, especially since I have Katie in one arm and I'm typing with one hand now.

Tuesday, June 8, 2010

Their first photo shoot

The girls had their photos taken yesterday. A coworker of my mom's did it for free!! She is still working on editing the others but she sent this one this morning. Isn't it just so freakin adorable. I got a little choked up when I saw it.

The girls will be two weeks old tomorrow. I can't believe how fast time is flying. Soon enough it will be July and I'll have to go back to work **sniff, sniff** I just love snuggling with them. K is quite the snuggle bug. She loves laying on my chest, in fact she is laying on me right now snoozing away. Spoiled girl.

They did so good yesterday, although I think it wore them out. They slept solid for hours and hours. We had to wake them to eat.

I just wanted to share the picture. I'll post some more when I get them!

Thursday, June 3, 2010

Too good to be true?

**knock on wood**

The past two nights my girls have slept solid for 4 hours at a time and are feeding one right after the other. It might be too good to be true. It makes it so easy for one person to take care of them at night.

The night before last my mom (who has been staying with us at night) wasn't able to come over, so Hubby and I had the girls to ourselves. Hubby still isn't feeling well, so it was me taking care of them. It was such a breeze! I got some good chunks of sleep.

Last night, my mom was taking care of the girls and I only had to wake up to pump every 3 hours. She said that they were sleeping from feeding to feeding too. I hope this isn't a fluke!

Before the last couple of nights they've been really fussy at night and sleeping solid during the day (surprise, surprise!). We'll see if this is a trend. Even if it isn't, it's such a treat!

Tuesday, June 1, 2010