Elastic is my friend

Today for work, I finally got smart and decided to wear my black skirt - with an elastic waist! Duh! Why didn't I think of that before? I have this one that's long, another shorter one and two dresses I could wear. Hello! I am so much more comfortable today! These four items will do until Friday, which is when I will once again don my jeans with the rubber band around the button (yay for casual Fridays!). This buys me another week to get by without purchasing maternity clothes.

All weekend I wore sweats, with the exception of two hours on Saturday when I left the house to do a little shopping.

It was actually a pretty quiet long holiday weekend. Thursday I visited my parents for a couple of hours, then Hubby and I went to his mom's for dinner. I was actually able to eat dinner and felt good afterward! I was afraid I'd have a "sick" day, but it was great! We ate, watched football, ate some pie, and vegged on the couch. Perfect! Friday I dinked around the house cleaning and putting fall decor away. Saturday I shopped for about two hours hunting down the items I needed for gifts and put up Christmas decoration. Sunday I never even put a bra on (sorry, TMI). I managed to do two loads of laundry, but that was it. Other than that I watched a LONG marathon of Amer.ica's N.ext T.o.p Mo.del. It was great.

What was not great was waking up to my screeching alarm this morning. Booo! I enjoyed my 10-11 hours of sleep each night. Good news though, I'm not dragging today, thankfully. I've been really busy, so that hasn't given me time to get sleepy. I'm sure I'll sleep good tonight though!

In baby related news, I think I've felt the first flutters of movement. It's probably been a week or so now since I first noticed it. It's not strong and only happens occasionally, but I'm convinced it's my little beans moving around.

Well, that's about it. I have my appointment on Friday - feel like it's been forever since my last one. I can't wait to see how much they've changed.

I hope you all had a great weekend - I can't believe tomorrow is December already!!!

Thanksgiving Eve

I figured I'd get this posted today since I know I won't be home tomorrow to do it. This year has been quite the roller coaster. Possibly the biggest ride of my life. Strangely though, as much as I hated my fertility journey, I can't help but be a little thankful for it. Experiencing all the treatment, emotional and physical pain, and the stress has brought me closer to God and to my husband.

I have never prayed so much as I have this year - particularly the last several months. Although I didn't always get what I asked for at the time, I did feel His comfort and peace when I needed it the most.

My husband and I have grown so close during this time. It has been hard on both of us. He has been so supportive and as understanding as he can be. I can already see the kind of father that he will be and it makes me choke up with happiness. We've been though a lot of trials since our wedding 4 years ago, and we always seem to pull out of it together and stronger than ever.

I'm also thankful for the support I've had from my mother-in-law, my friend Rita, a couple of new(er) friends Heather and Amanda, and my coworker Jen. They all have been there for me to talk to or offer advice or sympathy. I've really appreciated having people to be able to talk too, even if they can't totally relate to what I'm going through, they've been there. And that's important.

Of course I can't leave out my doctor. He is quirky, a little strange, and his office staff drive me crazy...but however they are, they did their job. I'm pregnant. I never thought I would say those words, but it's true. Dr. M actually took the time to review my situation at every appointment and to make adjustments as he saw fit. I'm very thankful for that.

And last, but not at all least, the blogger world! I cannot thank you all enough. Not only the comments I've received, but being able to read others' stories of success and continued treatment has really helped me feel not so alone, and has given me hope for myself. Thank you bloggy friends, you mean so much to me!

So thank you all, this has been quite the year. I hope you all have a wonderful day tomorrow.

11w3d

...and not much has changed.

I was really hoping this week I'd start that uphill climb out of the nausea and vomiting. No such luck. In fact, I think the last week I've been worse. I had been averaging vomiting about once or twice a week, but this week I've lost it three times in the last five days. I just never thought that "morning sickness" would be this way. I thought I'd be sick for a couple of hours and then totally fine the rest of the day. Not so much. It's more like feel good for an hour, crappy for two, etc.

Work makes me miserable, and I don't even do hard work. I sit in a chair at my desk for most of the day. I think having to be up and walking around and talking etc. makes me more tired. I know it sounds pathetic, but these days all I want is to have my elastic waisted sweats on and recline or lay down. I have my desk chair leaned back as far as it will go, but that doesn't make typing very ergonomic. Oh well, at least it takes the pressure off my tummy and my belt. :0)I still have not gotten any maternity pants, although I REALLY need to. I've moved down three notches on my belt already.

So far pregnancy is no barrel of monkeys, but I know I will endure and my reward at the end will be more than worth it.

I do have to say though, I've been reading some blogs on twin parenting and pregnancy. They are scaring me :0)

So sleepy today...

I'm so tired today. My eyes are burning they want to close so bad. I slept so awesome two nights ago I thought last night could be the same. Sadly not.

I sleep with a air conditioning unit in the window - running on just the fan when it's not hot. The noise blocks out the neighborhood noise and the occasional train. Even the TV when hubby has it loud in the living room. Anyway, we've had some pretty gnarly wind storms coming through this week, so last night as I'm trying to fall asleep the power kept flickering which made the a/c power off then come back on. This of course kept me awake. Then of course there is the getting up to pee a couple of times. Then I had to get up for water because I forgot to bring a glass back with me. And the icing on the cake? The living room smoke detector started chirping sometime in the night. Apparently it's ready for the batteries to be changed. Every time it chirped I woke up. Add it all together and you get a pretty crappy night of sleep.

I was already tired this morning, but now it is worse. I had a fun little vomiting episode at work this morning too. So my stomach and back muscles are sore on top of it. I can't wait to go home. I might even take a nap!

On a side note, I don't know if it is the change in the weather or if it's pregnancy related, but I am so phlegmy lately. Okay, this is gross...I can't really blow it all out I have to hack it up...and I think that's what made me vomit this morning. I could feel the crud in my throat and I went to the bathroom to "expel" it and that lead to gagging and then some pretty bad vomiting. Anyway, it sucks to have a head full of that crap every day - although it's the worst in the morning.

That's all for now. I figured I'd blog for a few minutes to try and keep me from laying my head down on my desk...that took all of five minutes. Three more hours to go...

10w4d appointment

There are the pics!

Appointment went good - yay! The two little gummi's were flipping around and moving all over when the doc was trying to measure them. He measured their neck for signs of down syndrome - I forget the name at the moment. They both looked great. The doc offered to have to do blood tests for DS, but I declined. I don't see a point.

Anyway, now they are about an inch and a half long. About double from two weeks ago. I go in for another u/s in two weeks! Hopefully this one we can do on the tummy. We tried today, but could only see the sacs.

Ta ta for now!

Adorable Dr. Seuss themes!

I know, I know, I should be working, but I just had to tell you about this awesome Web site! It's Design Dazzle she has awesome pictures of nurseries, kids rooms and teenagers rooms. She also has baby shower ideas. I just had to share this one...

http://designdazzle.blogspot.com/2009/07/baby-shower-ideas-dr-seuss.html

Look at those Thing 1 and 2 cupcakes! Aren't they just the cutest!

This is the nursery. I love the mural, and the dresser!

http://designdazzle.blogspot.com/2009/10/sweet-dr-seuss-nursery.html

I've never considered a Dr. Seuss theme, but looking at this has me thinking...

I think they hate me already

My two little inch long babies are kicking my butt! Shame of me for thinking that I was doing better! On Saturday I finally ventured out and left the house for a while. A whole three hours. This is the first time in almost a month that I left the house on a weekend to go somewhere other than the grocery store.

I decided on Friday night to make some stew. While it was simmering in the oven for two hours the aroma permeated the house. And I got nauseous. The smell of the beef and the onions and the garlic was so gross! I couldn't wait for it to be done so I could cool it down and throw it in the fridge. After it made it to the fridge I couldn't get the smell out of the house. It was too cold to open windows so I lit candles. Then the house smelled like peaches, vanilla, and stew. Mmm...

Anyway, back to Saturday. I decided since my mom has been busy with doing these bazaars/craft shows whoring some S.centsy products, and my dad has been off hunting, that I would bring the stew to their house for them to eat. So I drove down to their house, then up to Olympia to visit her at her event. Then I was off to shop for some materials for the Christmas presents I'm attempting. I can't talk about it on here because there are some peeps who read this who will be receiving my attempted craftiness. I went to a few stores looking for stuff. I quickly lost steam after picking up only one of the items I needed. By the time I got home I was exhausted and my head was pounding. We ordered some Chinese for dinner and I feel asleep on the couch about 7:30. At 8:30 my head was still pounding after taking some Tyl.enol and I was nauseous, so I went to bed.

I slept until about 9:30 on Sunday - I guess I was that tired. I got up and had to eat right away because I was feeling pukey and I was starving. I ate a couple of Eggos...and then about a half an hour later I lost the down the drain. I proceeded to vomit for several minutes straight. The whole day I was on the verge of losing it again. I managed to eat a little here and there, but kept getting up and running to the kitchen sink. Thankfully I didn't puke again, but man, it was close.

Now, Monday, I am home. I didn't go to work today. I wasn't feeling too hot, and there was nothing at work that had to be done so I chilled for the day. I've had a queasy stomach, but no close calls so far.

I think the worst part of the nausea is the burping along with it, it's like a hiccup/burp...so gross and I'm always scared I'm going to barf when I do that. Ugh. Pregnancy is so glamorous!

Ultrasound on Wednesday - woohoo!

In other news...

My first post this morning was just supposed to be a recap of what's going on, how I'm feeling etc. Well, it went a different direction, and that's fine. I guess I needed to get that off my chest.

But in other news, I'm actually feeling better than I have the last couple of weeks. For a while I was super nauseous for a few hours in the morning. On the verge of vomiting the whole time. Then I'd feel okay for the afternoon and then after dinner I'd be laid out on the couch for the night.

This week THANKFULLY, I'm doing better. I'm still a little queasy in the morning, but it nothing like it was. Mostly, I'm really mucousy and trying to get rid of that in the mornings makes me gag and come close to puking. I do for sure have to eat something either before I leave the house or in the car on the way to work. If I wait too long it makes me really sick. My breakfast of choice has been a bagel and cream cheese. Then when I get to work I have a banana or an apple or something. I've discovered that peanut butter doesn't like me anymore. I still like it, but it makes my stomach hurt.

Smells are still really bothering me. It seems I've adopted my basset hounds nose. I can smell other peoples food from a mile away. Perfume is especially bad.

I've managed to make dinner twice this week. I made some minestrone soup, which tasted pretty good, but I can't bring myself to eat the left overs so they are going in the freezer tonight. I also made a roast with potatoes and carrots and that was super yummy. I scarfed almost half of it the first night, hubby at a little (he's been sick :0() and then I polished it off the next day. I have the fixin's for beef stew, but I didn't manage to get that prepared last night to go in the crock pot today, so that will have to be dinner tomorrow. I'm not normally a huge beef eater. I like it and I do eat it occasionally, but normally we have chicken for dinner. Lately, I've had a hard time with chicken, so I'll eat what I can. It beats the toast, Eggos, and cold cereal I lived off of for the first few weeks.

On one more note - finding maternity clothes sucks. I hate clothes shopping anyway, because I'm tall and well, wide. It's hard to find stuff that fits and looks okay. I was dreading having to find maternity pants, but I had no choice since I've already had to start wearing mine unbuttoned with a rubber band about the button and hole. It turns out it is really hard to even find a store that carries maternity clothes to begin with. I've tried Sh.opko, Wal.mart, K.ohls, and Tar.get so far. I have Se.ars, JC.Penny, and Ol.dNa.vy left to try before I start hitting up Mo.therhood, etc. I have a hard time justifying spending a bunch of money on clothes I'm going to wear for less than a year. But really, what choice do I have. My rubber bands only stretch so far :0) I did look at belly.bands or whatever they're called at T.arg.et, but of course they didn't have my size...

I think that's about it for now. Of course my hiney is still recovering from all the shots, and it's still tender, but I'm loving going to bed every night when I want and not having to wait for Hubs to get home from work to inject me!

On that note, I better get back to work. Two hours left before the weekend! Woohoo!

P.S. Tomorrow I'm 10 weeks already!!!! Next u/s is on Wednesday!

Not myself

I have debated about writing about this for a little bit now for fear of having rotten vegetables thrown at me, but...

Other than the initial excitement about getting a positive pregnancy test, and of course finding out that it's twins, I have not been excited about this pregnancy at all. Shame on me, I know. I mean seriously, how many years have I been trying for this. How much time, money and tears have been spent. Believe me, it's not that I'm not grateful for getting here, and up until recently I had no idea why I was feeling this way. I have discovered though, it is fear. I am so scared about bringing two little helpless babies into this world. Not only sustaining them and growing them through the next 6-7 months, but what about the time after they're born? What about the next 18 years? If having one baby isn't scary enough, we will have two.

Financially as it is right now, things are tight. We bought a house three years ago with a ridiculously high interest rate. I looked into refinancing, but for different reasons, we aren't able to lower our payment. This will no do. We have to do something. We need to move. I can't imagine us surviving the way things are now, much less with two little babies to take care of. Of course Hubby "doesn't want to think about it right now", but sorry bub...we ain't got much time.

I think I'm just a little stressed about the future. I'm the type of person who like to have things all planned out and squared away. I can't plan anything. I can't plan my time off work because who knows when these two munchkins will arrive. I can't plan the nursery, because I doubt we will be in this house. I can't plan an a place to move, because who knows when we'll sell - or if.

I know this is supposed to be a joyous time in my life. I'm supposed to be enjoying being pregnant and planning for our future, but I just can't. I get a sick feeling everytime I get an email from b.aby.cen.ter with how I'm progressing this week. Time is going really fast.

I find myself faking joy everyday when I'm bombarded by coworkers asking how I'm feeling and telling me how excited they are for me and are they boys are girls, what do we want to name them, etc. I just can't get into it. Even Hubby is more excited than I am, and he's usually the one who stresses about things to come. I just feel like such an asshole. I don't want to complain. I feel like I'm taking this for granted, but right now, it seems like more of a burden than anything.

I'm sorry, I know it's horrible, but it's how I feel. Maybe my hormones will shift again and in a week or so things will change.

Please hold on your your heads of lettuce and tomatoes, I feel bad enough already.

Oh happy day!

If I could do cart wheels I would!!

Dr. M just called (yes, at noon on Sunday) and said my progesterone looks great and I don't need to do the shots anymore!!!! I am so happy! It's so good in fact, I don't even have to have it tested anymore. I just go back for my ultrasound the week after next.

We've been doing these injections since September 19.

So happy!

P.S. This is my 200th post! I can't believe I've posted so much in the last 15 months. I love blogging and reading blogs, it's been such a good outlet. I'm so thankful for all you fellow bloggers, readers, and commenters!!

Bummed

I had my progesterone tested on WEDNESDAY! I have still not heard from the doctor. I knew they wouldn't get my results until Thursday, so yesterday I had my phone attached to my hip. No call. I waited until this afternoon, but still nothin. I finally called and the nurse told me my level went up from 53 last week to 59. I'm so happy, but...

She said to continue doing what I'm doing until I hear from Dr. M. I was expecting a call today, but now it's 8pm and still no call. I guess I will have to continue the shots until at least Monday. I'll call again if I haven't heard...or maybe I'll continue until my next test on Wednesday.

Sigh.

8w4d appointment

I had another u/s appointment today. Everything is still looking good. I still haven't been able to hear the heartbeats, but we saw them again today flickering away!

I had my progesterone test this morning, but they won't get the results back until tomorrow, so I have at least one more injection left...

Sorry I haven't posted much lately, there really hasn't been much to report. I'm still nauseous and starving all the time. Although, I haven't vomited since last Friday, so that's good. I've been extremely lazy and tired. My two 15 minute breaks at work are my nap times. I go down to our breakroom and lay on the couch and sleep for at least 10 mins. At home I change into my pj's right away and veg out on the couch for the night. I have been sleeping better, so that's a bonus. I'm not tossing and turning like I was. I am still getting up a couple of times a night to pee though.

I think that is about it. I have another appointment in two weeks, and I'm to continue my progesterone blood draws once a week.

OH!! I did get vaccinated for H1N1 while I was at the doctor's office today. I was really on the fence about it, so I decided I'd leave it up to the doc. If he insisted I'd do it. He firmly told me I needed it and I should get it before I left. So I did. I figure this way I don't have to stress about catching it and running from every cough or sneeze I hear.

Okay, really, I think that's it. Now on to the fun part - pictures!

They are still measuring 2 days apart, but the doc is not concerned. He said that is very normal, and it is still a little hard to measure since they are so small. Although two weeks ago they were grains of rice, now they are almost an inch long!