what to do????

Here is a mini outline of what I have on my brain:

1. Clomid cycle 6
2. IVF
3. $$$
4. my career

Okay, let's start with numero uno. I am still about a week away from when I am supposed to get my period. I HOPE that is comes. Even if I have to wait longer than 28 days....I just hope it comes. If/when it does come then I start popping my pills for the SIXTH time. I have a feeling in my gut that this is my last chance on clomid. I have a feeling that when this cycle fails...yes, I said when - I'm a little pessimistic these days..I have a feeling that the doc is going to say we need to move on to something else.

This leads me to number two. IVF. You may remember just a few short blogs ago I said I was against - totally against - IVF. Not at all because I was judgmental or that I didn't believe in it, it just didn't seem right for me. I didn't want a "test tube" baby. I hate needles and the thought of injecting myself everyday was obviously a HUGE turn off!

Well, I've "sort of" changed my mind. My husband and I have actually starting talking about IVF and actually are considering it. I figured, yes, I hate needles, but am I not going to try for a baby because of a silly fear? Also, the whole "test tube" baby thing...I'm telling myself "what is the big deal?" It's not like the baby is going to have a stamp on it's forehead and it's not like it will be an alien baby. I am being humbled by this experience. And I'm learning that it is okay to receive help (i.e. clomid and/or IVF, etc.) and that it doesn't matter in the big picture how the child got here as long as it was healthy.

Next...number three...the moolah...Yes. IVF is expensive. Another thought though is how can you put a price on a child? Besides, last January we forked over $6,000 for our dog's back surgery. Yep, that's right folks - $6 g's!! If we are willing to spend that much on our dog, what about for our family??? So, if cycle six doesn't work and we do decide to move on. We will have a plan. I will take a few months to get as healthy as I can. We will save, save, save. And we will take it one day at a time.

Lastly - and I'm breaking away from my fertility stuff for a moment - my career (or lack there of). For YEARS I've thought about becoming a teacher. At the beginning, I didn't have the money to pay for it. Then I would be wishy washy with my commitment. During this time I have been working an 8-5 office job. While I really really like the office and the people I work with, it is just not fulfilling. While I by no means want to change the world, I at least want to make a difference. I feel like if I fell off the face of the earth no one would even notice, in the grand scheme of things (and I mean professionally). I'd love to teach somewhere between 1st and 3rd grade.

My dilemma is how to go about it. Do I start now and take a break if we have children? Do I wait until we have children and I am settled enough to start? If I do start now and I do the evening courses for the two year degree, what do I do for the other two? Do I just work part-time? Can I finish online? What about student teaching? SO MANY QUESTIONS! And do I even worry about this now while we are dealing with this fertility crap. Ugh...any insight you readers may have would be helpful!!

Okay, I think that is enough. Ciao for now!!