Feeling Chatty

So, my real purpose of this blog is to be able to a) have a journal to track my experience b) be able to have a outlet, since I feel like at times I have no one to talk to c) to hopefully help others who feel like you’re alone, not feel so lonely.

I have my up and down days. For the longest time I was pretty pessimistic about getting a positive test. It actually got so bad for a while that I thought I should go seek therapy. Don’t get me wrong. I have my lovely A to talk to all the time, but he’s a guy and COMPLETELY does not understand where I am coming from. It is nice to talk to him on one hand because he IS an ear to listen, but on the other hand, I think since he is a male, he feels like he has to fix everything, and he always has advice to offer, when sometimes I just want to vent.

I have also sought out my friends. I have several really good friends, all of whom have 2 kids or more. It is hard for me to talk to them about my struggles as well, because, well, they have kids..
My best friend, she lives all the way across the country. With the time difference it is hard to time when to talk to her. She recently found out she is expecting. I think she is at 7 weeks right now. I have to admit, I had a twinge of jealousy when she told me. She already has two beautiful girls. Her husband had been in Iraq for about a year and the joke was when he got home she was going to be knocked up. Viola! She is. I actually just confessed to her last night about my jealousy, I know she understands and that is nice.

I sometimes regret telling so many people that we have decided to do the fertility treatment. At first, I was really selective about who I was telling, mainly because I thought that I would get pregnant quickly and didn’t want a ton of ppl to know right away that I was preggers. But now that it has been about 9 months I have slowly but surely told almost everyone I know. All is good about them knowing, but that just leads to people asking all the time about it. When I am feeling optimistic I have no problem talking about it, but when I am down in the dumps, my emotions are on my sleeve, and so I have to beware of the tears.