Wednesday, September 30, 2009

No more rollercoaster - now I'm a yo-yo

Man, I though I didn't like roller coasters...we'll I don't like yo-yo's either. I feel more like a yo-yo the last 36 hours. There isn't a gradual rise to happiness and drop to depression like the 'coaster. It's more of one minute I'm excited and the next I'm scared.

The spotting is still sticking around. It got a lot better yesterday then came back last night. Today it is light again. I'm also a little nervous because I keep having cramping. Sometimes it feels ovarian and sometimes it feel like my ute. I'm hoping it is just ovarian and all those left over follies are going away. The doc did bump up my PIO from 1/2 a cc to 1cc.

Monday night Hubby had me buy a test so I could prove to him that it was positive. It's funny, even thought I knew it would be I was so nervous while we waiting the 3 minutes for it to process. And yes, it was positive - a faint positive.

It's funny how while I was in all my two-week-waits before, I'd make excuses for every little thing being a pregnancy symptom. Now, I'm making excuses for things that could be a symptom not being one. For example:
  • Yesterday, all day, I had mega heartburn. That is a definite symptom of early pregnancy. BUT, I also get heartburn when I eat any sort of oats, like granola, oatmeal, etc. Yesterday for breakfast I had a granola bar. I think I took two tums three times yesterday. Usually I can take Tums once and it will go away.
  • I have been mega tired. I chalked up this weekend to being exhausted from working so much last week. The last two night's I've been ready for bed by 9-9:30 (usually I go to bed about 11). I'm blaming this on my emotional day Monday and yesterday shopping with my mom for a couple of hours.

One more thing before I get back to work (bad employee!). I told my mom last night. I didn't want to and wasn't planning on it until I had my next test result next week. I've talked about her before and how she has been completely uninterested in my treatments for the last two years. She never asks and when I tell her anything she changes the subject. When I asked her once if she read my blog she said no, because it depresses her. Thanks mom. So you can see my hesitation to tell her...Anyway, last night we went shopping for a friend of mine's baby shower this weekend (Hi R!). The whole hour we spent wandering around the baby aisles I wanted to tell her so bad (I may be a glutton for punishment)! But I didn't. We finished our shopping and went out for dinner. Just as we're starting to eat she asks if I have gotten my test results back yet from my last treatment. I about choked. She has NEVER asked me this before. I couldn't lie. So I told her that I did on Monday but that it was faint and I wanted to wait until next week...blah, blah, blah...

She freaks. She is so happy. She said that she wanted to ask so bad while we were shopping but it was negative she didn't want to upset me while we were in the baby aisle. (very thoughtful of her). She also told me a couple of weeks ago when some family was in from out of town, they went to Ik.ea and she was going through the nursery area looking at furniture.

The thing that shocked me the most though, is while my aunts were here. They were supposed to come over to see my house the day I found out we would be doing IVF. It was a bad emotional day for me so I called her and told her what was going on - in between sobs - and asked if we could do it another day. They came over the next day and I didn't tell her about the change of plans - why would I, it "depresses" her. So Friday morning, the day I was supposed to have the retrieval, she calls to see how I'm doing. I tell her I'm fine that plans changed, etc. She didn't say much and we hung up. Back to my point...while we were at dinner last night she tells me that that Friday morning, she has sent a text to all her "praying" friends and family and asked them to pray for me. I couldn't believe it. It was so nice of her to do that - and so out of the ordinary. Sadly, I have to say a lot of the time my mom is pretty selfish. But this shocked me.

Anyway, I just wanted to share the last 36 hours of my life. It's been up and down...and I only see it continuing (or even getting worse) until my next test on Wednesday. *sigh*

5 comments:

Amanda said...

Not trying to upset you, but remember that if you got an HCG injection the other day that a home test will be positive in any case.

And don't let the line darkness of a single test get you down. My test was fairly light actually and I was almost 600 when I took it. With your doctor adding HCG injections your number are going to be hard to interpret so probably best to hope that things are looking good and hopefully you'll get an u/s in a week or so.

My mom is kinda the same way. She would never ask anything or try to be helpful in anyway and then go on and on about how cute my brother's baby is. Oh how it hurt my feelings. At least your mom is being supportive now and that's good.

finding_ac said...

it is so nice when people out of the blue do things that you dont expect for your benefit. i am glad your mother (may) be turning around...and as a fellow negative person(i like to call myself a realist) i am excited about your possibilites...oh and i am shocked you resisted buying a baby item for yourself...i wouldnt have been able to.lol


♥ ac

Kelly said...

Grats on the positive! You will get a positive pregnancy test with the boosters. I did boosters with one of my injectable cycles and tested positive for 6 days after the last one (yet faint).

Did your doctor give you your actual beta number? You can keep track of your own progress with the number and using a beta calculater. they say every 48-72 hrs a beta number doubles.

I am just counting down till the day you get to do a head count! :P

Michelle said...

Congratulations on your BFP!!! I know what a roller coaster and a yoyo it is. Take it one day, no one minute at a time! ((HUGS))

Brenda is SO Blessed said...

saying a prayer for you now