No more rollercoaster - now I'm a yo-yo

Man, I though I didn't like roller coasters...we'll I don't like yo-yo's either. I feel more like a yo-yo the last 36 hours. There isn't a gradual rise to happiness and drop to depression like the 'coaster. It's more of one minute I'm excited and the next I'm scared.

The spotting is still sticking around. It got a lot better yesterday then came back last night. Today it is light again. I'm also a little nervous because I keep having cramping. Sometimes it feels ovarian and sometimes it feel like my ute. I'm hoping it is just ovarian and all those left over follies are going away. The doc did bump up my PIO from 1/2 a cc to 1cc.

Monday night Hubby had me buy a test so I could prove to him that it was positive. It's funny, even thought I knew it would be I was so nervous while we waiting the 3 minutes for it to process. And yes, it was positive - a faint positive.

It's funny how while I was in all my two-week-waits before, I'd make excuses for every little thing being a pregnancy symptom. Now, I'm making excuses for things that could be a symptom not being one. For example:

• Yesterday, all day, I had mega heartburn. That is a definite symptom of early pregnancy. BUT, I also get heartburn when I eat any sort of oats, like granola, oatmeal, etc. Yesterday for breakfast I had a granola bar. I think I took two tums three times yesterday. Usually I can take Tums once and it will go away.
• I have been mega tired. I chalked up this weekend to being exhausted from working so much last week. The last two night's I've been ready for bed by 9-9:30 (usually I go to bed about 11). I'm blaming this on my emotional day Monday and yesterday shopping with my mom for a couple of hours.

One more thing before I get back to work (bad employee!). I told my mom last night. I didn't want to and wasn't planning on it until I had my next test result next week. I've talked about her before and how she has been completely uninterested in my treatments for the last two years. She never asks and when I tell her anything she changes the subject. When I asked her once if she read my blog she said no, because it depresses her. Thanks mom. So you can see my hesitation to tell her...Anyway, last night we went shopping for a friend of mine's baby shower this weekend (Hi R!). The whole hour we spent wandering around the baby aisles I wanted to tell her so bad (I may be a glutton for punishment)! But I didn't. We finished our shopping and went out for dinner. Just as we're starting to eat she asks if I have gotten my test results back yet from my last treatment. I about choked. She has NEVER asked me this before. I couldn't lie. So I told her that I did on Monday but that it was faint and I wanted to wait until next week...blah, blah, blah...

She freaks. She is so happy. She said that she wanted to ask so bad while we were shopping but it was negative she didn't want to upset me while we were in the baby aisle. (very thoughtful of her). She also told me a couple of weeks ago when some family was in from out of town, they went to Ik.ea and she was going through the nursery area looking at furniture.

The thing that shocked me the most though, is while my aunts were here. They were supposed to come over to see my house the day I found out we would be doing IVF. It was a bad emotional day for me so I called her and told her what was going on - in between sobs - and asked if we could do it another day. They came over the next day and I didn't tell her about the change of plans - why would I, it "depresses" her. So Friday morning, the day I was supposed to have the retrieval, she calls to see how I'm doing. I tell her I'm fine that plans changed, etc. She didn't say much and we hung up. Back to my point...while we were at dinner last night she tells me that that Friday morning, she has sent a text to all her "praying" friends and family and asked them to pray for me. I couldn't believe it. It was so nice of her to do that - and so out of the ordinary. Sadly, I have to say a lot of the time my mom is pretty selfish. But this shocked me.

Anyway, I just wanted to share the last 36 hours of my life. It's been up and down...and I only see it continuing (or even getting worse) until my next test on Wednesday. *sigh*

I'm breathing again

Actually, not only am I breathing again...but I'm freaking out because....my test was POSITIVE!!!

Sorry to keep you in suspense all day, but I had to make sure a couple people found out in person instead of reading it on my blog.

Now, don't go getting your hopes up too high. The doctor called it a faint positive. He said the HCG was low, but not low enough to be residual hormones from my HCG injection I got 12 days ago. After I got the call I had to come straight in to their office to get a booster HCG injection. Every three days until next Wednesday I'm to do 2cc's of HCG. I have to wait all the way until next Wednesday to take another test. I think the next 10 days will be more torturous than the last 12. Even if this doesn't work out, at least I know my body isn't completely broken. Just getting a positive is a huge feat!

I've read very little about booster HCG injections, but from what I read the extra HCG tricks your body to make more progesterone which makes a happy home for the little bean. I'm also continuing to take the PIO injections and the doc said he is retesting my progesterone from my blood they took this morning to see if we need to up my dose. Right now I'm only taking 1/2 a cc. I'm done with the baby aspirin since I'm spotting. Hopefully tomorrow the spotting gets better. One of my friends said that she had periods for the first three months with her son. A coworker told me she had a couple of friends to also had periods...I can live with the blood as long as my hormones keep going up.

Thank you all for your good wishes and prayers - please keep 'em coming!

Holding my breath

The spotting I had yesterday is still here. I don't think it has gotten any worse...but it hasn't gotten better either.

I called the doctor's office this morning and talked to the doctor. He just told me to come in for a pregnancy test. I had my blood drawn this morning and I am IMpatiently waiting for my results. The nurse who drew my blood says he typically calls the same day with results. I hope so.

My first reaction when he told me to come in for a test was panic. The test is so final. It is either positive or negative. No gray area. At least with spotting I can teeter on the fence about whether is it my period or not. I'm scared.

I'm scared because this is it no matter what the result. If it's positive then obviously we're done. But if it's negative...we're done for at least a year. We have to not only pay off what we owe to the doctor's office, but we also would need to save for IVF. I'm done messing around with IUI's.

Of course I'll let you know when/if I hear from him today. I have my box of tissues ready...

So confused

Part of me thinks my body is failing me again. But I don't know.

I'm spotting. I don't know how that's possible since I'm still taking the PIO injections, but I am.

I had some mild cramping earlier, but it almost felt like ovarian cramping. I thought maybe it was one of my follies that didn't burst getting bigger or finally bursting. Who knows. All I know is that I noticed the spotting this after noon, and gradually it is getting worse. I'm calling the docs office in the morning to see what's up.

Today is only 10 dpo...too soon for AF, right???

I made it through!

The third week in September is the busiest week for our office each year. We host our annual event for about 270(ish) of our members. It's three days long...and each day is packed full of different events. I did a rough estimate of the hours I've worked since Sunday (yes, I went in to the office over the weekend to wrap stuff up) is about 48 - and it's only Thursday. I am exhausted.

While I was gone I had to continue to give myself my PIO shots. Yes, you read right. I had to give MYSELF my PIO shots. Hubby wasn't there and it had to be done. I spent Sunday night watching some videos on Yo.uTu.be about giving PIO shots. I finally got brave enough to do it (but really, what choice did I have?). The first injection I gave myself on Tuesday was easy. I just woke up, walked into the bathroom prepped and stuck it in. I didn't give myself a second to think about it or get all worked up about it. I think that was the best. It went in almost pain free and didn't really bleed much at all.

The second injection on Wednesday morning was a little worse, but still okay. The needle didn't want to go in so that was a little painful, but I survived. Thankfully, I'm home now, so Hubby can do the injections again, but I'm so proud of myself to conquer (again) my fear of needles.

I do have to say that the shots themselves aren't really that bad (nothing worse than the Menopur or the Fostimon), but man, oh, man, is my muscle sore a few hours later. My feet hurt from standing so much all day at work, but every time I sat down my keester would be sore from the shots. AND, the major sensitivity that I was feeling in my nipples is still there for the most part, but in the last few days my boobs are starting to be sore too. So much in fact that it is VERY uncomfortable to "release the girls" at the end of the day. I'm big chested, so the weight of them being "free" really pulls and hurts. You won't hear one peep of a complaint from me though. I'm hoping that all this pain and suffering up to this point will be worth it. We'll know if that's true in about a week.

I of course am expecting a negative result, but I can't help but hope that I will be blessed with just one little embryo sticking. I had my progesterone tested today. Hopefully the numbers will prove that I did for sure ovulate...what that doctor thinks is SIX eggs.

I'll keep you posted on any updates. I think I'm headed to bed shortly (even thought it's only 6:30pm). I'm absolutely exhausted.

Did my follicles burst?

Not all, but some did.

How many you ask? The doctor estimates that three on each side released an egg. That's right folks, I potentially ovulated SIX eggs!! I'm a little nervous. I never thought I'd hope that not all stuck...but I do. One for sure. Two would be nice, three would freak me out and any more than that, I don't know what I'd do. But, we'll cross that bridge when we get there :0)

I saw the doc this morning for my u/s. After telling me about the 6 eggs, he told me I need to start the PIO shots today. Bummer that I'll be out of town and away from Hubbs this week, so I'll need to plead and beg someone to do them for me. I wish they were just SQ (under the skin) injections, then I could just do them myself. It will be weird packing my suitcase with my clothes, toiletries, AND all the stuff I need for the injections.

I sure hope these next two weeks go by fast!

The waiting game has begun!

I had my second IUI yesterday. It went so well! It might have been the easiest and least uncomfortable one yet. I am so thankful!

Hubby's sperm numbers weren't too bad. The first IUI he had 15 million. He's had better (up to 50 mil), but it wasn't bad. Dr. M was satisfied. Yesterday he had 7 mil, but Dr. M said that's pretty good for the second day. Hopefully just one of those 22 million sperm found one of my eggs.

I was so extremely relieved that the IUI's went so well, because...the bloating I've been experiencing from the HCG shot and ovulating multiple eggs has been the worst it's been in the two years we've been doing treatments. Dr. M told me ahead of time that I might have some discomfort from releasing so many follicles. I don't know exactly why the HCG effects me more with multiples eggs, since I haven't bothered to Google it. It is what it is. Dr. M has been asking me how I've been doing and keeping notes just in case things get out of control

One of the dangers of OHSS (ovarian hyperstimulation syndrome), is blood clots. He told me to start some baby aspirin for a while, and to drink lots of water. I told him yesterday that in the morning I had drank about 40oz of water and not urinated until about 1pm. He made note of it and told me to continue to drink a lot of water. He felt my tummy and said it actually was looking pretty good. Which was a relief because I felt like a whale. He said some women get so bad their belly looks like they are pregnant and they have to have the fluid drained with a needle (yeck!).

Anywho, today I am feeling better, but still bloated. The thought of putting on pants without elastic is not appealing :0) I'm still drinking lots o' water and going to the bathroom more, so that's good.

Now I start my two week wait...hopefully for the last time...The first week should go by fast since I'll be so busy with work, but week two might be torture. We'll see. I'm still indifferent whether or not this cycle will work. I think just the relief of getting to ovulation is a huge weight of my shoulders, that I haven't really gotten a chance to think about the next two weeks. Hubby was saying last night that he is actually getting nervous that this time might work. It's our best chance yet. He said we've been trying to get pregnant for so long, what do we do when it actually happens? Which is true, it will be a shock - but of course a good one!

One down, one to go

All went well today (hooray!). I was SOOO nervous before my appointment. I was completely freaked that Dr. M would have to use the tenaculum again. Thankfully, things went pretty smooth. I even took Tylenol about an hour before in case there was pain, but it was fine. I didn't cramp as much either, but the Tylenol might have helped with that.

Tomorrow I go in again. Then Dr. M wants me to start baby aspirin in a couple days to prevent any clots that could form. He said with releasing multiple eggs I run the risk of hyper stimulated ovaries, and with that comes the possibility of clots - hence the aspirin.

Well, that's about all folks. Thanks again for all your support!!!

My head is spinning!!

First let me say thank you to all who commented! I really appreciate your comments and feedback!!

Okay...so this morning I had ANOTHER u/s (and blood draw). Again, the doc spent time measuring every follie on both ovaries. I probably had about 10-15 measurable follies on each. After the u/s we reviewed what was going on and what had/hadn't changed since yesterday. After using some formula to calculate it, he figured I will ovulate between 4-5 eggs. That being the case, he said the number is low enough for me to do IUI (our orignal plan), if I want. Or can can choose to go with IVF. The additional cost of IVF would be $3k. The odds of IVF will be better (about 51%). Or I can go with IUI. It is significantly cheaper, it was our original plan, and since there are multiple eggs being released the odds of pregnancy are higher than when I ovulate one. Normally it is around 20% for one follie (I think).

He said his formula he used is not exact, so I could release more or less. But, after factoring in the cost - and the fact that we are not financially prepared to drop an additional $3k on this cycle, I opted for the IUI. Besides, I now have a higher chance of multiples...which is a risk, but would be such a blessing to never EVER have to do this crap again.

I really wanted to consult with Hubby before making the decision, but since he wasn't there, I made the choice. Turns out it was the best, because Hubby was happy with it too.

So to increase our odds, I will have two IUI's. One tomorrow and one Friday. I got my HCG trigger this morning and Dr. M says it takes about 40 hours after the shot to ovulate. That will put some swimmer up there before and after I O, which sounds good to me.

At this point I'm not optimistic, but not pessemistic either. I'm kind of numb. All the drama that has gone on this week with all my appointments, blood draws, my road trip to P-town (which, btw, we only used 1 - that's right ONE dose of those meds) has just left my mind spinning.

Regarding the unused drugs, I do have options. If this cycle works, I can sell my drugs back to Dr. M for half price. I feel pretty good about this, because I've had the opportunity to buy some one else's leftovers before. Plus, I think if I do get pregnant, I will have no problem losing the $500. On the other hand though, if this cycle fails, I'll have all these drugs to use for another cycle. I haven't talked to Hubs yet, but my thinking is if this cycle fails, we need to take a break, save up and just go for the IVF and quit wasting our time with IUI's.

Anywho, that's where I am with this cycle. Thanks again for all your comments and thanks for following along. It has been quite a crazy week.

P.S. all of this has worked out so I'll be able to be out of town next week for work! Yay for lots and lots of overtime!!! (and no, that did not factor into my decision to do IUI's instead of IVF :0))

little update

I had my ultrasound today. Lots o' follies are growing. No lie, there were probably 10 on each side that measured from 7-19mm. Because there are so many Dr. M cut my dosages back and he informed me....*drum roll, please*...I'll be doing IVF this cycle!!!

I was very excited at first. According to the doc's Web site I have about a 51% chance of a positive. Then reality of the extra money sank in, along with the other 49% that results in a negative. I also am fighting the urge to not get stressed about work. This week and next are possibly the busiest two weeks of the year for work. We have a huge annual event next week. I am supposed to be gone Mon-Thu at this event.

As of right now, the plan is for me to have my HCG injection tomorrow night and do the egg retrieval on Friday morning. Friday sucks. That is the ultimate busy day of wrapping up stuff and packing to leave on Monday for this event. Sounds like I won't really be involved since I'll be sedated for the retrieval that morning. They say to "take it easy" the rest of the day, so I'll have to see what that means. Can I go to work if I sit most of the time? We'll see.

Also, the transfer back would be 5 days after the retrieval...Wednesday. That is the middle of when I'd be gone. I will find out for sure tomorrow morning when I go in for another u/s and then I'll have the dreaded talk with my boss.

My boss has been so fantastic during this whole thing. She allows me the flexibility of coming and going when I need to and making up the time when I can. I just feel really bad missing out this week so much and possibly missing out on the whole event. I know the world will still spin if I don't go and they will work it out with another staff member, but still...Besides, the overtime pay is nice!

Anyway, I just thought I'd share. I'll let you know if anything changes after my appointment tomorrow.

Also, if anyone has any experience with IVF, please share. The retrieval really freaks me out.

And the story continues

I think I left you on Saturday night with my terrible, horrible, no good, very bad, day.

Not much has changed, but some. On Sunday I went in for my daily estradiol draw. I told the nurse I needed to talk to the doc before I left, because I only had enough drugs left for Sunday and Monday morning.

I waited...for 45 minutes in his office, waiting for him to come in. Eventually he did. I explained to him that this was a very big financial burden for us to plop down $1,200 for drugs. I asked him if he was confident that we could get to ovulation. He had mentioned on Saturday how if I'm over stimulated it could lead to an IVF cycle or it could be canceled. I was worried about the cancellation part. He said we should proceed and canceling was just a possibility, but not likely. He spent some good quality time going through my chart to make sure we are doing what we should and we didn't skip a step. He pretty much determined that I most likely have endometriosis judging from my treatments and lack of pregnancies. I knew this could be a possibility, he mentioned it before. I do have a tilted uterus, which is a sign of endo. I have to say, it was very nice to have some quality time going through everything step by step instead of rushing out of there so he could get to his next patient.

The game plan slightly changed from calling in the order for gonal-f from Massachusetts. If it were overnighted I would not get it until Tuesday afternoon. No good, since I didn't have anymore drugs. The alternative...driving 100+ miles to Portland OR to get more Menopur and Follistim. This afternoon Hubs and I drove down, swiped our credit card for $1,300 and drove our broke asses home.

Doc called about 8pm tonight and said my estradiol has shot up again today, so I'm taking tonight off from the Menopur (my hiney is happy!), but tomorrow I start the Follistim. It is in this nifty little pen and the pen has a case and everything. It's very weird to go through all the trouble of loading the pen with the special ampule and needles, etc. I don't know why they do it that way. Why not just use the little diabetic needles? At least this one is injected in my tummy, so Hubby only has to shoot me up once a day. He is very happy about that (and so is my butt).

Anyway, I go in tomorrow for ANOTHER blood draw and later that day for an ultrasound. I am so thankful my office is only about 10-15 mins away from their office and my boss is so flexible with me. It is such a blessing!

To be continued...

The end is near

Whether is be a positive pregnancy test...or even a negative one. This cycle is our last. At least for a year or more.Emotionally I can't handle much more, and definitely financially, we're at our breaking point.

I had my ultrasound appointment today and all was quiet. Not much had changed since my last u/s on Wednesday. I was very disappointed. Friday night I had gotten a call from Dr. M that my estradiol was still not very high so he upped my Fostimon to 3 ampules for Friday night and three in the morning.

When I met with Dr. M after my u/s he thought we'd see what my test results from my estradiol blood draw and then determine how many ampules we'd do. I told him I only have 6 left. His first thought was to have me go to Bell.evue (a good hour drive from me) to pick some Gonal-F up from a pharmacy. He said they were the fastest, but not the cheapest. I asked him if he had any in his extra supply box? He looked and brought back some Menopur (which I wrote a check for $60). He then decided I would take two ampules of Menopur tonight, 3 Fostimon in the morning, and I was supposed to call a mail-order pharmacy today to overnight some Gonal-F. It was the cheapest place to get it from. By cheap he meant $358 per box vs. $500 per box from the Bell.evue place. I still about crapped my pants because I need three boxes. He wrote me a prescription and gave me the phone number and sent me on my way.

As I was walking out of his office my chin was quivering...I was completely stressed and overwhelmed. I made it to the parking lot before the tears welled up and by the time I got in my car I was all-out bawling. I called my husband sobbing and trying to figure out what to do. This cycle with the $600 Fostimon was a stretch for us, but now with the huge bill for the Gonal-F??? This is a tough decision. My biggest hang up is that the doctor said again that he didn't want to over stimulate me, because we could be forced to cancel the cycle. I didn't think of it at the time, but I thought if I was over stimulated then I would just to to an IVF cycle. Hmm...

After sobbing to Hubby and deciding we would go ahead and break out another credit card I called the pharmacy. Well, apparently the prescription needs to be called in or faxed from the doctor's office. I couldn't just call it in (duh) or fax it myself. I was in tears again. I paged Dr. M, he called and I told him what happened. Since I have to go back to his office tomorrow for more blood, he said we can just take care of it tomorrow *sigh*

After some other errands I went to a friend's wedding. I had to leave shortly after the reception started because I had an extremely pounding headache and that was making me nauseous.

Now that I have had some time to think about spending so much dough on these drugs I've decided before we call in that prescription tomorrow I am going to talk to the doc about the odds of canceling this cycle. I'm going to let him know that this is our last shot for a while. If he isn't confident that we will at least be able to get to ovulation then I don't want to buy that stuff.

Part of me is almost relieved that this is almost over - pregnancy or no. My stomach looks like a rainbow from all the bruises from the Lupron. My rear is in pretty good shape, but even tonight as Hubby was trying to push in the needle it wouldn't pierce the skin. He had to jab it in - hard. There was a popping noise when it finally got through the skin. Ya...ouch...

So I'm done. I quit. I've already thought about calling my regular doctor when my period starts to ask for a year supply of birth control - not that we have to guard against pregnancy - ha! I just need to be "normal" again. I need some hormonal stability for a while. I need my mustache and beard and all the other lovely PCOS crap to go away for a while. I want me back.

The Human Pincushion

Yep, that's me.

I've continued to do two Lupron injections and two Fostimon injections since last Wednesday. I went in Saturday, Monday and Tuesday to have serum estradiol tests done. If I remember correctly Saturday's number was 194, Monday's was in the 300's. Tuesday's for some reason dropped was low to about 120 something. The doc called me last night with the results. He decided to bump up my Fostimon dose. I went from one ampule twice a day to two ampules twice a day.

After work today I had an ultrasound done. I'm guessing, but I think I have about 5 or so follies on each side. I couldn't quite get a good look. The biggest one is on the right and it only at 10mm. Dr. M decided to continue to keep me at that double dosage until at least Saturday. I'm to go in tomorrow and Friday morning to have another estradiol test done, then I have another u/s done on Saturday.

Dr. M explained that he wants to keep a close eye on me since I have so many follies started he wants to make sure I don't grow too fast. The Lupron is to help stimulate growth, but most importantly, it is supposed to prevent an early ovulation. He said with so many follies secreting the estradiol hormone the pituitary gland could decide to give me my LH surge too early. That is what I gathered from what I read online, but it was good to hear it from the doctor's mouth.

Well, I think that's all for now. Other than a black and blue hiney and tummy I think I'm feeling pretty good. Still no hot flashes (knock on wood). I'm getting a little bit of a upset stomach still, but it hasn't been as bad as it was last weekend.

I just counted...as of right now I've been poked with 28 needles since last Wednesday. Two more tonight, four shots and a blood draw tomorrow, repeat Friday and two more shots before my u/s appointment. Whew! Hubby and I are turning into a professional needle workers!

Weekend wrap-up

Side effects have kicked in. Actually, I really shouldn't complain, it seems to just be one - a very, very upset stomach.

It started Friday night and was pretty bad. Saturday during the day I felt okay, but later around 5-6pm my tummy started hurting again. Sunday I felt good all day, but slept horrible that night and I lost count how many times I got up to go to the bathroom. My stomach hurt so bad. It was actually my stomach and not my intestines. For most of the day today my stomach has been a little upset, and now that it is getting to bed time it's getting worse.

I think (for the third time this weekend) I'm going to take a sleep aid and hopefully I can be well rested for work tomorrow. I am just really thankful that I don't have the hot flashes that seem to be notorious with the Lupron.

The injections themselves have been going pretty good. The one in my tummy tonight hurt like hell and I had to try three different spots before I could get the needle in. I wonder if that needle was dull for some reason. My tushy shots have been way better than last time. Last time it seemed all of them were injected right into a nerve or something.

I had my blood drawn Saturday, and this morning. I go in tomorrow for more blood then Wednesday for an u/s. So far, I don't really feel a whole lot of stuff going on in my ovary area (usually I can feel stuff going on). But I have been wrong before, so I'm not too concerned about it.

Well, I'm off to pop some sleep aids and hit the sack. I hope you all had a great weekend!

How did I get here?

I've made it through 6 injections so far. Four in my tummy and two in the hiney. The tummy ones actually aren't so bad. I've decided it's easier to take the slow method of injecting myself. I can't do it like it's a dart. I just bring the needle down and touch my tummy then just keep pushing until it's in. Then slowly inject. When I'm done I do have to pull out quick otherwise it's a little uncomfortable. Until the one I just did a few minutes ago, I haven't really bled at all afterwards. This one I did a little and needed a band-aid, but really it hasn't been bad at all. Even the two Fostimon injections today weren't too bad. Hopefully these next week goes by fast.

Tomorrow, Monday and Tuesday I have to go in and have blood drawn. Next Wednesday I'll have an u/s to see how things are going. **grow little follies, grow!**

As I leave you on this lovely Friday evening, I thought I'd share my bounty of drugs and needles. Without any further adieu...


From left: 21 gauge needles, a Ga.torade "sharps" container, 3 Rx bottles of filter needles, 2 10pks of diabetic needles, band-aids, alcohol wipes, and three boxes of Fostimon. The little vial in the front and center is the Lupron.

Oh, and I know it's early, but so far no side effects *knock on wood!* We'll see this weekend if the hot flashes set in.

Enjoy the holiday weekend!

I can't concentrate

All day, all I have been doing is Googling this and Googling that. Sometimes I'll just sit and stare out the window. All I'm thinking about is the injections...and the fact that I didn't read the instructions right. Not three injections I'll be getting each day, but four. Yep, that's right folks, two Lupron and two Fostimon.

I could hardly sleep last night thinking of injecting myself this morning. I had a really hard time falling asleep and then I woke up at 2:30am and couldn't fall back to sleep until almost 4.

I have a feeling that the anticipation of 4 injections tomorrow and for the next 8 days is really going to compromise my sleep tonight.

*sigh*

I guess he's not an idiot

I called the doctor's office first thing this morning and asked about my "sodium chloride". The nurse said it does have lupron it it. He mixed it in that vial, since it had to be diluted.

Ah ha! Makes sense. He did say something about dosing it for me or something like that.

Better to be paranoid than to waste my time injecting myself with dilutant.

I did just give MYSELF my first injection (about 5 minutes ago). I think my hands are still shaking. I wasn't at all nervous as I swabbed my belly and the vial with alcohol, or as I measured it out in the syringe, it wasn't until I had it ready to inject that I froze. I mean...it was like there was a forcefield stopping my hand from stabbing my gut with the needle. I started sweating and shaking and even tearing up. I prayed and prayed (in my work's handicap stall) "please Lord, help me do this, please Lord, help me do this, please Lord, help me do this" After another few moments I finally did it. After I got the needle in I was like "oh crap, now I have to push the plunger" Anyway, I did it. I'm so proud of myself. I'm sure by the end of this I'll be a pro.

Speechless

I am speechless. What an evening.

I had my u/s appointment today - good news - no cyst!

While I'm on the table with my feet in the stirrups the doc decides he'd like to measure the length and width of my uterus. He proceeds to clean my cervix, stab me with something and then I feel some kind of little wand poking the top of my uterus from the inside - ouch! He asked how I was doing, I said it was better than the tenaculum he used last time.

To top it all off, this was being done on the second day of my period...which is the worst (read: heaviest) day for me. Ew.

He gets done, I get dressed and I meet him in his office.

He tells me that my uterus looks great and would make a great home for an embryo. Thanks doc.

Then he asks me if I have ever given myself a subcutaneous (just under the skin) injection before. I say no.

Then he says. Well, we're going to start lupron (as he places a vial on his desk). He pulls out a needle and said we'll do a practice shot with water. He comes and sits next to my, has me lean back in my chair, pull up my shirt a little and then like a dart, he pokes me with 2ccs of saline. THANKFULLY, it didn't hurt one bit.

He leaves to get the lupron and comes back with a vial. While he's writing up my protocol he says I can go out to the nurse and have her draw some blood. I'm assuming it's for some baseline tests, but I don't know. I go back to his office when I'm done and he has my list prepared. Lupron (in my tummy) in the morning and Lupron (in my tummy) and Fostimon (in my rear) in the evening. I go in for a blood test on Saturday and Monday (yipee on my holiday weekend - so much for sleeping in, I have to be there early).

I'm getting ready to leave and I look at the vial, it says "sodium chloride" - I say "and this is the lupron???" He says "yes".

I get home and Google sodium chloride and just as I thought...it's salt water. Excellent.

Now I get to bring my needle and alcohol wipe with me to work. Call their office first thing, go pick up the RIGHT meds and inject myself.

I never thought I'd give myself a shot. This is the single reason I'm scared to not get diabetes. I.HATE.NEEDLES.

Extra bonus for me - he said when I'm done with these I'll start progesterone injections. I've heard about these suckers...they're not fun.

Lastly, he says that this IUI cycle switching to an IVF cycle is very possible...we'll see!

What a night. I got to their office about 5:15, was called back at 6:45, left their office at 7:25, drove to the pharmacy, waited 20 mins for the needles, and was home about 8:20. Sigh.

After scarfing some food, I'm ready for bed.

Tomorrow is the day

Cross you fingers that my cyst is gone! Tomorrow evening I go in for my cd2 u/s appointment. If the cyst is gone I will start injections on Thursday.

I NEVER thought I'd be excited about needles...well, I'm still not, but it's the the excitment of getting this show back on the road.

How cool is it that cd1 starts on the first day of the month? Very convenient.

Hubby's still sick, but he'll have to suck it up for Thursday so he can poke (or more like stab) me in the arse! :0)