We've Moved!

Well, not physically yet, that is a post for another day!

BUT, we have moved blogs. I've decided this blog has been dedicated to my journey to mommyhood while enduring fertility treatments because of PCOS. I think my widdle girls deserve their own blog now.

I would love it if you'd follow me over to our new location!

It is: http://mitandbur.blogspot.com/

See you there!

Okay...okay...

Thank you all for the comments. I really had no idea I still had so many people reading this. I know I have followers...but still...

Anyway, I think I'm going to change my mind about blogging. I think I'll stick with it. Since deciding last week that I didn't want to blog anymore, I've though of at least three things I've wanted to post like how the girls are sleeping terrible and so are we. And how Katie rolled over three times yesterday. And they tried cereal. And they are getting their pictures taken tomorrow. And, and, and...

I guess I'd still like a place to vent and share. I guess I'll stick around. And I guess I don't need to feel any pressure to post all the time. When I get to it, I get to it, right? :0) AND...I guess I'll just be careful about what personal information I put on here.

Can you tell I'm a little loopy today? I probably only get to bed for about 6 hours a night lately and it's VERY interrupted. I get up and go in the nursery to deal with one of the girls at least5-10 times a night. Sigh.

The end.

I've been thinking for a while to stop blogging. I just don't have the time. My reason for starting this blog to begin with was to have a place to vent and share my infertility experience. Now that my little girls are here I don't really have the time, and usually not the energy to keep up. I've only been posting a couple of times a month lately anyway. And that's not even so bad, but I feel obligated to post. Like I need to keep everyone updated...well...I don't feel like it anymore.

And to top it off, one of the blogs I read posted a link to Raising Colorado's site...who experienced something very disturbing this week. After reading this, it basically sealed the deal for me. I'm done.

I'll leave this site up for about a week or so to give my "readers" (if I really have any left) a chance to read this...then it's coming down.

I really appreciate the comments, advice, and experience some of you have shared with me over the couple of years I've had this blog. It really helped me through my journey of infertility to pregnancy to now motherhood. This particular journey has come to an end.

Ciao!

4 month check-up

This post is a little overdue. Their appointment was last Friday, but I haven't had a chance to really sit down and write out a post until now.

The girls are doing great. Both have gained a pound and they are only a 1/2" apart in length. Katie weighs 12.5lbs and has dropped to the 22nd percentile and Natalie weighs 11.5, in the 8th percentile.

Even though they both have dropped in their percentiles the doc wasn't concerned since they are still gaining weight and doing what they are supposed to developmentally.

Both girls were super cranky since the appointment landed during their nap time. Most of the appointment at least one of them were crying. And at one point both of them fell asleep. the outfits I had them in were too hot, so thankfully I had some onesies in the diaper bag and just put them on to go home.

They both slept pretty good that afternoon and evening, but felt really warm. No fevers, just warm to the touch. Saturday they both were pretty cranky too. I had given them a dose of T.ylenol before the appointment and followed up with I believe two doses that night just to make sure they didn't wake up too sore, like after their 2 month appointment.

I had asked about starting some cereal, especially for K, since she seems to be hungry every 3-4 hours - day and night. The doc suggested waiting until at least 5 months and to make sure she can sit up okay on her own first to help with digestion. Right now Katie does pretty good in the Bum.bo chair on her own, but no where close to sitting up by herself. We'll see how the next few weeks go. I may just try it to see how it goes.

I need your help re: swaddling!

Dear Readers,

When do you stop swaddling? How do you stop?

Both my girls are being swaddled still. I believe it still helps them go to sleep...however...

Natalie continuously sneaks her right arm out, knocks out her pacifier wakes up gnawing on her hand a few times a night. This sometimes wakes up Kaitlyn.

Kaitlyn wiggles a lot. She comes unwrapped a lot. As soon and I re-wrap her and stick the pacifier back in her mouth she's usually out like a light...but she comes unwrapped literally about 5-8 times a night. She sometimes wakes Natalie up. Plus she is still only sleeping 3-4 hours at a time between feedings...

This week has been hell-week for sleep in our house. I think even the dogs are suffering. The girls have been especially bad with their swaddling escape tactics. Tonight Katie has been fighting me bad! She's come unwrapped already about 4 times in the last hour. Twice I've gone in to check on her (as she's screaming/crying) to find her up on her side still partially wrapped. This makes me nervous in case she rolls over on to her belly without the use of her arms. I obviously don't want her to suffocate.

I just don't know what to do. Do I bother getting bigger blankets or finding other ways to keep them wrapped up? Or is it time to wean them from this? If so, how?

I'd love to hear your stories/theories/experience with swaddling and how to get over it.

Please help.

Sincerely,

One tired mommy

!!Formula Recall!!

Please check your cans! All of K's soy formula was part of the recall.

http://www.komonews.com/news/consumer/103552019.html

The aftermath

Actually...it went better than I thought!

Katie fussed, whined and cried off and on for about 50 minutes. I had picked her up twice when she was getting really worked up, but as soon as she calmed back down and was drowsy again I put her down. She eventually gave up and fell asleep. I checked on her after she'd been quiet for about 5 minutes and saw she was out and the pacifier was out of her mouth. I knew she'd wake up and want it back soon. Sure enough about 10 minutes later she did. I put it back in her mouth and she was out for hours. I think it was about 8:30 when she finally fell asleep and didn't wake up until about 12:30 to eat.

I was a little worried that her night feedings would be tough too. She typically can wake up eat and be back to bed in 20 minutes at night. Last night was no different. I am so glad! She did so amazingly well!

Tonight was a breeze too. She was tired and crabby so I put her jammies on, wrapped her, stuck in the pacifier and rocked her for a little bit. She was pretty squirmy, which I've learned means she just super tired and ready for bed, so I laid her down. She hardly squirmed at all and didn't make a peep - which was good because Natalie was already in bed.

It's now been about 20 minutes and I still haven't heard a sound come out of their room. Wow, could this be so easy? (knock on wood!)

Now if I could only get her to sleep past 6am every morning, me and her daddy would be very appreciative!

Naps are still super hard with her. She gets a few 30-45 minute naps then sometimes a good 2 hour nap, but I feel like I fight her all day. I guess if I had to pick I'd rather fight her for naps then bedtime! :0)

The battle has begun!

Tonight, for the first time, I'm making Kaitlyn sleep in her crib. Until tonight she's been sleeping in the cradle in our room...or if she doesn't sleep well I've grabbed her and put her to bed with me. Tsk, tsk, I know...

Natalie has pretty much been sleeping in her crib for a few months now. She is such a good little sleeper. Most nights she sleeps for about 12 hours straight. Sometimes Hubby gets up with her and gives her a bottle, but usually the pacifier and re-wrapping does the trick. He earned it though. When she was just a wee lil' thing, he got up with her countless times a night and soothed her back to sleep. I, on the other hand, slept with Katie...call me lazy, but I was just exhausted.

I have, however, gotten to the point with Katie that I can lay her down awake but drowsy. She'll usually fall asleep withing a minute or two on her own. Well tonight, she was almost asleep, I laid her in her crib and - bing! - her eyes shot wide open. She's a smart cookie for recognizing that wasn't her normal sleeping place. Our room is really dark. We have an a/c unit running on fan for the noise. The nursery isn't completely dark until the sun goes down and it's quiet. I did turn on the heartbeat music after a while for her so she'd have some noise. It took about 50 minutes of whining, some crying and me putting the pacifier in her mouth. I did pick her up twice. I held her until she stopped crying, then laid her back down. She's been quiet back there for about 15 minutes now. Oh, I did also put a "lovey" next her her head that I've been sleeping with for a few days in anticipation of her sleeping alone. I think it helped. She's asleep with her head turned toward it.

I wonder how the rest of the night will go. Will she wake up sporadically crying? Will she sleep for hours? Will she go right back to sleep after her night feeding like she normally does? I purposefully chose a Friday night to start this, because I'm anticipating getting less sleep than I normally do, but I'm hoping it won't take too long to pay off. It'll be nice to have our room back. To be able to talk above a whisper in there after 7pm and to read in bed again with my lamp on. Ahh...

Wish us luck, as I'm sure we will all suffer this next few days...hopefully not weeks. Poor Natalie will need to get used to her noisy sister sleeping in the same room as her. I feel for the kid...

Let me know if you have any tips or tricks to transitioning your baby from cradle to crib. I'm flying by the seat of my pants here! :0)

First sister moment

My mom was over tonight and we were each holding a girl. I sat Kaitlyn on the couch so I could get her blanket ready to swaddle her. My mom brought Natalie over and sat her in front of Katie. They both were just staring at each other then they were smiling at each other. It was the cutest thing I've ever seen. I think they may have realized their sisters, if only for a moment. So sweet!

They are 16 weeks now! Their 4 month appointment is next Friday.

Here is a recent picture of Katie.

Here is a picture of Natalie.

I got a little video clip of Katie in her crib the other day while she was watching the mobile. This is a very tame example of her new found voice. This girl likes to squeal/scream! I know I shouldn't encourage it, but I love to listen to her. You can click here to see it.

What a difference a year makes!

Last year, on Monday of the holiday weekend, I posted this. Of course I hoped that a year later I'd have a baby...but any of you who have struggled with infertility know, to hope it one thing, but reality is a whole different story. And the reality for me turned out to be two beautiful little girls!

The reminiscing I've done tonight makes me wonder where my life will be in a year from now. I'm sure it will be nothing like I can imagine.

I can't wait!

Slacker!

Sorry I haven't posted in a while. Life has been a bit busy!

The girls are 13 weeks old today. We've passed the 3 month mark! I do think things are starting to get a little easier. They are both "talking" more. Katie seems to get happier and happier everyday. She still can get grumpy quick, but I'm learning how to read her and the best way to handle her.

I really have to recommend Secrets of the Baby Whisperer by Tracy Hogg to every parent. I'm not even done with it and I have gleaned so many lessons from it. I got it from the library because a friend of mine recommended it (hi Mel!) to start with for sleep habits. I tell ya, it is just a good overall book of learning how babies operate. I've extended my time with the library on it already and I'm trying to get Hubby to read it to (wish me luck!).

For example: I used to think that K hated having her clothes or diaper changed because she cried every time we did it. Well, I learned (from taking a quiz in the book) that she is a touchy baby and she is a little sensitive and that we need to go slower with her and talk her though the process of what we're doing. Since I started doing that she's been a thousand times better! In fact now changing her is my favorite time with her. She is super smiley and talkative when she's laying on the changing table. It's amazing.

Natalie is doing great too. She's growing like a weed. I bet at their next appointment she will be the same if not even heavier than her sister. She really is the happiest baby ever. She smiles all.the.time! I love cuddling with her.

I don't remember the last time I updated you guys on my work situation. I think that was when I was talking about quitting to stay home full-time. Well...long story short, it just doesn't make sense for me to completely quit my job with Hubby not working until the evening and only getting 20hrs or less a week. Instead, I've cut down to 30 hours a week and I'm working from 7am-1pm with no lunch. I'm home by about 1:20 and can help get the girls down for a nap. It seems like since I've had this schedule (about 2 weeks), the girls have been sleeping better at night. Nap time really makes a difference. If they are overtired at bedtime, it is a bear to get them to sleep.

For a while now Natalie has been a good sleeper. I'd say since about 6-8 weeks old. Of course she has her bad nights occasionally, but most of the time she sleeps for 5+ hours at night. Katie on the other hand has pretty consistently been getting up every 3-4 hours until last week. Last week she had a couple of nights of sleeping for 6 hours straight! I was in heaven! Last night she was in bed and out for the night by 8pm. I didn't get up with her until 3am. I fed her and got her back to bed in about 20 mins. She didn't get up again until almost 7am. I hope this becomes more and more of a habit with her. I can dig it!

I guess that's about it. No big changes are going on around here. Both girls are wearing mostly 6m clothes. A few things are 3-6 months or 6-9 months.

Oh and one last thing. I'm back on the pill. I originally wasn't going to go on any birth control, since I TRIED for 4 years to get pregnant and it didn't happen. BUT, I need the hormones. I've been pretty crazy the last couple of months and I finally went to my GP to see if I can get balanced. I started back on Yasmin yesterday. I'm crossing my fingers this helps me out. I'm tired of being a roller coaster. When I met with the doc I cried the whole appointment. I told him about the other stuff going on in my life at the moment and he recommended anti-depressants. I declined because I'd like to see how the b/c works for me first. Plus, soon all this other crap should be behind us so a lot of the stress will be gone then too.

Okay, that's really it now. I'll try to check in sooner next time! :0)

3 months old!!!

Dragging

I started back to work full-time last week. It’s been rough on everyone. I of course have to get up earlier now, and can’t seem to get to bed too early so I’m tired. Hubby is with the girls all day while I’m at work and is tired when I get home, but usually he has to leave to go to work himself. The girls are not napping very well for Hubby during the day so they are cranky and tired when I get home.

The last few days I’ve gotten them to bed when I got home, but they usually are then out for the night...kind of. Katie has been waking up between 3-4am and wanting to be up. I keep the lights off and don’t talk to her so she won’t be stimulated, but I’ve been ending up putting her in bed with me so I can at least sleep until 6am. It seems to work, but it’s not quality sleep for me at all.

I’m not quite sure what to do about naptime. I know Hubby tries, but I don’t think he a)has the patience and b) commits the time to put them down during the day. They’ll nape for 20 minutes here and there but that’s about it. It’s tough coming home to crabby girls and I feel bad for them too for being so tired.

Things in the job department are changing a little for now. Ultimately I’d like to be home full-time, but until Hubby finds a day job it just doesn’t make sense for me to quit my job entirely. In the meantime I’ve talked with my boss about working part-time. She is meeting with our senior staff on Monday to discuss the opportunity. She seemed confident that something could be worked out. I’m hopeful that we can make that transition soon. I don’t think I can handle this much longer. I’m actually contemplating going to my parent’s house this evening to see if they could watch the girls for an hour or so I could snooze in their guest room. We’ll see if I’m up for packing up the girls when I get home. Hubby is leaving for work shortly after.

Other than the never ending sleep issues the girls are doing really well. Katie finally caught the smile train. Natalie has been smiling up a storm for weeks, but not Katie. Just in the last week or so she’s really seemed to smile. They both kind of make these squealing noises like they want to laugh but just can’t do it. It’s super cute. They are talkers too. Natalie will sit and talk to herself forever, it’s funny. Katie talks too, but she also mouths a lot of stuff and no sound comes out. She tries so hard - lol

I guess that’s about it. Not too much is going on these days. We had a garage sale last weekend to try to get rid of stuff, but with the heat wave we’ve had there weren’t a whole lot of people out. We are doing a Saturday sale again this weekend to hopefully get rid of some more. Whatever is left is going to Goo.dwill. We have about 2 ½ months left until we move so I’m trying to pack and organize what I can now since I know it takes me 10 times longer to get anything done with the girls here!

How to solve infertility angst

I subscribe to a blog called Happily Ever After. It gives mostly marriage improvement advice, but there are other topics. Her posts are emailed to me and today's was about infertility. I thought it was interesting and wanted to share. You can read her post here.

Ch-ch-ch-ch-ch-changes!

I'm mostly excited and a little scared that we've decided I get to be a stay-at-home-mommy!

It isn't happening immediately, but soon, very soon.

I had kind of an "aha!" moment a few days ago (during a 3am feeding). I've been really stressed this year and asking God "Why?" about his timing for Hubby's three surgeries and my twin pregnancy and now with the girls here - it just seemed crazy for it to all happen at the same time. We'll, I think I may have figured it out.

As I've shared before, this year has been the hardest EVER. Hubby hasn't been able to work since before Christmas due to illness then 3 back to back to back surgeries. Because of that we are losing our house and having to file bankruptcy. Totally not cool things. Well, it seems though, this is all working out to benefit us.

We are moving at the end of October out to my parent's property. They are converting a two-story garage to an apartment for us to live in. The rent will be cheap. Because of the bankruptcy we will only have rent and a couple of other monthly bills, so our monthly living expenses will be minimal. Hubby has a part-time job now and he's just getting back into the swing of things. We are hoping by the end of the month he'll be able to gain some more hours and then I can put in my notice at work. I am very much looking forward to being able to be there for my girls everyday. I can't wait for all of the things we can do together.

Yes, until Hubbs can find another job - a full-time job, things will be tight, but hey, over the last 6 months, we've been living pretty tight, so I'm getting used to it.

Isn't it amazing how you can be thrown in a horrible situation, one that seems so dark and terrible at the time and as you pull through it you can see the good that has come out of it? I would have never thought two months ago...or even one month ago, that I would be thankful for what this year has brought (I mean financially). If Hubby wouldn't have gotten sick and needed surgery he would have still been working and we would still be making our house payments and making minimum payments on credit cards for the rest of our lives. Not that I'm advocating everyone files for bankruptcy, but it is really a blessing for us that we can dig out of this monstrous hole we've been in. We get a fresh start.

I am so thankful!

Date night

Hubby and I were able to have a date night last Friday. It was fabulous! MIL had her sister in town for the weekend and they offered to take the girls for the day. I got off work early that day and used some of the free time to get some packing done around the house. My mom came over too and we organized some storage items and also garage sale items. We got a lot done.

Later that day Hubby and I went to see Inc.eption. It was actually a pretty good movie I thought. I had no idea what it was about when we went to see it, but I had heard from a lot of people that it was really good. It's definitely one of those movies you have to pay close attention to to keep up.

After dinner we went to Ou.tback, or as Hubby likes to call it Outhouse. It wasn't that great. I've only been there a few times and I'm so not impressed. Date night was a treat from MIL and her sister too. Plus we had a gift certificate from Dr. M's office for dinner, so it was a free date. Pretty awesome! We picked the girls up about 10pm that night.

It was such a nice day, and the girls slept so well that night. Grandma and her sister had taken the girls on a few walks. I think all the fresh air wore them out. We liked it.

2 month appointment

The poor little girls had their two month appointment today. It went pretty well. They got weighed and measured. K came in at 11.5lbs and 22.5" (although I question the accuracy of the length measurement). N came in at 10.5lbs and 23". I have a hard time believing that N is longer than K, since her little toes come to the end of clothes that N can still fit in to...unless the weight makes that much of a difference.

We talked about the reflux meds. K is actually off of them now. About 4-5 days ago I had forgotten to give her her meds for a day or two. When I realized I'd forgotten I kept an eye on her. She didn't seem to care at all. I haven't given her any more since. Same went for N, although she was still showing signs of discomfort, so we continue to give it to her. The doc said they could go off of it anytime. I think we'll give N another week or so and see if she does better. I'm glad K is done. It's so hard to remember to give it to her...well both of them every 12 hours. At least with just one kid we can remember the time better.

We also talked about N and her scaly skin. Dr. J suggested trying some lotion on her, especially behind one of her ears where is is particularly crusty. If the lotion doesn't work after a week we can try some hydro cortisone cream for a few days.

I brought up K and her "high maintenance" ways. It was fairly obvious at the appointment though that she is the "needier" child. She was squirming all over the place and crying off and on. We played the darned pacifier game the whole time. Have I mentioned I have a love/hate relationship with those stinkin things? K especially loves to spit it out and cry until I put it back in over and over again. I'm trying not to give in, which brings me to my next topic.

Crying it out. I hate to hear my babies cry. N is especially heartbreaking since she only really cries when she needs something and it is such a sad little cry. She however is not the reason we talked about crying. K can drive Hubby and I up a wall. Like I've said before, she'll fall asleep in our arms and we go to put her to bed and she wakes up crying. We asked the doc if they were too young to let cry for a while. He didn't think so. Of course it's up to us on how we want to handle it, but he suggested if of course she'd fed, changed, etc. that it's okay to let her go for about 10 minutes then go in and check on her and rub her belly or something to let her know we're there then to let her be again. I feel so much better hearing him say that. We've been doing that with her more and more lately. She is just so inconsolable unless your holding her. I have to break that habit. I've been doing better not picking her up. I'll go in after a while and make sure she's still wrapped tight and put the pacifier back in (yes, I play the game I hate), then I'll leave. She usually battles for hours, but according to the doc, that's okay. He said especially since we have two, one of them is going to have to cry sometimes. Sad, but true.

Speaking of crying...the poor widdle girls got their shots today. So sad! N seemed to tolerate them pretty well. She whimpered with the first one. Whimpered a little more with the second. And really cried with the third one. Her poor thighs have three little princess band-aids on them. In the meantime, K had fallen asleep on me. I wanted to wake her up before so it wouldn't be such a shock, but she was pretty tired. Poor girl got stuck while she was sleeping. She cried with all three. The last one was the worst though, she really wailed. Thankfully the crying stopped once we were on the move with them in their car seats.

After we got home the both slept for about 3 hours. When they woke up though they were in a lot of pain :0( Thankfully MIL had picked up some infant T.ylenol and we gave them that. Boy did that work wonders. You could tell every time they moved their legs around they were in pain, but after the meds I think they felt a lot better. They both chilled out for a while and went back to sleep. We're going to give them their next dose as soon as they can have it to make sure they sleep well tonight, then we'll gauge how they are doing tomorrow.

Tomorrow...I have my 2 month follow-up with Dr. M. I'm a little nervous he's going to dig around in my "area". I don't feel completely back to normal yet down there. I know my stitches have healed up, but there are still aches and pains and I'd really appreciate it if he took it easy. We'll see. Male doctors just don't get it.

Well, that's about the gist of it. All in all the girls are doing well. We go back in two months for their 4 month check up...and more shots. I want to remember to give them a dose of Tyle.nol before their appointment to see if that helps their pain at all. There is nothing more sad then having your babies hurting and not being able to take it away.

Sleep issues

I'm not talking about myself...although I could.

My children do not like to go to sleep. Each night we try putting them to bed around 7-8, but they usually aren't really out for good until about 11:30. It's so frustrating. I don't get it. Natalie is a better sleeper than Katie, but she still fights it sometimes. Katie, just plain hates going to sleep.

Today for example, I don't think she's slept for more than a half hour chunk since 11am and it's almost 5pm. Natalie on the other hand has been asleep since about noon. Naps or nighttime it doesn't matter. I can't totally blame them since they've been nomads for the last 3 weeks or so. They've taken turns staying the night at a grandma's house. I've stayed with my parents on the weekends and some weekdays, and we've stayed home some nights too. So I'm sure they are confused on what their bed is. It's also tough because when they are at home during the day they have been napping on the couch. I'm trying to get Hubby to break this habit. I'd really like them to always sleep in their cradle or crib, not the couch or a swing or a bouncy seat...although they do sleep easier in one of those things. I just want to nip it now and not when they are older.

We've been rocking the girls to sleep and once they are good and out we'll place them in their crib. Within minutes they are awake and crying. I'm trying to break myself of the habit of going in a picking them up. I've gone in and put their pacifier back in and played some music if they are really screaming and it usually calms them down and may even close their eyes, but they don't stay asleep. And I know I give in eventually (after hours of trying) and I'll pick them back up and rock them. Usually by this time it is time to eat again.

With Kaitlyn we've tried letting her cry for a while. Sometimes it works and sometimes it doesn't. I just don't get it, she is so tired, but won't give in. As I write this she is crying. It breaks my heart to let her cry, but I don't know what else to do. She's changed and fed. Ugh.

Any suggestions? They're only 9 weeks old :0(

blogger issues

Is anyone else having trouble with blogger? Yesterday my page was white with just the post titles showing. I had a photobucket error in the middle of the page. I removed all the photobucket items, but it didn't fix my layout. I change my background and was able to get my posts back (they were in white text), but none of my side bar items are showing. They are still there though when I go to my settings...

Anyone have any suggestions?

Arg! They just showed up after I posted this. I've figured out the side bar stuff doesn't show up when you look at my blog, but if you click a specific post they show up. How stupid and frustrating!

Busy Bee!!

My, oh my, do the days go by fast! The girls are 8 weeks old now! They are changing so much! I find they are getting harder to take care of the older and more awake they are. It was easier when they were newborns and slept all the time. I had time to get stuff done around the house. Now I find I only get to sit down when I'm feeding them. I often even eat meals - when I get the chance - standing up. I don't really get to taste food much anymore I scarf it down so fast - lol!

I wish I could say we have a schedule down, but we don't. I don't think we'll have much of a schedule until they are sitting up on their own and eating some solids. Right now, for one person it is almost impossible to feed them at the same time. Besides, they aren't eating at the same intervals. We've upgraded to large bottles and they're getting filled up to 5oz.

Natalie 90% of the time polishes off the whole thing, which is funny because she's been the smaller one all along. I think she is catching up though. I'm really curious what her weight will be when they have their next doctor appointment.

Kaitlyn drinks all of it maybe 70% of the time. I like to keep giving her 5oz though because it's easier than pouring and heating up another ounce if she's still hungry. She is not a patient child, so making her wait is noisy!

They are both smiling at us. Natalie is the happiest baby ever. She wakes up with a huge open-mouthed grin everyday. It's a little tougher to get a smile out of Katie, but it sure is awfully cute when she does! They are also starting to "talk" at us. Natalie is the more vocal one too. K makes a lot of noise, but it's not the same "cooing" that N does. K is definitely the more observant of the two. She will watch every move you make and sit and look around the room for a long time. She is always moving. Even if her arms and legs are still her fingers are twitchy. I think she will be my little trouble maker. I bet she starts crawling early. She already manages to scoot around when she's on her belly. Of course she doesn't realize it, but since she moves so much it's inevitable.

I have two garbage bags full of clothes they can't wear already. Goodbye newborn and 0-3 month sizes! Natalie is wearing 3 month and K is in some 3 month, but should really be wearing 3-6. Her little toes are starting to get squished. I can hardly keep up with keeping their closet organized. It seems as soon as I finally get everything squared away someone changes sizes.

Speaking of organizing...I have quite the task ahead of me. We're moving. Our house is going bubye. We haven't gotten a final date yet, but I'm sure it will be soon. Packing and moving is a daunting task in and of itself, but with two little babies. Oh man. I'm starting to collect boxes. I've gotten a few now so I can finally start going through things. Me, my mom and my brother are going to have a garage sale. They want to do it soon, so I need to get going through stuff. We are moving out to my parent's house. Not in it, but on the property. They have a two-story garage that they are converting over to an apartment for us. It will be tight quarters, but I think we can manage. I think it's only about 600 sq ft. Yikes! That's less than half the space we are in now. Good news is my parents are right there so we can get out, plus they live on a couple of acres so there is room to run around when the girls get bigger. They have a river right there too, which will be fun when they are older.

I'm guessing by September we will be living there or at least moving stuff over. I'm actually kind of looking forward to it (I may think I'm crazy later). It will be nice having WAY cheaper rent vs. our mortgage and we won't have extra bills like power, water, garbage...it will be included in our monthly rent. Plus the girls will have a set of grandparents right next door. Right now they have a grandma just a mile away - which has been wonderful! She's been coming over everyday to watch them while Hubby recovers and she's also been taking one of the girls at night until Hubby can help. She's only been a phone call away if we need something. My parents are about 15-20 away, so she'll still be fairly close by.

I only have two weeks left of half-days at work. I'm hoping to get a lot of stuff done around the house in that time. Soon I'll be back to full-time, which means a lot less time at home. I'm also hoping with this move to be able to go back to half-time, and if Hubby can find a better job, maybe I can stay home completely. We'll see...

Stay tuned...many changes ahead!

Natalie



Kaitlyn

I feel crappy...

I don't think I've cried so much in the last year as I have this week. Ugh.

I'm stressed. I'm at my breaking point. I'm exhausted, physically and emotionally.

Hubby is still recovering from surgery. He's pretty sore and not too mobile yet. The girls are still being split up at night to take turns at the grandma's. That is really hard on me. I feel like a crappy mom that I can't take care of my own kids. I should be able to handle them both.

I feel crappy that I can't keep a roof over their head. If nothing changes, our house is being forclosed on soon.

I feel crappy that I can't feed them. We've barely had any income and had to rely on family to feed us...all of us.

I feel crappy that Kaitlyn gets all my attention and Natalie chills by herself a lot.

I just feel crappy.

Surgery Day...again

Today Hubs had his third (and hopefully final) surgery. I just heard from his mom, who's at the hospital that things went well and he just go moved out of recovery to his room. Phew! We're crossing our fingers that he gets to come home in the morning.

I've been home for most of the day with the girls. OMG, what a workout! They both just fell asleep after being up for the most part for the last 4 hours...together. Thank goodness Natalie is a pretty content baby or else I might have ran from my house screaming today. Poor Kaitlyn is so needy. She just wants to be held all the time. I think she may be colicky. I hate that word colic. It's just a blanket term for a baby who cries a lot, but it sounds like some sort of disease or huge problem. She just cries a lot. I thought we were over that when we started the reflux meds with her, and for a while she was a happier baby. Now in the last four or five days she seems to cry and cry. I don't think there is anything wrong. Sometimes I think it may be that her guts are hurting her, but there are times when she passes gas or has a bm with no problem, so who knows.

Since last Thursday night the girls have been taking turns spending a night with a grandma. Hubby's mom has had them a few nights and K spent the night with my mom on Saturday. I don't think I could handle both of them at night. It is really rough during the day. Grandma C (Hub's mom), we'll call her GC, brought N back home this morning. She was also taking Hubs to the hospital. Both girls were asleep when they left, but about 20 minutes later they were both stirring and eventually woke up. I juggled feeding one, then the other and trying to keep them entertained too. GC came back over after dropping Hubby off and entertained them while I got some stuff done around the house. When she left to go back to the hospital, all hell broke loose. Both girls were still awake when she left. K was not happy she wasn't being held and N was bored of the swing. I managed to keep N somewhat happy with the pacifier, but K was SCREAMING. I have a wrap, kind of like the Mob.y and I was wearing K around. She was quiet for all of oh...a minute, and started wailing again. N was still not too happy either, so I decided to take them for a walk. I kept K strapped to me and put N in her car seat. We have a single stroller too that the car seat can snap into, so I put her in that and off we went. N fell asleep pretty quickly and K eventually did. We did two laps around the block. I left N in her car seat sitting on the couch so I didn't disturb her. K, I unwrapped and laid on the couch too. Both sound asleep...or so I thought. About 10 minutes later, both were awake and crying again. This time...for food. I got them both propped on a pillow on the couch and fed them and burped them. Once again N was a trooper and was so patient while K was screaming every time she was neglected. K was done eating and N still had quite a bit to go, so I swaddled K up tight - arms and all, and put her in the swing while I finished feeding N. She screamed and cried that heart-wrenching horrible cry for just a few minutes then she was quiet. She grunted a couple of times to push out a poo...and was quiet again. I changed her, swaddled her back up, she cried some more and I rocked her. In the meantime, I had swaddled N and stuck her in the other swing (thank God we have two!). They both fell asleep. I think they are out for real this time. It's been about 15 minutes and there hasn't been much movement out of either one.

I'm pooped and need a nap. Hopefully GC will be back fairly soon. I'd like to go see Hubs at the hospital but I understand if she doesn't want to watch both girls alone. It's tough!

I'm sure one of them will stay with her again tonight, then maybe tomorrow night they can both stay home. It breaks my heart to have one gone, but I know it's the best for everyone. They get the attention they need and I get to keep my sanity.

Well, it's only 3:30, we'll see what the rest of the day has in store. **heavy sigh**

Here we go again!

Hubby went in yesterday to have a follow-up appointment with his surgeon to check on his incision. Well, the incision has healed fine, but he's developed a pretty substantial umbilical hernia. We knew it was there, but didn't know what to do about it. The answer? Surgery. That's right folks. Another stinkin' surgery. And when might this surgery happen? A couple weeks? Months? Nope. Monday.

I'm wondering when this nightmare will ever end. Three surgeries in less than 7 months. The surgeon said this will be a shorter stay than the other two, which where about 8 days each. He's thinking he'll be released in 24-48 hours. Until Monday, Hubby is on bed rest. He's not supposed to be getting up and down a lot or lifting, including the girls.

Like I said before, we have been each taking one kid at night. With him being on the DL, he wouldn't be able to get up with one of the girls at night. I thought I could tackle them both by myself last night and go to work today, but Hubby convinced me it would be pretty tough on me since they aren't on the same schedule. I would have been up all night. We decided to enlist Grandma C to babysit. So last night, Natalie got to spend the night at Grandma's house. It broke my heart to bring her over there, but I knew it'd be the best thing for the both of us. Tonight it's Kaitlyn's turn to spend the night with her. Tomorrow I'm going to stay at my parent's house. We'll have to figure out schedule for the rest of the week. I hate this so much. I KNOW there is a plan for everything, and things happen for a reason. But seriously. Enough is enough. And I KNOW God doesn't give us more than we can handle. But seriously. I'm on the ledge.

With Hubby being sick then recovering from the first and second surgeries, the stress was pretty high. Our financial situation is a nightmare. The girls are here now and I've had to go back to work so soon. It's just a mess. I lost it a little last night and cried and cried. Thankfully I was busy at work today because I was on the verge of tears all morning.

This has to be it, right? I mean what else can go wrong? Actually, don't answer that. I know this isn't the worst it could be, but it is bad enough for me. Hopefully this is the lowest part of this valley.

Six weeks

My baby girls are six weeks old today. Where has the time gone? I wanted to take a picture of them each month with some sort of toy or object so we could see their growth from month to month...well, that didn't happen for month-one. I suppose we have so many pictures of them from their first month it doesn't make that much of a difference and here we are halfway to month two anyway. I must try to make that happen in two weeks. They change so fast!



Kaitlyn aka Kermit, Monster and Squeakers:
She is my little cuddle bug. Her favorite position is laying on my chest. I love, love, love snuggling with her. However, this does have it's drawbacks. It's hard to get her to lay on her back when it's time for bed if she's fallen to sleep on my chest. I have to admit - and don't go calling the baby police - but I let her sleep on her stomach during the day when she's napping. She sleeps so well on her belly. And yes, I watch her like a hawk when she's on her stomach. At night for a while she was sleeping in her bouncy seat since she was having issues with reflux. We've been giving her some meds to help that and it has made such a huge difference. She used to only sleep or cry. Now she has awake time where she is pleasant and not screaming all the time. Poor kid. I'm glad we were able to help her. I've been trying the last few nights to have her sleep in her cradle instead of the bouncy seat or with me in bed (which is nice, but I don't sleep that well that way). It seems to work for about half the night, but by 4 or 5am I'm too tired to put the effort into making sure she is really hard asleep to put her in the cradle. If she's just barely asleep she'll stay asleep if she is with me. I don't want to start any bad habits with her though. Maybe if she was an only child it'd be different, but since we have two kids, I don't want to have all four of us sleeping together when they're older.

Katie has also graduated to 3 month onesies and she's filled out the size 1-2 Kirk.land diapers pretty well. She is growing so fast. I think I'm going to start letting her hands be free more. Until now they both have been in "sleeper sacks" this whole time with the covers for their claws. She seems to keep her hands from her face most of the time, except when she's really upset. Her nails are pretty short, so I think she might not mutilate her face too much.



Natalie aka Nate-dog, Wilbur, Fonzi and sometimes Monster:
She is our laid back one. She is pretty quiet for the most part. Of course she does have her moments of crying for no obvious reason, but that's not too often. She is pretty content chilling out by herself for a while. We can put her in a bouncy seat or the swing and she'll just hang out checking out the toys. Unlike her sister who likes to be held most of the time. She spits up a lot. At first it didn't seem to bother her, but then in the last week and a half or so she's started showing the same signs her sister did of reflux. We called the doc and he had us start giving her meds too. It seems to be helping a lot. Natalie is a little piggy too. She packs away all 4 oz of her bottle most of the time. And she ain't no lady either. When she's done, she'll belch louder than any beer drinkin' slob at a bar. It is quite humorous actually.

This weekend I started putting her in 0-3 month onesies. Goodbye cute newborn clothes. She is also wearing the size 1-2 diapers. They are a little bigger on her, but I think they still fit fine. She also apparently started smiling at people...except her mother. Both grandmas and Hubby have said they think she smiled at them - on purpose. I haven't gotten to see that yet. Snif, snif.

At night she hangs out with her dad. Hubby and I decided that's the easiest way to tackle them at night is if we each are responsible for one of them. That way we're both not getting up for one kid. I've been taking Kaitlyn since she is the needier one and I seem to have a little more patience than Hubby. It seems to be working pretty well, although I will say I do feel guilty for not spending as much time with Natalie. It's sad to say, but the squeaky wheel does get the grease. If this continues as they get older, I need to make sure that I give Natalie just as much attention, she doesn't need to be "punished" for not causing a ruckus. I know how that goes. My brother was a trouble maker and I was a pretty good kid. He got more attention then and actually until the girls were born he still got my parents attention the most. Not that I needed them, but he's always been catered to more than me.

Well, I think that about sums it up for now. Overall they are doing great. I cannot believe it has already been six weeks since they were born. I look back at pictures from even two weeks ago and I can see such a huge difference between them.

Back to work

Once again, it has taken me days and days to complete a post...

I started back to work on Monday (boo!). It actually hasn't been too bad, but I'm sure it's just because I'm working 4 hour days. My original plan was to work half days this week and next, then go back to full time the following week. I thought I'd have to stick to that plan since that's what I worked out with my boss before I left on maternity leave.

Well, I found out on Monday that during my 12 weeks of maternity leave I could use that time however I wanted to. I decided to continue with the half days until my leave is over (August 9). I feel so much better about this. I've really had a lot of anxiety about leaving Hubby alone with the kids. His mom has been coming over everyday to help him out while I'm gone, but I know that won't last forever.

I think I mentioned in my previous post about how I never really thought I'd feel so strongly about staying home with my girls. I thought it would work out perfect having Hubs stay home during the day while I worked, then he would go to work when I got home. Well, things haven't worked out exactly that way. Since Hubby has started back to work he hasn't gotten a whole heckova lot of hours. Seriously, like one or two shifts a week. He also doesn't enjoy being a stay-at-home-dad like I thought he would. Although he said it is growing on him.

We've been having some discussions lately and he's going to be hunting for a new job. He just can't rely on getting more hours from his current employer. Plus, I REALLY would like to be with my girls, so he needs something that has decent pay and benefits so I could quit or drastically reduce my hours at work. Currently, I have to work 30/week to keep my benefits.

My boss also asked me if I'd like to continue to work half time after my leave is over. I would really like to do this, but I just don't see how it will work. If Hubby finds a new job, then we'd have to have childcare for them while I'm at work. It doesn't make sense to put them in daycare for 4 hours a day since I'll probably not make enough money in that time to be worth it. If Hubby hasn't gotten a new job by then, that means he'll probably still not have many hours and it would make more sense for me to work full time to bring home the bacon. I really "should" work full time now for the money, but I'll never have this opportunity again to work half time at my office (unless obviously if I did it permanently).

Our life is so crazy right now. It seems the dust will never settle. Our girls are growing like weeds and I want to be there as much as I can to witness it.

Oh and an update from my last post...we have to plans to move into my parents garage. Although it would be a money saver, it just doesn't make sense. I am still willing to cut back on our lifestyle for a few years to make things work for me to stay home...but we'll just have to see how it all plays out. This year has sucked pretty bad, and I'm sad my girls had to join us during this time, but I guess things happen for a reason. Thank God for the GENEROUS help we've gotten from our family though, it's the only thing getting us through right now.

4 weeks!

The girls are now 4 weeks old! I can't believe how fast time is flying by! Sadly, I am returning to work next week. I wish I could use up all of my maternity leave, but financially...I gotsta go back.

The girls are doing so well. I really think the reflux meds have helped K a ton! I've also been having her sleep in her bouncy seat at night. The combination of the two has been working well. She's basically sleeping from feeding to feeding (3-4 hours), unless she's gassy. N has been doing well too. Poor little girl got the baby acne a little worse than her sister. Plus yesterday it was so warm yesterday she chilled in a onesie most of the day and her nails got her a little too :0(

Both girls got a bath today. I hate giving them a bath. It will be so much better when they can hold their head up and even better when they can sit up on their own. Right now it's a two person job to bathe them. I have to have someone holding their heads and bodies up, since they tend to slouch down in the tub. Oh, and by the way, those mesh hammock thingies that the tubs come with are a pain in a butt. They get soapy and the girls slide down in them it's hard to rise the kids off. After the first bath I put that thing away. I do have to say that today's bath was a little better. They actually seemed to like it more. Actually, I should say K liked it more. She hates being messed with. She hates her diaper changed, clothes changed, etc. N liked the bath just as much I think. She didn't let out a peep until I was trying to get her dressed again - which is really hard to do with their skin is damp.

I've been freaking out the last few days with my first day of work looming. I thought I had everything figured out. I'd have my hours changed at work. Hubby would stay home with the girls. I'd get home and he'd leave for work. Simple. No daycare. Win-win for everyone. The reality is, my work doesn't seem to be as cooperative as they said they'd be when I first asked about me switching my hours. Hubby is not cut out to be a stay at home dad. I don't blame him. It's a lot of work and really overwhelming to be alone with them. He's been really good with them, but gets frustrated really easy. Also, his work isn't giving him many hours at all. Seriously, like one or two days a week.

I talked before about hard times at our house. Since Hubby got sick back in December and had to have his surgery and then the second surgery in March, he's just gotten back to work about a week or two ago after healing from his surgeries. Financially we're in really bad shape. We've basically been living off of his parents for months. Thank God for them. I'm ready to throw in the towel on our house. We're are months behind in our payments and even when I am back to work and able to make payments again, they are too big for us. The payment has always been a little too steep, but we made it work before, but now with the girls here, it's pretty much impossible. My mom half serious/half joking said that we could move into one of their garages (my brother lives in the upstairs part of the garage - lol. I'm actually considering it. My dad is a handyman, he would fix it up and make it livable for us. Sure we wouldn't have a bathroom, but the house is 20 ft away. And really, things would suck, but I'd be able to not work at all or only work part time and be able to spend the first precious few years with my girls. Because really, we'd only have to figure something out for the first five years, until they start school.

Even if living in my parents garage doesn't workout, I'd like to figure out something. I jokingly said on fa.ceboo.k that I'd live in a van down by the river. While the girls are this young, they aren't going to know or care where we live. When I was a kid, my parents didn't have much money and I've heard stories about the living conditions we were in until I was in kindergarten. I don't hardly remember at all. Not the bad stuff anyway.

Anyway, I didn't mean to make this post all about staying home with the kids, but I'm racking my brain trying to figure something out. I never thought I'd feel so strongly about leaving my girls during the day to go to work. **sigh** I know most if not all moms feel this way, but I seriously want to lay on the floor and kick my arms and legs and throw a tantrum about going back to work. I don't wanna!

Okay, more pictures of the girls coming soon. Their one-month "birthday" is Saturday!

1 month-ish check up

The girls went in today for their one month check up. They are 3 weeks and two days old today. K weighed in at a whoppin' 9lbs 5oz (in the 64th percentile)!! Little N came in at 7lbs 8oz (the 11th percentile).

We talked with the doc about K screaming and crying, more than just the "normal" baby crying. We figured it may be gas pain or reflux. We're supposed to try those M.ylicon drops 4-6 times a day and see if that helps. If not, there is a prescription waiting for us at the pharmacy for some Zantac. The more I think about it, the more the reflux makes sense. She really cries when we lay her down and she stops when we pick her up and she's upright. So much for me thinking she was being spoiled by sleeping on me or in her swing instead of in her crib. Poor widdle girl! We'll see if that's what it is. I hope it is "something" that is fixable. I think she gets really tired too since she doesn't seem to sleep too well at night.

We get to go back in a month or so for their two month check up...and get all their shots :0(

Also while we were there Hubby saw the doc too (he's our family doc). Turns out Hubby has developed a umbilical hernia, probably resulting from his surgeries he's had. He's waiting to hear from the surgeon's office to get an appointment to see if it will go away on it's own or require ANOTHER surgery. Seriously. Does this crap ever end? He just got back to work last week and now he's supposed to take it easy and stay off his feet until he hears back from their office. Excellent. Depending on what they say I may be going back to worker sooner than I wanted to. Oh well.

Hodge Podge

Once again, it's taken me days and days to squeeze out a post. I've had several things I've wanted to blog about lately, but now...I don't have the time. So, I figured the best way to get my thoughts out was to just hit on each topic instead of doing a post for each thing.

- I hate pumping. It is evil. I'm not sure exactly why, but as soon as I get all hooked up and tugged on I get pissy. I'm instantly angry. It's 15 minutes of trying not to talk to anyone so I don't be mean. I have a hard time pumping when I'm supposed to. For one, since I hate it, it's hard to get motivated to keep on schedule. Two, with the girls being on different feeding schedules it's just one more thing to do at a certain time. I have the pump rented for a month, and I think I'm going to return it at the end of the month instead of renting it longer. I'm only getting about 1/3 of what they need anyway. And one last selfish excuse is having to deal with pumping at work. It would be a pain to deal with. I know, I know the breast is the best, but I think giving them what I can for a month is better than what some mothers do... That's my story, and I'm sticking to it. **Update, as of yesterday I quit pumping. It is nice not having to deal with it anymore, but I feel guilty for giving up early. And as my punishment my boobs hurt so bad! Yowza!**

- The girls. They are definitely different. Not only looks wise, but personality. Natalie is the small fry. She is quiet and seems so peaceful most of the time. Kaitlyn on the other hand, is the moose...and the noisy one. She squeaks and makes all kinds of noises all the time, which are usually so cute and I love to listen to, but she is also a screamer and a major crier. I seem to be the only one who can console her. My husband gets so frustrated because she cries and cries and there doesn't seem to be anything at times that can make her stop. Most of the time, if I grab her and hold her to my chest she'll stop. It's a love/hate thing for me. I love that I can comfort her and she can calm down when she's close to me, but I also hate it, because feel like maybe I shouldn't hold her so much so she doesn't rely only on snuggling with only me to feel better. I know she's only three weeks old and probably doesn't realize what's happening. I just don't want to make it a habit. I'm going back to work soon and I won't be home to comfort her all the time. It's something I really struggle with every time she cries. I've tried to let her "cry it out" a couple of times, but I don't have the heart to let her go on for very long. She's only three weeks old. Poor lil bugger.

- My hubby. God bless him. He has been doing a pretty darn good job for never being around babies before. He washes bottles, mixes formula, changes diapers, gets up for feedings at night. I know he gets really frustrated with them though. He mostly handles Natalie and I have Katie. I really don't like this set up. He should be bonding more with Katie, but her crying really drives him nuts. I see him get annoyed and I want to just take her back and love on her. He likes Natalie since she's so quiet. She's awake the most too so he gets to take care of the "easy one".

- Nighttime. Ugh. My mom stayed the night with us for two weeks. It was so nice. We've been on our own now for three or four nights and it's been rough. The girls rarely sleep at the same time. They eat at different times so it seems like there is constantly someone crying. Like I said before, Hubby gets Natalie and she mostly sleeps from feeding to feeding (about 4 hours or so). She does however like her pacifier and will wake up whenever it falls out. Unfortunately the cradle is on my side of the bed so I'm the one putting it back in her mouth constantly. Then Kaitlyn will cry and it takes about an hour to feed her, burp her and get her sleepy enough to go back to bed. She's waking up about every 3 hours to eat. The last two nights I think I've gotten about 3 hours of majorly interrupted sleep. Most of it has come after burping Katie and falling asleep with her in my arms in the recliner.

- Daytime. It is so quiet. I think the girls are so exhausted from being up all night they sleep during the day. I really should nap during this time, but usually I am busy washing laundry or bottles or feeding myself. It doesn't sound like much but the days fly by so fast! I've only been able to sneak in a shower every other day. I live in my pj's and other than having our pictures taken last week, I haven't put on a bit of make up for probably two months.

The swing has been a lifesaver. Both girls enjoy rocking in it and it gives us some time to put them down while they're awake to get some stuff done. Thankfully, yesterday, my friend brought over a second swing that she is no longer using. This will be nice since I generally have to evaluate who needs the swing the most and who could chill by themselves. Now they can both have a swing. Yay!

Well I suppose that's enough for now, especially since I have Katie in one arm and I'm typing with one hand now.

Their first photo shoot

The girls had their photos taken yesterday. A coworker of my mom's did it for free!! She is still working on editing the others but she sent this one this morning. Isn't it just so freakin adorable. I got a little choked up when I saw it.

The girls will be two weeks old tomorrow. I can't believe how fast time is flying. Soon enough it will be July and I'll have to go back to work **sniff, sniff** I just love snuggling with them. K is quite the snuggle bug. She loves laying on my chest, in fact she is laying on me right now snoozing away. Spoiled girl.

They did so good yesterday, although I think it wore them out. They slept solid for hours and hours. We had to wake them to eat.

I just wanted to share the picture. I'll post some more when I get them!

Too good to be true?

**knock on wood**

The past two nights my girls have slept solid for 4 hours at a time and are feeding one right after the other. It might be too good to be true. It makes it so easy for one person to take care of them at night.

The night before last my mom (who has been staying with us at night) wasn't able to come over, so Hubby and I had the girls to ourselves. Hubby still isn't feeling well, so it was me taking care of them. It was such a breeze! I got some good chunks of sleep.

Last night, my mom was taking care of the girls and I only had to wake up to pump every 3 hours. She said that they were sleeping from feeding to feeding too. I hope this isn't a fluke!

Before the last couple of nights they've been really fussy at night and sleeping solid during the day (surprise, surprise!). We'll see if this is a trend. Even if it isn't, it's such a treat!

Hospital Pics

The birth day

May 26, 2010, such a great day!

It started with me getting a whopping 2 hours of sleep the night before. My mind was going crazy thinking about the induction and the unknown, and I was staring at the clock most of the night hoping I wouldn't miss my alarm. I was scheduled to be at the hospital at 7:30am and I was to call in an hour before to confirm. I called about 6:15 and was told to call back at 6:45 since the charge nurse was not there yet and she needed to check the staffing for the day. I called back and was told to show up at 9am, no need to call back. About 45 minutes later the hospital called me and said they are really full and they aren't sure if I will be able to get in today. I should show up at 9am anyway and they will re-evaluate and give me an NST to check the babies. I was bummed. I was so ready. I just hoped if I couldn't be induced today, they could get me in tomorrow and not next week.

Hubby and I showed up at 9am and was immediately whisked back to my labor room. I was so happy!! I found out later they had labor rooms, but the postpartum rooms were the full ones. They went around and rushed some women out who were planning to leave later in the afternoon.

Anyway, I was brought into the labor room and changed into the super sexy gown. I kept waiting for my nerves to kick in, but they never really did. I just kind of rolled with the flow. The only two things I was nervous about was getting the IV and the epidural. Getting the IV did suck, but it wasn't that bad I guess. She started me off on just some fluids. The pitocin would come after my water broke. I was also strapped with the fetal monitors. I was having some mild contractions, but nothing major. I was checked and was still 3cm dialated and now 75% effaced. Noon rolls around and Dr. M showed up to break my water. Ew. That was so gross. I was already uncomfortable from having a man's hands jammed up there (by the way, my woman nurse was so much more gentle), but they the sudden gush of warm water was disgusting. I felt like I peed a gallon and every time I moved it gushed a little more. Eck.

I also had a fetal monitor attached to baby A's head, since the monitor on my belly kept sliding around and we kept loosing the heart beat. I had a contraction monitor inserted too. The internal contraction monitor measured not only the contractions, but the strength of them. The belly one just measured whether I had one or not.

After my water was broken they hooked up the pitocin to get things going. At first it was nothin, just a little stronger contractions, but not bad. Then it started to get bad. I asked about the anesthesiologist and how long it would take for him to get here. The nurse asked when I wanted the epidural, and I said now. I had no idea how long it would take for him to get there and how long it would take for the meds to kick in. I didn't want the contractions to get that much stronger. It actually didn't take him long at all to come in. We chatted for a minute and then he got to work. Man was I nervous! I had to keep being reminded to relax my shoulders and hunch over...which is hard to do when your tense. I was shaking. I'm guessing it was the combination of the contractions and my nerves, but my legs were shaking. The nurse was so sweet rubbing my arms and using her legs to try to still mine.

Ya...epidurals suck. As he was trying to get it placed it hit every bone on the way down. Ouch. I was trying to stay cool, but I felt the tears coming. Then I'm informed he needed to move up a little, this one didn't work. Boo! He started attempt number two, once again hitting some spine on the way down. Hubby was able to stay during the procedure, which I was surprised about. He got me some tissue for my tears, because by this point I wouldn't hold back the water works. I was also reminding myself to breathe, but also had to make sure I didn't make myself hyperventilate. Finally it was placed and I felt the zing down my left leg that it was working. I was so happy it was over!

Pretty much from that point to when they whisked me away to the OR to deliver is a blur. The contractions go stronger and stronger and by 4:30 I was feeling major pressure. By 5pm I wanted to start pushing. Well "want" isn't the right word. I NEEDED to start pushing. It's amazing the so-called "urge" sounds so mild, but really the "urge" is something basically uncontrollable. At first I was told to try not to push...ya...right. It's next to impossible.

So at 5pm, I was wheeled away and they used a hoist to move me from my bed to the OR bed since I couldn't use my legs and I was MEGA uncomfortable. I was just moaning and sweating and gripping the side of the bed. The next thing I know I'm in position and told to start pushing. In three pushes Baby A (K) was out. She was taken right over to the isolette to get cleaned up. Listening to her cry was just amazing!

After A was out I couldn't feel my contractions anymore. I was told when I was having one and told to push. At that point I couldn't tell if I was pushing either. Apparently I was doing it right, because only two pushes later Baby B was out. She was a little more lethargic and she too was brought right over to her isolette. After a minute or two they got her crying too.

I ended up having a second degree tear so I had to be stitched up. They had turned off my epidural when I started pushing and it must have started to wear off quick because I felt the doc stitching me. I had to be injected with some Lidocaine. While he was working on my the babies were passed over to me and I got to hold them both. Such sweet girls!! We were able to get some good pictures the nurses took our first family pics!

Recovery has actually been pretty good. I feel so much better not being pregnant anymore. I still have some pelvic pain, but it's getting better. I'm sure it just needs time to heal. My tear is healing fine I think. I've taken a little pain meds to help with minor pain from that and my back ached from the epidural.

My milk should have come in on Saturday (at least I was told it would). I was pumping consistently, but still I wasn't getting anything. I quit pumping Saturday night. Last night, well technically this morning, I was rolling over in bed and realized my shirt was wet. Well, whaduya know it was my milk. I got about 3.5 oz from the first pump. Since then it has only amounted to about an ounce and a half. Not nearly enough to satisfy my babes who are chowing down on up to 3oz a feeding, but it is better than nothing I guess. I hope I can build up my supply, we'll see.

Well, since I've been working on this post on and off for the last three days, I suppose I'll post it now. I know there are things I'm forgetting, but oh well...

We're home!!

Natalie Danielle - 4 days old



Kaitlyn Renee - 4 days old


Birth story later. Stay tuned...

Babies are here! Born May 26, K 7.1 at 5:31pm and N 6.7 at 5:41, both vaginally. Mom and girls are doing great. Planning to be home tomorrow!

Tomorrow is birth day!!

I had a NST and a doctor appointment today. The NST was pretty normal. Poor baby A had to be buzzed again because she just wouldn't wake up. After she was buzzed though, she was upset for a long time. It took her a while to settle down. Poor widdle girl! Of course baby B is a show off and she passed the test in less than 10 minutes. I'll be curious if their temperament inside will be the same outside. My blood pressure was high when was having the test done. I think it was 155/90.

Then I went to my doctor appointment. BP was still up there, but it was better. I think it was 140/??. The doc had me lay down for a bit and tried it again. I think it went down to 136/??. I can never remember the lower number.

The babies were measured and my fluid was checked. Baby A was about 7 lbs 12oz, up from 7 lbs 3oz two weeks ago. Baby B actually measured less than two weeks ago. I think she was 7 lbs 5oz before and today she was like 6 lbs 14oz or something. Fluid looked good. I still had some good sized pockets.

Because of my bp and the growth issue with baby B, the doc decided to induce me. When I was at the hospital earlier for the NST I was talking to the nurse about induction and she checked the schedule for me and said tomorrow was a good day. I told the doc that, so he called and scheduled me to come in tomorrow.

He also checked my cervix. I'm 3cm dilated, 60% effaced and a +1. Nobody told me how uncomfortable being "checked" is. Ouch and holy crap!

The plan tomorrow is to hook me up to some pitocin in the morning. The doc said he'll probably see me around noon to break my water then we'll go from there. I'm planning to do a vaginal delivery since both babies are head down. I'm don't have my heart set on it, so I'm up for a c-section if it comes to it. I'd just rather recover from a vaginal one instead of the surgery, and obviously I'll do whatever is best for the babes.

I do have to say though, after the doc checked my cervix around 2pm or so today I've been having a lot of menstrual cramps and some bleeding (he told me that would happen). It's now 5pm and I'm still cramping and still having some bleeding. I wonder if him checking me and messing around in my biz-ness set anything off. I guess we'll see!

Bags are packed, car seats and stroller are in the car. I guess we're as ready as we'll ever be. I can't wait to see them tomorrow. I can't even imagine what they will look like. Eeek!!

I'll leave you with one last belly pic I just took...37w5d.

Email test

Okay, now I'm seeing if I can post of my email account. I've had this blog for a really long time. I can't believe I never figured out the text and email thing before. Geesh.

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The New Busy think 9 to 5 is a cute idea. Combine multiple calendars with Hotmail. Get busy.

Yay, I figured out how to post from my cell phone. Now I can keep ya'll updated from the hospital...when the time comes...

36w5d

I'm still here. I haven't felt like blogging much...obviously. I'm reading blogs everyday, but just haven't felt like posting.

I had an appt yesterday to check my fluid and it still looks good. I had NSTs on Friday and today. Fridays was fine. Today baby A had some dips in her heart rate, and Dr. M was actually at the hospital and came to look at the strip and he decided things were still fine. I go back for another NST on Friday. I was really hoping today was going to be the day. I am so done. I emotionally exhausted and physically uncomfortable.

The pelvic pain I've complained about since probably the early 20's has never left. It has gradually gotten worse. I went to two grocery stores yesterday and it completely kicked my butt. I can hardly do anything around the house anymore. Bending over is pretty much out of the question so getting clothes out of the dryer is interesting. I can't do dishes at the sink because my belly is in the way. I don't know how many times I've almost burned my belly on the stove trying to cook. Yesterday Dr. M measured my belly at 48 cm. That is approximately the size of a belly at 48 weeks!!! Yeck.

I still sleep like crap, waking up every hour to hour and a half to pee. I wake up to roll over. I can only stay in bed for so long before my hips bother me. I've slept out in the recliner a few times lately.

I hate asking for help, but I don't have much choice anymore. Hubby does a lot for me, like getting me water, helping me up, and doing the driving when we go somewhere, but he is not a good housekeeper. I feel like a nag asking him to do stuff all the time. I don't think he understands that I'd like the house clean when we leave for the hospital. I've quit asking. I think he knows if he doesn't do it, the grandmas will take care of it while I'm in the hospital. Urg! I could go on and on about this...but I'll spare you.

Okay, I've worked myself into being pissy and teary eyed, so I'll leave you now. Hopefully I can post on here soon that we are on our way to the hospital or that the babies arrived!!

P.S. Sorry to be such a downer, I just really want these little girls to get here already!

36 week (almost) appt

I had an appointment this morning. I'm 35w5d. I thought I was just going in to have my cervix checked, but the babies ended up being measured and he swabbed (or more like scraped) me to test for Strep B. No cervix check.

I had to have hubby drive me this morning because my pelvic pain was so bad I could barely walk, much less drive. Yesterday UPS stopped at the house and I opened the door and two of my three dogs were trying to escape. I was using my feet to try to push them in, but apparently my pubic bone didn't like the movement. Afterward I was in so much pain. I could hardly stand up without crying out. Walking was torture. I couldn't roll over in bed without major pain. I ended up sleeping in the recliner in the living room for a couple of hours. Thankfully it is finally feeling a little better now. I'm still in a lot of pain, but standing is better and walking isn't so torturous.

Anyway, Hubby drove me in to the appointment. We got to see our little piggies and they got measured. They are both a estimated to be a little over 7lbs each!!! Both are head down and both have their feet lodged in my ribs on the left side.

It is so uncomfortable now to lay on the exam table. I used to really enjoy having the u/s's done and I wished the doc would go slower so I could stare at them, but now I'm hoping he gets it over with quick so I can sit up. I had to have help getting my feet in the stirrups for the "scraping". I had to have Hubby help me sit up too. I can't wait to have my body back.

I asked the doc about induction. From what I've read in books and online the general consensus is that twins don't go past 38 weeks because the placentas tend to wear out. We'll apparently my doc doesn't think so. He said that I'd be induced if I got to my due date...of 40 WEEKS!!! I can't imagine having to be pregnant for another 4 weeks. He also said since they are both head down we could try for a vaginal delivery, but it's up to me what I want to do. I never thought I'd have a choice. I just assumed I'd end up having to do a c-section. Of course I will do whatever is best for the babies, but I'm nervous if I push one out the other is going to have some sort of distress or something and I'll have to have a c-section for the other. I really, REALLY, don't want to do both. I think I'll just wait and see what the situation is what it happens and decide from there.

Now I'm going in to see the doc once a week so he can check my amniotic fluid and I'll also be going to the hospital twice a week for NST's. My first NST is Friday. I'm really looking forward to it. I loved listening to them when I had my last one.

Well, I think that was about the gist of my appointment. I go back to see him on Monday.

Sad day

I found out this morning my grandma died.

She went in for gallbladder surgery three days ago. She didn't wake up from surgery until the next day and they found her kidneys were having a hard time working and her breathing was really labored. Last night the doctors said her kidneys had failed and they started taking her off all the meds she was hooked up to and they gave her some other drugs to make her comfortable. This morning her breathing was harder for her.

Thankfully she was surrounded by her kids when she took her last breath. She wasn't awake either and I heard she went very peacefully.

My grandma used to live near me up until about six or seven years ago. Since then I've only seen her twice. She moved back to WI to be near more of her family (she has nine kids and most of them live in WI). I wish so bad that I could be there to say goodbye and be at her service. There is no way I can fly right now...I could go into labor at anytime...

I believe in my head that God has a plan and things happen for a reason, but I'm starting to lose faith in my heart. The timing of events in my life over the past nine months or so have just sucked...I just don't see the reason...

35 weeks

Wow. 35 weeks. The end is so close!

I have really gotten uncomfortable in the last week or so. Last Thursday when I went up to Seattle for the NST and BP check I think was the turning point. My pelvis hurt so bad when I got home from being in the car for probably 3 hours total and spending hours sitting at the doc's office. I had a lot of contractions that day. I'm sure it was from dehydration. The contractions have improved a little, but in the evenings and at night I still get quite a few. They aren't painful at all, just uncomfortable because my belly gets so tight. I have started to feel some cramping, like menstrual cramps off and on, but nothing consistent or too uncomfortable.

On Monday I was helping hubby pick up the house and I had bent over a lot picking up dog toys, etc. so Hubby could vacuum...bad idea. Holy crap by back hurt so bad later that night and the next day. I'm sure it's because I've been so lazy for months and of course all the weight I have hanging on the front of me. I didn't go to work on Tuesday because my back hurt so bad. There was no way I was going to be able to sit in a chair for any amount of time at all.

I had decided last week that this Friday was going to be my last day at work. I've just gotten so uncomfortable and I figured I could use some time to rest up and relax, because those days are definitely numbered!! Well after the back issues on Tuesday, I went to work Wednesday and said I wanted to be done now. I think they anticipated that because they were not shocked and told me to finish up and head home. They didn't even want me to stay the whole 4 hours. So now, I'm officially done with work until at least July 6. I'm a little worried that if these babies don't show up soon I'm wasting my leave time not spending it with them. I'm sure though I can work something out with my office if the time comes and I decide to need more time with the babies. My boss told me just to email her every once in a while with how I'm doing. I'm so thankful to have a female boss...even though she doesn't have kids of her own. I think she is more understanding than a man would be. I know it sounds silly, but I feel guilty not being at work while I'm still pregnant. I have already checked my emails a couple of times...I can't help it - lol.

Last weekend my feet decided to start swelling. They have off and on, but mostly it happened when I would eat salty food. Now though it doesn't matter what I eat, I'm puffy. The swelling mostly goes down during the night, but it's still a little there in the morning. My fingers have been slightly puffy,but I've still been able to wear my wedding ring...even thought it's a little snug.

I don't think there is anything else we need to do to get ready for these babies. The nursery is ready. I took all the toys off the bed last night and also took the comforter off and draped it over the side since they won't be able to sleep under it for a while. There are just a few sheets and blankets I need to be washed, but all the clothes are washed and put away. The changing station is stocked, my bag is packed. The forms for their birth certificates and SSNs are as filled out as they can be right now. The car seats are in the car and the car has gas in it.

We are now just waiting. I'm being asked a thousand times from e-v-e-r-y-o-n-e how I'm feeling. that is another bonus to being gone from work...I couldn't walk anywhere without being harassed. I know everyone means well, but ugh, it is annoying...or maybe I'm just more irritable these days...

I talked to my mom the other day, I had to tell her to chill out. She's been OVERLY excited for these girls to arrive. We went from talking to each other on the phone once a week or less to now she calls me almost everyday asking how I'm doing, if anything has changed, then I have to listen to her disappointment that the babies are sticking around for a while. I've tried DRILLING into her that the longer they are in the better. My twin "due date" isn't until next week. We want them to stay in there as long as possible so they can be as healthy as possible. Ugh, she is so selfish. I called her for something the other day and she was almost squealing when she answered the phone, then when she realized I wasn't calling to tell her I was at the hospital she didn't bother hiding her disappointment. Sadly, I roll my eyes when I see her calling. I'm a little nervous about how she is going to be at the hospital. Okay, I could go on, but I guess I should stop...

Okay, I have more thoughts in this brain to blog about, but I think this is enough for now. My next appointment isn't until next Tuesday...I'll keep you posted!

34 weeks - a big day!

First of all - yay for reaching 34 weeks! It's official, I can stay in town to deliver and not go up north. Such a relief!

Now that I know for sure which hospital I am going to, I can pre-register. That is totally exciting and scary at the same time. I guess this is for real. We have to baby girls coming VERY soon!

I also have printed the paper work to fill out for their birth certificates and SSN's.

Today I also had an appointment at the UW Me.dical Cen.ter. First I had a NST (non-stress test) done. It was the first time I got to hear the babies heartbeats. It was such a beautiful sound! When the nurse started hooking up the dopplers, I told her on Tuesday they were both head down. She found baby A's right away. Baby B she searched around a little then finally gave up and went to get the u/s machine since she couldn't pin point her heartbeat. After using the u/s she found B's right away...and now she's transverse. Ugh, stubborn child! How is that physically possible with the amount of room they have in there for one to be head down and the other sideways? Strange.

Baby A was pretty active at first, but then fell asleep, so the nurse had to wake her up. She had this little vibrating buzzer thingy and put it about where A's rump was and buzzed her once. Poor little girl was woken up in a second. Both babies were very awake after that.

I also had a monitor on me for contractions. I think during the test, which lasted 20-30 mins I had 4-5 contractions. Later when I saw the doc he noticed it but said it's to be expected at this point.

After the NST, I went to have the u/s's done on my arteries. Everything went smooth for that too.

Finally it was time to sit and wait for the doc to go over everything with me. After waiting for about an hour - again - for him to come into the room, we went over the results. My blood pressures have been really good. My blood flow is back in the normal range and not high or borderline anymore - woohoo!

He asked me if we were planning to have any more kids after this pregnancy. I said nope, this is it. He said "What's the plan?" I was confused, I said "What plan?" he said for birth control. I told him I hadn't even thought about it much, but I was on the pill before and will probably go back to that. He suggested something like an IUD since with having babies I might not remember to take the pill everyday. Okay, I get that. I'll think about it later. He said what we really need to do it have "Dad" get a vasectomy. Um...no. I just kind of laughed it off. Seriously though, I wouldn't even consider that, for one, it is so permanent. I know right now we don't plan to have more kids, but we aren't even 30 yet, maybe in two or three years we'll change our minds, or maybe not, but I want to leave the option available. Besides, with me having PCOS, I'll have to control it with hormones somehow, like with the pill, or whatever my doc and I decide will work best. I don't know why it irked me so bad, I guess because I won't even consider asking Hubby to do that, and probably because the doc went on and on about it for a few minutes.

Anyway, that was about the gist of the appointment. He, like Dr. M, even told me how well I'm doing. He said twins are supposed to be complicated, but I haven't been complicated at all. The NST nurse was surprised I hadn't had any issues at all and haven't had to go to the hospital for anything. I guess I'm just awesome like that - lol. Then doc said "Congrats, you've graduated" and that was it. I'm done with the UWMC - yes!!

Now I'm off to fill out paperwork and pre-register!!

33w5d appt

I had my appointment this morning. I got to drink the lovely glucola again, since my babies are large, he wants to double check there is no insulin issues. I should hear the results in a few days.

He did a quick ultrasound to look at the heartbeats this morning and they are still going strong!

He also checked my cervix via u/s, still long and closed! I don't know why I'm so surprised, but I really am. For some reason I thought there would be a big change and I'd be sent to the hospital or be put on strict bed rest or something. Nope. My body is holding up really well! It's about time it does what it's supposed to!

While he was doing the u/s we got to see the heads of both babies. They are still both head down. It was cute and he printed the pic for me. I'll see if I can get it posted soon.

It is looking like these babies might stay head down. I wondered if they were still in that position (they were at my last appointment), because they have been moving like crazy lately. I guess that is just four knees and feet pummeling my diaphram, lungs and ribs :0)

Dr. M asked if I was still working. I told him I was still working 4 hours a day. He was really surprised. He said I am doing really, really well. I don't know if he was in a particularly good mood this morning or if I am really that amazing (ha!), but he was so happy for me that I'm doing so well.

I can't believe 34 weeks is Thursday already! I get to stay in town to deliver - yay!!! Thursday I'm also trekking back up to Seattle to the bp doc. I know I'm having a NST done, but I'm not sure what else. I'm planning not to work that day since sitting in the car and at the appointment will be enough for my pelvis that day I think.

I had all kinds of questions for the doc today, but it was kind of crazy at his office. Normally after my u/s's I meet him in his office to discuss the results. Today, since I had to have my blood drawn exactly an hour after I drank the gunk I had to go from my u/s to the nurses station. I thought I'd go back to his office when I was done, but he met me out there. He was talking, the nurse was poking me, the receptionist was telling him he had a call on line 1...it was very distracting. The next thing I know he's on the phone, I'm at the reception desk scheduling my next appointment and then that's it.

None of the questions were too important, but more curiosity questions. I guess it's nothing I can't ask about at my next appointment...if I get there :0)

Next appointment in two weeks - I'll be two days shy of 36 - yahoo!! Oh and he said that if I get to 36 then the babies will probably be able to come home with me right away and not have to stay longer!!