26 weeks!

Wow, I can't believe how quickly I arrived here! Some weeks seem to go faster or slower than others, but over all this has been a fast 6 1/2 months!

I had a doctor appointment this morning. He took time to measure the girls...and confirm that they are really girls. They are both weighing 2 lbs 3 oz already! They are in the 80th percentile. I'm so happy that they are weighing well, because I was really worried about small little babies. Hopefully they keep up with the pace and are healthy weights when they arrive. They are both about 13 inches long too. That's a lot of bebeh!

My cervix still looks good. He didn't say how it compared to my last measurement, but if he thinks its fine then I'm not going to worry.

I talked to him about my pelvic pain and all the BH contractions that I've been having. I showed him my list I've been keeping of the daily tally of contractions and there is definitely a difference when I'm at work and when I'm home. To remedy the problem I'm going on half days now at work. Financially, this sucks, but I am really looking forward to relaxing a bit more and enjoying our last couple of months of freedom (and quiet) around the house! :0)

My office has been very understanding and supportive. They've rearranged my desk area and even bought a stand/tray thingy that hold my keyboard so I can recline in my chair, put my feet up and still work. This has helped take the pressure off my pubic bone, which has helped in the pain department. We've worked out coverage already, so me going to half days is not a big deal.

Back to my appointment...I also did that one-hour glucose test today. I have to say that syrupy drink wasn't so bad. It helped a lot that it was ice cold and I could chug it all down with out coming up for air. I got my blood drawn an hour later, now we just have to wait for the results. Hopefully we'll know by Monday or Tuesday.

Blood pressure was good today too. I think is was 120/63 or 68. Also I'm up about 9 lbs since my last appointment. That's about 16lbs total. Not too shabby!

Good appointment overall. I go back to Seattle the heart place for a follow up in two weeks, then the following week I'll have my cervix checked again.

We're getting close!!

I get it now!

When I was going through all my infertility drama, during the treatments and the breaks, etc., I would notice almost all pregnant women seemed to constantly have their hand on their belly. Of course this would drive me crazy, like they were rubbing it in that they were pregnant and I wasn't - like their bulging belly wasn't enough of a reminder that I was broken - although they obviously didn't know what I was going through.

But, now, I think I get it.

I find myself with my hand(s) on my belly all the time and for different reasons:

While at my desk or lounging on the couch, if the babies are moving, I'll try to see if I can feel them on the outside;

While standing or walking, if I feel a contraction, I'll feel to see if it really is one, and;

While in the car, if I'm a passenger - and Hubby is driving, I'll put both my hands on my belly to keep them from getting sloshed around by his driving (which by the way, will need to change if he thinks he's driving MY kids around - lol).

******

Oh, and an update on the BH contractions I've been experiencing...

Work definitely seems to contribute to having more contractions. I've been diligently keeping track of how many I've had each day, since I had the "bad" day last Thursday. Here is my current breakdown:

Thursday - 10 or more (this is when I started keeping track)
Friday - 7 (I had 4 by 11am, so I went home at noon)
Saturday - 4
Sunday - 2
Monday - 7
Today - so far none, but it's only 10:30am.

I just have to get through today and tomorrow before my next appointment with the doc. I'm going to talk to him about what is going on, and of course depending on how my cervix is doing, I'd like to go to half days. Financially this would not be good, but the babies are more important at the moment and going to half days is better than not working at all. I only have about 10ish weeks to go, so in the grand scheme of things, that not that much longer.

My first early day

Today I left work early for the babies.

Yesterday was a bad day for BH contractions. The doc says I am allowed up to 10 a day and if I have more I need to call him. Well yesterday I'm pretty sure at at least got to 10 if not one or two over.

Today I decided I would take it easy and make myself sit at my desk at work and not do a bunch of running around. So many people at work have offered to do even the simplest things for me like filling my water bottle or getting documents off the printer for me. I normally hate asking for help, but today I was going to give in and let people help me. Well that didn't seem to help today. I had three by about 10am. I figured okay, I'll allow myself six and then I'll go home and relax. Well shortly after that I had another one. I decided to go talk to by boss and let her know I probably won't be staying the whole day. I told her why and she told me to go home now. At that time it was about 11:20, I decided I would leave at noon. So I did.

I came home ate some lunch and parked my keester in the recliner. I've probably had two or three more since I've been home, but I've been home for six hours...so I don't think that's so bad.

I did call my doc when I left the office just to let them know what's going on.

I'm only 25 weeks, I'd hate for anything bad to happen. I'm making myself swallow my pride and let people help me. Hubby has been so good. He was a little upset with me yesterday that I didn't leave work early, so I promised today I would be more careful.

I know I get them the most when my pelvis is really hurting me. It hurts me the most at work, because I'm sitting upright all day, so when I go to stand it is pretty painful then I contract. At home I'm reclined, with my feet up, so there is hardly any pressure at all on my pelvis. It is still uncomfortable to get up, but not as bad at all. I have a feeling that I'll be cut to half days sooner that later. In fact, at my appointment next week I'm going to let the doctor know I think that would be best. As much as it would suck financially, the babies are more important.

Now let me clarify the contractions I'm feeling. They aren't labor contractions, they are Braxton Hicks contractions. They aren't painful, but my uterus contracts and gets really hard. I have a hard time telling if I'm having one when I'm walking because my tummy gets tight when I'm standing anyway. If I feel like I might be having one while I'm walking, I stop and try to relax my tummy then push to see if it feels hard. I've also had a couple of these the last few night while I'm sleeping. It cramps so hard I wake up.

I'm assuming this weekend I'll be feeling better, since I'm pretty lazy on the weekends, then we'll see how next week goes. My appointment isn't until Thursday, so hopefully nothing happens between now and then. I'm so thankful my boss is treating me so good. The only thing she could do better is to get me a laptop (we have spares at the office) that has our database on it so I could work while I'm at home. That's the problem is the database. I guess they are concerned about security. Oh well...

Just checking in

Since it's been about a week since my last post, I thought I'd drop in and say hi.

Not much new going on these days. I had a bad heartburn all week last week, but it seemed to go away over the weekend. I'm also a massive pizza face lately. I'm blaming hormones and stress. I swear I didn't break out this bad even in high school, but whaduya do? Sadly, make up doesn't help much, and probably makes it worse.

I do have a baby shower planned. I never thought that I'd be able to have a baby shower of my own. I thought I would always be the attendee. This should be interesting. My mother is planning it for March 21. Invites are going in the mail this week. I can't believe it's almost March already, where has January and February gone?

March is going to go by fast too, I have a feeling. Each week there is something going on. We get to look at the babies again on the 4th. I can't wait to see them again and how much they've grown. They sure are kicking a lot these days. Sometimes, if they get me in just the right spot it almost hurts - they're strong lil' buggers. My bladder is also getting crowded. I feel like I'm spending half the day in the bathroom. I've been getting up about every two hours to pee at night.

Hubby also has his next surgery in about 2 1/2 weeks. Hopefully it won't be as invasive and he'll recover quickly. It will be nice to have both the surgeries behind us and be able to focus on the babies and getting ready for their arrival.

Well, I guess that about wraps it up for now. Ta ta!

A little sunshine

Finally some good news in our house!

Hubby had an appointment today with his surgeon. He decided to bump up his surgery from March 22 to the 11th. Not only does that mean he can have reversal surgery quicker, but he will have two more weeks of recovery time before the babies arrive!

Also, the surgeon is going to try to do laparoscopy surgery instead of slicing him open again. We are crossing our fingers, that would be a huge bonus!

And, just an update from my last post...I'm not in such a dark place as I was. Our situation hasn't changed, but I'm trying to not let it bog me down. I know this too shall pass and there is a reason for everything.

At least we have the babies

I have to admit. Life at our house has not been pleasant so far in 2010. Between Hubby's health, some financial issues, and my own ups and downs, life sucks. The only think keeping me from a breakdown is knowing my lovely baby girls need me to stay healthy and not stressed. It almost seems like they know when I start to freak. When my mind starts going wild I'll feel a good swift kick to my spine or my bladder and I remember, no matter what else is going on, I am so lucky.

I am lucky to have gotten pregnant on our last try.

I'm lucky to not only get pregnant with one baby but two.

I am lucky to be pregnant with two babies who are growing perfectly.

I am lucky to be growing healthy babies, and staying fairly healthy myself.

Staying healthy and keeping these babies all snug and warm in my belly is the most important thing. I have to remember that. The rest of life is just fluff and will work itself out one way or another. So many thing are out of my control, but I can control my mind and not allow myself to stress out.

I do also have to admit I don't know how to deal with it all. My first reaction to any confrontation is to avoid it and leave. I was so tempted to pack a bag last night and leave for a couple of days, just to get away from it all. I didn't. I know everything will be waiting for me when I return.

I don't want to get into details, but this year, other than the fact we are going to have two newborns in a few months, is going to be the most challenging year I know for me personally, but I'm sure for Hubby and our relationship.

Sorry for the vague and depressing post. I just needed to vent or something...

22w Appt

I had my "cervix check" appointment this morning. Cervix still looks good, although it is shorter than it was two weeks ago. Dr. M said he wasn't concerned at this point.

He checked the babies heartbeats and they are still pounding away good and strong. I got some pics of their heads/faces. One of them turned out really good and clear. The others are kind hard to decipher.

I told Dr. M about my pelvic pain, and he said that was pretty common and there isn't much to do about it. He said just do whatever makes me the most comfortable...which is for the most part, sitting. He suggested a support belt, but said it may or may not help. I think I'll pass.

Another thing we talked about was bed rest. He anticipates I'll cut my hours down to half days when I get to 28 weeks. Of course we'll see how things go, but I did talk to my boss about it today. That is only about 5 weeks away...

Well I think that's about it. It was a pretty short and sweet appointment. Speaking of sweet, at my next appointment in two weeks, I get to drink the lovely, sugary glucose drink. Yippee skippy. Oh, and he decided I needed to do that because my belly is measuring at 32, which is big even for twins at this time. I should only be about 26-27cm right now.

Okay, now I really think that's it.

Ta ta for now!

Snap, crackle, pop

Those would be the sounds of my hips. On Sunday night I was sleeping (one of the worst nights of sleep every, actually) and as I rolled over, something...my hip? back? pelvis?...something popped. It hurt bad.

The next day (yesterday) it hurt to walk around. I think my body is splitting in half already. As the day went on it got worse. Coworkers were even commenting that I was waddling. Thanks guys.

This morning I got up and I felt better, though not 100%. As the day went on today I started hurting again. It is a weird spot to hurt...it's like my groin area, but lower between my legs. It's weird. Anywho, we'll see if tomorrow is any better. I probably just pulled something weird. Or I'm growing two gigantic babies who are breaking my pelvis.

On another note. I watched the new 19 Kids and Counting show last night. The episode was about Michelle having to deliver her 24 week old baby. I definitely thought it was so sad when I first heard about it in December, but now that I'm 21 weeks...I can't imagine having to deliver in 3 weeks. They are so tiny and underdeveloped at that age. Ugh. I was all teary eyed while I was watching it.

And one more side note. My friend is bringing over some of her baby girl clothes on Friday for me to go through. I'm so excited. I can't believe I get to be one of those girls who gets to get hand me down clothes and set up a nursery and finally be able to relate to other moms. I'm so thankful.

Alright, that's all for now.

The name game

Hubby and I have decided on first names, but we are still trying to figure out middle names. Middle names are so useless. I was only ever called by my middle name if I was in trouble. I've wondered how it would effect the kiddos if they just didn't have a middle name. I think it would make life rough for them as adults since so many forms, credit, etc require a middle initial. We've gone through family names, but can't decide.

I'm going to reveal the two names we've picked out...and I ask that you pretty please, with sprinkles on top, let me know any suggestions you have for the middle names. Our last name has three syllables.

They are:
Baby A: Kaitlyn
Baby B: Natalie

Bring on the suggestions!

Crabby pants

I have been crabby this week. I know part of it is lack of sleep, but not only that I feel like I'm running around all the time.

I've had four appointments in the last week to go to, and that means missing work. I'm trying to save up my paid time, so I was trying to make up the missed hours by staying late and working through my lunch hour. By the time the end of the day rolls around I'm exhausted. Hubby isn't 100% yet, and he's spends most of his time laying in bed...so that means I'm forced to stay out in the "living area" with our 3 dogs. They are not allowed down the hall and can't be trusted to be left unattended, so that means I get to hang out with them. I would love nothing more than to come home from work and be able to veg out in bed watching TV. PLUS, since Hubby has come home from the hospital I've been camping out in the "nursery" with a mattress on the floor. It isn't horrible, but definitely not as comfortable as my real bed and I can hear the dogs in their crates, cars driving by, the furnace kicking on and off in the garage, etc. I do not sleep well in there. Not to mention trying to heave my growing body up off the floor in the middle of the night to pee...

To top it off this week two of our three dogs have been sick for a couple of days. Last night we were tag teaming cleaning up their vomit and poop. It was so gross. Tonight one of them is about 75% better, but the other one is still pretty sick. This week we've probably washed their bedding at least 5 times - no exaggeration. It is so frustrating, but obviously it's not their fault...

Last night I had the lights out and fell asleep about 9:30. At 10:30 one of the hounds started barking. I let him outside and went back to bed. I think I fell right back to sleep. Then at 2:30 another one started whining and scratching in his crate. I asked Hubby to check in on them. He did, but I couldn't fall back to sleep. I was probably 3:30 before I did. I had to get up a little early this morning to go to the dentist. I was a zombie all day. My brain was just mush. I kept making stupid mistakes and I even went to set my bowl of oatmeal on my desk and completely missed. Thankfully it landed flat on the floor and just splattered a little instead of turning over and dumping out. I only had a little to wipe off my pants.

Anyway, I suppose I should quit whining. I just feel like I'm so tired I'm on the verge of tears constantly. I'm sure some of you can relate. I'm tempted to take a Benadryl tonight and sleep for like 12 hours. Thank God tomorrow is Friday!

The gender scan...

We had our ultrasound today measuring the babes. It was a pretty thorough one. He looked for the chambers of the heart, the bladder, the stomach, measured the leg and arm bones, the scull, etc. Oh and he looked at the genders.

Drum roll please....they are both the same gender....

....he's about 80% sure...that...they...are...girls!!!

They were super squirmy and he had a hard time getting a good shot, but from the looks of it they don't have turtles. He said we'll check again in 4 weeks to see with 99% accuracy what they are.

I'm just in shock. I never imagined two girls. I thought boy/girl or boy/boy. When he said the first was a girl I thought for sure the second would be a boy. Believe me, I am very, very excited about girls, but part of me is sad that there isn't a boy. Oh well. I'm not complaining!!

Everything looked good today on the u/s. All the measurements looked good. Even my cervix was good. I think it was about 4.9 or something.

Next u/s is in two weeks to check my cervix again. I may even do a glucose test, or I may wait for 24 weeks. We'll see.

Blood Pressure Appointment

This morning I got up at 4:50am to get ready to head to Seattle for some testing at the Univ. of WA Medical Center. You may remember from my last OB appointment that my blood pressure was high once. I laid down for about 10 mins, and it came back down to normal. From that appointment, Dr. M decided to send me to the UW to have a specialist check me out.

I got up there a little early and they actually brought me back 15 mins before my scheduled appointment! That never happens! Anyway, I was brought back to a room where I laid on a bed and the nurse performed an ultrasound of my aorta and something else at the base of my neck. With some calculations she figured out that my blood pressure it high because I have so much fluid trying to get through. She compared it to a garden hose hooked to a fire hydrant.

Last week I collected my urine for 24 hours in a jug. From that they determined I already have protein in my urine. That is because the fire hydrant is pushing so much through the garden hose that it is causing small holes in my kidneys for proteins to spill out - or something like that.

I was sitting in a chair in the room and the doc had me move up to the table. I climbed up and he put his fingers on either side of my neck. He asked if I ever noticed throbbing in my neck when I stand up. I said sometimes. He said that is not normal. I could feel while his fingers were there that my pulse was pounding hard. He prescribed a low dose of Atenol (25mg twice a day) to help my bp. He said one possible side effect (of a regular dose) is a slow growth rate for the babies. So he will get the results from the u/s I'm scheduled to have on Monday and then I'll have another u/s before I go back to see him in 8 weeks and they'll compare the growth rate and determine what to do next.

My ankles have been swollen almost everyday in the last couple of weeks (it started when Hubs went to the hospital). It generally goes down overnight, but not always all the way. I need to make sure I'm not consuming too much salt, like canned soup, and prepackaged food, etc. I'm to stay on the perimeter of the grocery store when I shop. I generally do anyway, but I'll have to make more of an effort. I've also been told to lay down a couple of times a day to help my bp stay lower.

Of course I'm supposed to watch for warning signs like sudden swelling of my face, or ankles and fingers that don't go down at all over night. I'm also to call my doc if I see stars while sitting or standing (not necessarily when standing up from bending or sitting).

If things get worse, I'm assuming the next step is bed rest. If that doesn't work the only cure from preeclampsia/toxemia is delivery of the babes. I'm guessing I'm not in too much trouble at the moment since the UW doc doesn't want to see me again for 8 weeks. I just hope it stays that way.

Good news from the appointment, my glucose was fine. I got my finger pricked and it came back at 87 (I think we were looking for something below 100). I had eaten some yogurt and a banana in the car that morning. The nurse said that was plenty of sugar to raise it if I had a problem. I'm so glad it was fine.

My office has been really flexible with me. We have a couch in our break room and I can go down there whenever I want to lay down. We have an event coming up in a couple of weeks. I generally work about 16 hours that day. My boss told me she doesn't want me there this year. She'd rather I just stay at the office so I don't have to be on my feet or stress or lift anything unnecessary. Excellent!

Well I think that about wraps up my appointment. In other news my round ligament pain seems to have calmed down some. Although, I did get a baaaad charlie horse in my calf at about 1am this morning. It hurt so bad, and it even made my calf sore all day. I've also been feeling the babies more. I think *maybe* once I felt someone move on the outside. Everytime I feel strong movement I reach on my belly to try to feel something. Hubby is so jealous that I get to feel them all the time and he can't. I know it won't be too much longer until he can though.

My next OB appointment is on Monday. I'm crossing my fingers the babies won't be shy and we can see what gender they are. I can't wait to see them again!

Aight, that's enough blogging for now. I'll keep you posted on my appointment on Monday!!

Graco Stroller Recall

Pass this along...I just read it on our local news Web site:

http://www.komonews.com/news/consumer/82160822.html

A new experience

"Hello round ligament pain. It's so not nice to meet you."

I don't know if I just over did it, or if it was bound to happen anyway but this afternoon I was getting out of my car and holy moly! From around my groin-ish area up through my right side of my stomach is pain. If I walk around a little bit it gets better, but it's definitely the worst right when I stand up.

I called the doc just to make sure and the person I spoke to reassured me that it's normal. Dr. Google reassured me too. Seems to be pretty common to start during the second trimester.

Last night I hauled in a 30lb bag of dog food (normally Hubby would, but since he can't lift more than 10 lbs right now...). Then this morning for work I had to go to a seminar which involved me hauling in the materials (with a hand truck), setting up, and hauling it all away. It was after that when I got back into town that I experienced the pain.

I'm guessing it was inevitable, but probably last night an today made it happen sooner. Either way, not fun...

Anyway, I just thought I'd share. Now I'll get back to eating my lovely dinner of pistachios, cherries and chocolate ice cream (not at the same time of course!).

belated 16w u/s pic

Sorry I forgot to post these. I didn't get any new pics at my 18w appointment. Hopefully I'll get new ones at 20 weeks.

Enjoy!

18w appointment

**heavy sigh**

The babies are looking good, and so is my cervix. That, although super important, was the only good news I got at my appointment today.

When I got there I had to pee in the cup. I barely had any...again. No word if that came back bad, but I'm assuming no news is good news.

Then I stepped on the scale. I've lost two pounds since my last appointment. I know it is because of the stress of Hubby being in the hospital and running around like crazy. Hopefully, now that he's home, I can eat better again and more often.

Next was my blood pressure. It wasn't good. She checked it once, saw it was bad and tried it again. Still bad. I'm pretty sure it was 158/72 (I think). Anyway, not good. The nurse made me lay down for a bit and took it again. She said it went down to "normal", but didn't say what it was.

I finally went to my room and I told the doc that I thought I've been having some minor cramping in my lower uterus in the evenings for the last week or so. He did an u/s (I got to see the babies!) and they both looked good. Hearts are still a-beatin' and they have grown! No pics this time though :0(

He checked my cervix and that is still long and closed - hallelujah!

Okay now for some TMI...I asked him about some "discharge" issues. My discharge seems normal to me, but by the end of the day the crotch of my undies is just about black. I ask if it could be a chemical change or something? He said that my pap I had at my last appointment showed there was some inflammation. I am supposed to ask him about it at my next appointment and he'll take another sample and see if there is an infection. Fantastic.

He also told me I'm slightly anemic. So I finally picked up some iron. He said that anemia could also cause pre-term labor.

Lastly, since my blood pressure was high and I'm overweight, pregnant with twins and I'm only 18 weeks, he wants to send me to the Uni.versit.y of Was.hing.ton to have some hypertension tests done. To prepare for my appointment I get to collect my urine in this really awesome orange jug for 24 hours, then bring it to Dr. M's office, and have some blood drawn. They send the results to UW and then I go up to S.eatt.le for a couple hour appointment. Happy happy. Joy joy.

I think that about sums it up. I go next Thursday for my UW appointment and in two weeks for my next OB appointment. We're crossing our fingers we can find out the genders!!

Homecoming Eve?

I'm pretty sure Hubby is coming home tomorrow. I'm so confident I took the day off just so I could be there to take him home and settle him in. I'm so excited. I can't wait!

A Hubby Update

Sorry for any confusion if some of you saw an update posted a few days ago then it disappeared. I wrote it on zero sleep and decided later it was a little more information than I felt comfortable sharing. Anyway...

Hubby seems to be healing well. He's had all kinds of contraptions hooked up to him in the last four days. He seems to being progressing nicely though because one by one they each are being disconnected. As of tonight he is down to only his IV. His spirits seem to be a little better tonight too, so hopefully they stay that way.

I'm hoping he can come home by the weekend. He's on liquids right now and if that goes well he'll start eating solids and if things move through his guts like they are supposed to then I think that's when he can go home.

Just like when experiencing infertility you unexpectedly get a crash course in anatomy and the reproductive system, I have also gotten a crash course in nursing in the last few days. I've learned about drugs I've never heard of, and learned more about the digestive system than I ever cared too. It is a disgustingly amazing system.

I've gotten some sleep since when this all started New Year's Eve. I worked all day yesterday, but only about a half day today. I'm hoping to get back to a regular day tomorrow and visit Hubby on my lunch hour and after work. All the sitting and eating fast food (since I've been go-go-go lately) has made my ankles swell. They are mostly going down during the night, but not all the way. I am trying to keep up on drinking lots of water to flush myself out, and of course I'll get back to eating better soon. Plus I'm tired. When I do sleep all night I have wacko dreams about the hospital or someone sneaking into my house while I'm sleeping (I don't like to be home alone at night).

Anywho, overall things are going well. No complications so far. Fingers are crossed he can come home this weekend!

Please pray for my Hubby

He had to go in for emergency surgery on his colon tonight. Surgery went well, but they are having a hard time managing his pain. Not a great way to start the new year...

Please send a prayer or two up for him.

Thanks.

16w2d Appt

Let's start off with how my morning started. You gotta love Monday's especially after a long holiday weekend. I can never sleep on Sunday nights after a break. My mind races about things I have to do the next day, I'm paranoid I'll miss my alarm, etc. Last night was no different. I couldn't fall asleep. I ended up reading in bed until about midnight. The last time I looked at the clock it was about 12:20. I got up about three times to pee throughout the night. I was hot and flopping around. It was not fun. After about 5am I didn't sleep much because I kept looking at the clock. It's actually a good thing I did. I had double checked to see if I had set my alarm for the right time when I went to bed, but I never actually turned it on. I ended up getting up about 10 minutes before it was supposed to go off anyway.



I'm not sure if I've mentioned it before, but I've been super phlegmy lately. Every morning I'm blowing snot out of my head and hacking up nasties. Well this morning in the shower I start coughing to get out the crud, and I feel like I'm going to puke. Of course I don't want to puke in the shower, so I'm basically choking to avoid coughing anymore. I finally get out and can use the sink. I manage to finish getting ready, only gaging once while drinking water (for some reason I can only sip water in the mornings or else I gag...???). I go out to my car and it's frozen. So I start it up and get out to scrape windows etc. I start coughing again...and stopped myself from puking, but I couldn't completely calm down, my mouth was still watering. I go back in the car trying to breathe slow and calm down. Nope, didn't work. I jump out of the car and manage to get just off the driveway before I lost it. Happy Monday to me. I hope my neighbors didn't see.



Anyway, on to my appointment. I get there and have to fill out three pages of medical history, pee in a cup, step on the scale, check my blood pressure, a pap smear, a breast exam, two ultrasounds of the babes and my cervix. He manually checked my "birth canal". I was informed I had good birthing hips and could easily deliver a 9 pounder...thanks doc. I also got to have 5 vials of blood drawn. The only thing I didn't do was give a saliva sample and I think that would have completed all the samples I could give...The doc also informed my that I have very large breasts - really? Gee doc, I hadn't noticed. He asked me if the babies would ever see them. I said probably not. I don't want to commit to being tied to a chair all the time, but they will get as much breast milk as I can pump. He seemed happy with that.



He went though all the standard medical history questions and told me about the tests they were going to do with my blood. Everything seemed pretty routine. He said everything looked good. The babies are getting big. I can't even see their whole bodies on the u/s anymore. I got a good shot of both this time. They are both laying on their backs, face up. One of them you can even see the ribs. It's very cool. I'll post them in the next day or two. I have to get over to my MIL's for her to scan them.



He suggested I take an iron supplement. I also needed something extra for calcium since I'm only getting about 2 servings a day. He mentioned Tums, which is perfect because I've been eating those suckers every day for heartburn, so I'm good with that anyway. For the mucus issue, he suggested Claratin. I'll have to pick up some of that and see if it helps. If I can get that under control then I won't be coughing, then gaging then puking almost everyday.



Well, I think that's the full recap. I'll be going in every two weeks for them to check my cervix. Hopefully we'll get to see the babes again too. I love watching them on the u/s screen.

Preparing the nursery

We have (mostly) emptied out the room that will be the nursery. All that's left in there are two items that are too heavy for me to help move, and some stuff in the closet. I was really concerned about the size of the room. I didn't think I'd be able able to get two cribs, a dresser and a glider chair in there comfortably. Well, after taking out the full size bed, the 40 some odd inch TV, and all the other junk that was in there, it really makes it feel bigger. We just have my cedar hope chest and TV stand to move..but they're both heavy.

We did all that cleaning on Saturday. Sunday we brought in one of the cribs we got and managed to assemble it without instructions and without killing each other. It's actually a pretty nice crib. One side slides up and down, the mattress can be lifted up higher, and there is even a drawer on the bottom for storage. Amazingly we had all the parts and figured out where they all went. It's a Christmas miracle - lol.

We've decided we'll only use one crib for at least the first few months, until they roll around too much and disturb the other's sleep. From what I've read online that could last from 2 months to 6 months. Doesn't matter to me, we have crib number two in the garage and can put it together when needed.

I also went through the clothes and pulled out the items that are gender neutral. My mom offered to "pre-treat" them for stains and stuff - and I know she's itching to get her hands on some baby clothes. There were actually quite a few items that could be neutral. I wish boys could wear jean skirts, one of the items is an overall skirt with leather fringe at the bottom. it is SOOOO cute. I really want a girl just so she could wear that outfit with some little boots. Ah! Cute!

I'm really dying to find out their genders...hopefully they won't be shy when the time comes! I have restrained myself and have not purchased one baby item. I just can't bring myself to do it until I know what they are.

I can't wait!

The announcement...

So, this morning we had our quarterly staff meeting. It is a mandatory meeting, so all 35is staff were there. At this particular meeting, the president of the association I work for gives out the awards to employees who have been there for 5 year, 10 years, etc. This year is my 5th. So he calls my name, I go up to the front to accept my (actually really nice) embroidered jacket, and he says something about do I want to share my news...

Well of course I couldn't say no - although I really wanted to! I hate speaking in front of people. It was bad enough earlier when we had to go around the room and introduce ourselves to the new employees who have started int he last few months. So I say something like "uh, ya, um, so I'm pregnant with twins!" Every claps, etc. It was nice, but dang, I was embarrassed. Thanks Mr. President :0)

Last night, some of the staff (about 15 of us) and their spouses, went to a local bar/restaurant to do some socializing outside of work. Well, one fairly new guy brings his wife. I totally recognized her from my doctor's office. She actually works for a company who helped re-brand our company, so I have been in meetings with her before. Anyway, I thought when I saw her at the doctor's office I recognized her, but I never thought that she and this new guy were married (their last name is pretty common). Anyway, as soon as I saw her and made the connection my heart went out to them. They were going to Dr. M for the same reason, to get knocked up. A coworker I was sitting by (who referred me to Dr. M) told me this couple had been trying for a really long time and are now talking about adoption as they are approaching their 40's.

All of this is to say that when I "had" to make my announcement this morning, I felt really guilty, because I know the feeling of trying for so long and hearing other people getting pregnant. I really want to go up to him and explain that I know what he and his wife are going through and explain how I got pregnant. I can't though, because I'm sure he wouldn't appreciate me finding out their situation from another coworker...

Anyway, it's been an interesting morning, and that was just the staff meeting. We have our holiday party starting in about an hour, and that is always interesting too.

Update

I just wanted to let ya'll know that things seem to be completely back to normal since the scare on Monday. I haven't spotted again since that morning (thank God!). Although, I practically check the toilet paper with a microscope every time.

I never did go in to see the doctor about it. I figured it's pretty "normal" and it wasn't red and there was no cramping. Poor Hubby has been pretty freaked about the whole thing. It made it worse that the poor guy had a dream shortly before I came home that morning that I miscarried both of them at 20 weeks. It's put him in a funk the last couple of days. I'm trying to stay positive for him and convince him that all's good in the hood...I know we'll both feel better after my next appointment. It seems like forever until then (the 28th). Darn holidays got in the way! :0)

Well, I gotsta get back to work. Just wanted to give you quick update.

Helluva morning!

This morning was a scary morning. I woke up (with a lingering headache from the night before), I went to the bathroom and discovered...spotting. I was so scared! It wasn't bright red, but it was pink. I know brown spotting is pretty normal, but I didn't know about pink. The whole time I was in the shower I prayed and prayed that everything would be fine.

When I got out of the shower I checked again, and there was less spotting. Then debated whether to just call the doctor's office when they opened or just go there before I go to work. While I was debating I brushed my teeth. Of course, I ended up throwing up. There was nothing to throw up, it was mainly dry heaves, but it made me nervous that the force of my stomach muscles would make me bleed more. Before I left the house I checked again. Nothing. I decided then I would just call the doctor when I got to work.

I called and said I started spotting pink blood this morning, but it stopped. The lady I talked to said as long as it wasn't red and it stopped then not to worry, but to call back if it came back. Well of course the stress and the worry aggravated my headache and it got way worse. I was hungry but couldn't bring myself to each much so the combination was bad for work. I just couldn't concentrate and I was on the verge of tears all morning.

Finally at 11am I asked my boss if I could leave. I just was not being productive and my head was screaming. She told me to go ahead and go. I came home and crawled into bed with hubby and started crying and told him what happened. He just rubbed my back and consoled me. He told me I to call the doctor's office again just to make sure what happened was normal or if I should come in and have an u/s done or something. Especially since my next appointment is still two weeks away, we would both be worry the whole time.

I called and the same lady I talked to earlier reassured me to not worry. She said spotting happens a lot, and as long as it isn't red and I don't have cramping than everything should be fine.

So here I am at home. Hoping my headache goes away soon and of course going to the bathroom every 20 minutes to make sure all it clear. So far so good.

14 weeks, and what a day!

I did it, I finally did it. I bought maternity clothes today. My mom and I ventured a little north to Mo.ther.hood and I got some tops and a couple pairs of pants. I hate clothes shopping and maternity clothes shopping isn't any different. Pants are hard for me. If I find them to fit in the waist they are too short (I'm nearly 6ft tall). I did find one pair of jeans and one pair of work pants that will work. I really wanted at least two work pants...but I guess I can always go back later.

My mom made her first purchase of baby stuff today. While I was trying on clothes she stumbled upon little ducky and cow socks. They are so darn cute. The duck ones have little pom poms on the heel and the cow ones have little cow tails on the heel. Cute! She whipped them out a couple of times while we were in the car to look at them. She's so funny.

In the meantime, while we were shopping my MIL was doing a little shopping too. Her boyfriend has a cousin who has 2 year old twins. They were looking to get rid of some of their stuff so my MIL went up to Seattle to pick up stuff for us. She brought back two cribs, clothes, high chairs, strollers, and some other odds and ends. She got it all SUPER cheap. I'm so excited. It is so weird to have baby items in my house that are mine and not going to someone else at their shower or something. The couple who had twins had boy/girl twins, so we got a combination of both for the clothes. Either way we'll get to use some if not all of it.

It was a very good day. Now we just need to clean out the room that will be the nursery. I can't wait to start on it. I want to have it done in plenty of time for me to sit in there and daydream of the babies...

13w3d

I can't believe I'm at 13 weeks already. My, my, how the time is flying.

Good news - my "morning" sickness is pretty much gone (knock on wood, cross my fingers!). Of course smells still make be feel nauseous, and I'm still mucoussy, so I gag a few times a day, but other than that I'm not sick. Yay!

Although, financially I really hope I don't have to go on bed rest too early or even at all...I'm secretly hoping I do, because work kicks my butt. I can't believe how tired I get. I work in a freakin' office and sit at a desk most of the day. Granted, I don't think I'm getting enough sleep during the week, so I'm sure that contributes to it, but man, by the end of the day I'm pooped. On the weekends I've been averaging about 12 hours of sleep at night. During the week I get maybe 7-8. I've always required a little more sleep than the average though. If I could get 9-10 I felt good.

My appetite hasn't changed much. I'm still pretty ravenous, but nothing sounds good. I eat a lot of cold cereal, fruit...and some cheese or peanut butter crackers. That's about it. Cooking food in the house still grosses me out. In fact almost every night when hubby sticks his usual chicken strips and tater tots in the oven, I either go to bed, or turn on the hood fan and crack a window to get the stank out. Seriously. Ew. And those two things in real life don't stink. I know. Crazy.

I talked with my boss yesterday a little about possible dates when I would go on maternity leave. I think she was a little surprised at the wide range of time it is. Basically, if I went on bed rest at 28 weeks, which is what the doc told me to prepare for just-in-case, I could be leaving mid March. My goal of 32 weeks puts me in mid April, and if I get so lucky to go to "term", 36 weeks, that's mid May. So really...we just need to be prepared for anything starting in March. The other person who works in my department with me, and would be mostly my back up while I'm gone, is going on maternity leave in about two weeks. Thankfully though, she'll be back in full swing by February, so we're covered :0)

Hm...I'm trying to think of any other updates... Oh, I still haven't gotten maternity pants yet, although now I'm getting desperate. I have them all in my virtual shopping cart, and I'll be able to "check-out" on payday. Yay!

Well folks, that's all I can think of at the moment. I hope you are all enjoying the holiday season!

12w6d appt

All is still good. We did a belly u/s this time. I was more comfortable, but much much less clear. It was hard to see the little buggers. Doc had a hard time measuring them too. He even said how he was embarrassed at the quality of the u/s. They both had good heart beats. I asked about getting to hear them and he said with twins he relies on the u/s, because when you hear them you don't know who's is who's and if you are listening to the same one twice. I get it, but it still would be nice to hear.

He also elaborated a little about how to be ready for bed rest at 28 weeks - just in case. Also, our next goal is 32 weeks. Hubby asked about the gender scan. Dr. M said at 20 weeks they'll be able to tell us with 85% accuracy, and at 24 weeks at 99% accuracy.

My next appointment is in 3 weeks and he said we'll do a full prenatal appointment with my health history, blood draw, and other stuff I can't remember. I'll be 16 weeks then. Wow!

That's about it. Oh, someone asked about belly pics...ya, not going to happen. Maybe when I'm huge, but right now I look like a fat girl who's getting a little fatter...so not much to see.

Well, I hope you all have a great weekend! Ta ta for now!

Elastic is my friend

Today for work, I finally got smart and decided to wear my black skirt - with an elastic waist! Duh! Why didn't I think of that before? I have this one that's long, another shorter one and two dresses I could wear. Hello! I am so much more comfortable today! These four items will do until Friday, which is when I will once again don my jeans with the rubber band around the button (yay for casual Fridays!). This buys me another week to get by without purchasing maternity clothes.

All weekend I wore sweats, with the exception of two hours on Saturday when I left the house to do a little shopping.

It was actually a pretty quiet long holiday weekend. Thursday I visited my parents for a couple of hours, then Hubby and I went to his mom's for dinner. I was actually able to eat dinner and felt good afterward! I was afraid I'd have a "sick" day, but it was great! We ate, watched football, ate some pie, and vegged on the couch. Perfect! Friday I dinked around the house cleaning and putting fall decor away. Saturday I shopped for about two hours hunting down the items I needed for gifts and put up Christmas decoration. Sunday I never even put a bra on (sorry, TMI). I managed to do two loads of laundry, but that was it. Other than that I watched a LONG marathon of Amer.ica's N.ext T.o.p Mo.del. It was great.

What was not great was waking up to my screeching alarm this morning. Booo! I enjoyed my 10-11 hours of sleep each night. Good news though, I'm not dragging today, thankfully. I've been really busy, so that hasn't given me time to get sleepy. I'm sure I'll sleep good tonight though!

In baby related news, I think I've felt the first flutters of movement. It's probably been a week or so now since I first noticed it. It's not strong and only happens occasionally, but I'm convinced it's my little beans moving around.

Well, that's about it. I have my appointment on Friday - feel like it's been forever since my last one. I can't wait to see how much they've changed.

I hope you all had a great weekend - I can't believe tomorrow is December already!!!

Thanksgiving Eve

I figured I'd get this posted today since I know I won't be home tomorrow to do it. This year has been quite the roller coaster. Possibly the biggest ride of my life. Strangely though, as much as I hated my fertility journey, I can't help but be a little thankful for it. Experiencing all the treatment, emotional and physical pain, and the stress has brought me closer to God and to my husband.

I have never prayed so much as I have this year - particularly the last several months. Although I didn't always get what I asked for at the time, I did feel His comfort and peace when I needed it the most.

My husband and I have grown so close during this time. It has been hard on both of us. He has been so supportive and as understanding as he can be. I can already see the kind of father that he will be and it makes me choke up with happiness. We've been though a lot of trials since our wedding 4 years ago, and we always seem to pull out of it together and stronger than ever.

I'm also thankful for the support I've had from my mother-in-law, my friend Rita, a couple of new(er) friends Heather and Amanda, and my coworker Jen. They all have been there for me to talk to or offer advice or sympathy. I've really appreciated having people to be able to talk too, even if they can't totally relate to what I'm going through, they've been there. And that's important.

Of course I can't leave out my doctor. He is quirky, a little strange, and his office staff drive me crazy...but however they are, they did their job. I'm pregnant. I never thought I would say those words, but it's true. Dr. M actually took the time to review my situation at every appointment and to make adjustments as he saw fit. I'm very thankful for that.

And last, but not at all least, the blogger world! I cannot thank you all enough. Not only the comments I've received, but being able to read others' stories of success and continued treatment has really helped me feel not so alone, and has given me hope for myself. Thank you bloggy friends, you mean so much to me!

So thank you all, this has been quite the year. I hope you all have a wonderful day tomorrow.

11w3d

...and not much has changed.

I was really hoping this week I'd start that uphill climb out of the nausea and vomiting. No such luck. In fact, I think the last week I've been worse. I had been averaging vomiting about once or twice a week, but this week I've lost it three times in the last five days. I just never thought that "morning sickness" would be this way. I thought I'd be sick for a couple of hours and then totally fine the rest of the day. Not so much. It's more like feel good for an hour, crappy for two, etc.

Work makes me miserable, and I don't even do hard work. I sit in a chair at my desk for most of the day. I think having to be up and walking around and talking etc. makes me more tired. I know it sounds pathetic, but these days all I want is to have my elastic waisted sweats on and recline or lay down. I have my desk chair leaned back as far as it will go, but that doesn't make typing very ergonomic. Oh well, at least it takes the pressure off my tummy and my belt. :0)I still have not gotten any maternity pants, although I REALLY need to. I've moved down three notches on my belt already.

So far pregnancy is no barrel of monkeys, but I know I will endure and my reward at the end will be more than worth it.

I do have to say though, I've been reading some blogs on twin parenting and pregnancy. They are scaring me :0)

So sleepy today...

I'm so tired today. My eyes are burning they want to close so bad. I slept so awesome two nights ago I thought last night could be the same. Sadly not.

I sleep with a air conditioning unit in the window - running on just the fan when it's not hot. The noise blocks out the neighborhood noise and the occasional train. Even the TV when hubby has it loud in the living room. Anyway, we've had some pretty gnarly wind storms coming through this week, so last night as I'm trying to fall asleep the power kept flickering which made the a/c power off then come back on. This of course kept me awake. Then of course there is the getting up to pee a couple of times. Then I had to get up for water because I forgot to bring a glass back with me. And the icing on the cake? The living room smoke detector started chirping sometime in the night. Apparently it's ready for the batteries to be changed. Every time it chirped I woke up. Add it all together and you get a pretty crappy night of sleep.

I was already tired this morning, but now it is worse. I had a fun little vomiting episode at work this morning too. So my stomach and back muscles are sore on top of it. I can't wait to go home. I might even take a nap!

On a side note, I don't know if it is the change in the weather or if it's pregnancy related, but I am so phlegmy lately. Okay, this is gross...I can't really blow it all out I have to hack it up...and I think that's what made me vomit this morning. I could feel the crud in my throat and I went to the bathroom to "expel" it and that lead to gagging and then some pretty bad vomiting. Anyway, it sucks to have a head full of that crap every day - although it's the worst in the morning.

That's all for now. I figured I'd blog for a few minutes to try and keep me from laying my head down on my desk...that took all of five minutes. Three more hours to go...

10w4d appointment

There are the pics!

Appointment went good - yay! The two little gummi's were flipping around and moving all over when the doc was trying to measure them. He measured their neck for signs of down syndrome - I forget the name at the moment. They both looked great. The doc offered to have to do blood tests for DS, but I declined. I don't see a point.

Anyway, now they are about an inch and a half long. About double from two weeks ago. I go in for another u/s in two weeks! Hopefully this one we can do on the tummy. We tried today, but could only see the sacs.

Ta ta for now!

Adorable Dr. Seuss themes!

I know, I know, I should be working, but I just had to tell you about this awesome Web site! It's Design Dazzle she has awesome pictures of nurseries, kids rooms and teenagers rooms. She also has baby shower ideas. I just had to share this one...

http://designdazzle.blogspot.com/2009/07/baby-shower-ideas-dr-seuss.html

Look at those Thing 1 and 2 cupcakes! Aren't they just the cutest!

This is the nursery. I love the mural, and the dresser!

http://designdazzle.blogspot.com/2009/10/sweet-dr-seuss-nursery.html

I've never considered a Dr. Seuss theme, but looking at this has me thinking...

I think they hate me already

My two little inch long babies are kicking my butt! Shame of me for thinking that I was doing better! On Saturday I finally ventured out and left the house for a while. A whole three hours. This is the first time in almost a month that I left the house on a weekend to go somewhere other than the grocery store.

I decided on Friday night to make some stew. While it was simmering in the oven for two hours the aroma permeated the house. And I got nauseous. The smell of the beef and the onions and the garlic was so gross! I couldn't wait for it to be done so I could cool it down and throw it in the fridge. After it made it to the fridge I couldn't get the smell out of the house. It was too cold to open windows so I lit candles. Then the house smelled like peaches, vanilla, and stew. Mmm...

Anyway, back to Saturday. I decided since my mom has been busy with doing these bazaars/craft shows whoring some S.centsy products, and my dad has been off hunting, that I would bring the stew to their house for them to eat. So I drove down to their house, then up to Olympia to visit her at her event. Then I was off to shop for some materials for the Christmas presents I'm attempting. I can't talk about it on here because there are some peeps who read this who will be receiving my attempted craftiness. I went to a few stores looking for stuff. I quickly lost steam after picking up only one of the items I needed. By the time I got home I was exhausted and my head was pounding. We ordered some Chinese for dinner and I feel asleep on the couch about 7:30. At 8:30 my head was still pounding after taking some Tyl.enol and I was nauseous, so I went to bed.

I slept until about 9:30 on Sunday - I guess I was that tired. I got up and had to eat right away because I was feeling pukey and I was starving. I ate a couple of Eggos...and then about a half an hour later I lost the down the drain. I proceeded to vomit for several minutes straight. The whole day I was on the verge of losing it again. I managed to eat a little here and there, but kept getting up and running to the kitchen sink. Thankfully I didn't puke again, but man, it was close.

Now, Monday, I am home. I didn't go to work today. I wasn't feeling too hot, and there was nothing at work that had to be done so I chilled for the day. I've had a queasy stomach, but no close calls so far.

I think the worst part of the nausea is the burping along with it, it's like a hiccup/burp...so gross and I'm always scared I'm going to barf when I do that. Ugh. Pregnancy is so glamorous!

Ultrasound on Wednesday - woohoo!

In other news...

My first post this morning was just supposed to be a recap of what's going on, how I'm feeling etc. Well, it went a different direction, and that's fine. I guess I needed to get that off my chest.

But in other news, I'm actually feeling better than I have the last couple of weeks. For a while I was super nauseous for a few hours in the morning. On the verge of vomiting the whole time. Then I'd feel okay for the afternoon and then after dinner I'd be laid out on the couch for the night.

This week THANKFULLY, I'm doing better. I'm still a little queasy in the morning, but it nothing like it was. Mostly, I'm really mucousy and trying to get rid of that in the mornings makes me gag and come close to puking. I do for sure have to eat something either before I leave the house or in the car on the way to work. If I wait too long it makes me really sick. My breakfast of choice has been a bagel and cream cheese. Then when I get to work I have a banana or an apple or something. I've discovered that peanut butter doesn't like me anymore. I still like it, but it makes my stomach hurt.

Smells are still really bothering me. It seems I've adopted my basset hounds nose. I can smell other peoples food from a mile away. Perfume is especially bad.

I've managed to make dinner twice this week. I made some minestrone soup, which tasted pretty good, but I can't bring myself to eat the left overs so they are going in the freezer tonight. I also made a roast with potatoes and carrots and that was super yummy. I scarfed almost half of it the first night, hubby at a little (he's been sick :0() and then I polished it off the next day. I have the fixin's for beef stew, but I didn't manage to get that prepared last night to go in the crock pot today, so that will have to be dinner tomorrow. I'm not normally a huge beef eater. I like it and I do eat it occasionally, but normally we have chicken for dinner. Lately, I've had a hard time with chicken, so I'll eat what I can. It beats the toast, Eggos, and cold cereal I lived off of for the first few weeks.

On one more note - finding maternity clothes sucks. I hate clothes shopping anyway, because I'm tall and well, wide. It's hard to find stuff that fits and looks okay. I was dreading having to find maternity pants, but I had no choice since I've already had to start wearing mine unbuttoned with a rubber band about the button and hole. It turns out it is really hard to even find a store that carries maternity clothes to begin with. I've tried Sh.opko, Wal.mart, K.ohls, and Tar.get so far. I have Se.ars, JC.Penny, and Ol.dNa.vy left to try before I start hitting up Mo.therhood, etc. I have a hard time justifying spending a bunch of money on clothes I'm going to wear for less than a year. But really, what choice do I have. My rubber bands only stretch so far :0) I did look at belly.bands or whatever they're called at T.arg.et, but of course they didn't have my size...

I think that's about it for now. Of course my hiney is still recovering from all the shots, and it's still tender, but I'm loving going to bed every night when I want and not having to wait for Hubs to get home from work to inject me!

On that note, I better get back to work. Two hours left before the weekend! Woohoo!

P.S. Tomorrow I'm 10 weeks already!!!! Next u/s is on Wednesday!

Not myself

I have debated about writing about this for a little bit now for fear of having rotten vegetables thrown at me, but...

Other than the initial excitement about getting a positive pregnancy test, and of course finding out that it's twins, I have not been excited about this pregnancy at all. Shame on me, I know. I mean seriously, how many years have I been trying for this. How much time, money and tears have been spent. Believe me, it's not that I'm not grateful for getting here, and up until recently I had no idea why I was feeling this way. I have discovered though, it is fear. I am so scared about bringing two little helpless babies into this world. Not only sustaining them and growing them through the next 6-7 months, but what about the time after they're born? What about the next 18 years? If having one baby isn't scary enough, we will have two.

Financially as it is right now, things are tight. We bought a house three years ago with a ridiculously high interest rate. I looked into refinancing, but for different reasons, we aren't able to lower our payment. This will no do. We have to do something. We need to move. I can't imagine us surviving the way things are now, much less with two little babies to take care of. Of course Hubby "doesn't want to think about it right now", but sorry bub...we ain't got much time.

I think I'm just a little stressed about the future. I'm the type of person who like to have things all planned out and squared away. I can't plan anything. I can't plan my time off work because who knows when these two munchkins will arrive. I can't plan the nursery, because I doubt we will be in this house. I can't plan an a place to move, because who knows when we'll sell - or if.

I know this is supposed to be a joyous time in my life. I'm supposed to be enjoying being pregnant and planning for our future, but I just can't. I get a sick feeling everytime I get an email from b.aby.cen.ter with how I'm progressing this week. Time is going really fast.

I find myself faking joy everyday when I'm bombarded by coworkers asking how I'm feeling and telling me how excited they are for me and are they boys are girls, what do we want to name them, etc. I just can't get into it. Even Hubby is more excited than I am, and he's usually the one who stresses about things to come. I just feel like such an asshole. I don't want to complain. I feel like I'm taking this for granted, but right now, it seems like more of a burden than anything.

I'm sorry, I know it's horrible, but it's how I feel. Maybe my hormones will shift again and in a week or so things will change.

Please hold on your your heads of lettuce and tomatoes, I feel bad enough already.

Oh happy day!

If I could do cart wheels I would!!

Dr. M just called (yes, at noon on Sunday) and said my progesterone looks great and I don't need to do the shots anymore!!!! I am so happy! It's so good in fact, I don't even have to have it tested anymore. I just go back for my ultrasound the week after next.

We've been doing these injections since September 19.

So happy!

P.S. This is my 200th post! I can't believe I've posted so much in the last 15 months. I love blogging and reading blogs, it's been such a good outlet. I'm so thankful for all you fellow bloggers, readers, and commenters!!

Bummed

I had my progesterone tested on WEDNESDAY! I have still not heard from the doctor. I knew they wouldn't get my results until Thursday, so yesterday I had my phone attached to my hip. No call. I waited until this afternoon, but still nothin. I finally called and the nurse told me my level went up from 53 last week to 59. I'm so happy, but...

She said to continue doing what I'm doing until I hear from Dr. M. I was expecting a call today, but now it's 8pm and still no call. I guess I will have to continue the shots until at least Monday. I'll call again if I haven't heard...or maybe I'll continue until my next test on Wednesday.

Sigh.

8w4d appointment

I had another u/s appointment today. Everything is still looking good. I still haven't been able to hear the heartbeats, but we saw them again today flickering away!

I had my progesterone test this morning, but they won't get the results back until tomorrow, so I have at least one more injection left...

Sorry I haven't posted much lately, there really hasn't been much to report. I'm still nauseous and starving all the time. Although, I haven't vomited since last Friday, so that's good. I've been extremely lazy and tired. My two 15 minute breaks at work are my nap times. I go down to our breakroom and lay on the couch and sleep for at least 10 mins. At home I change into my pj's right away and veg out on the couch for the night. I have been sleeping better, so that's a bonus. I'm not tossing and turning like I was. I am still getting up a couple of times a night to pee though.

I think that is about it. I have another appointment in two weeks, and I'm to continue my progesterone blood draws once a week.

OH!! I did get vaccinated for H1N1 while I was at the doctor's office today. I was really on the fence about it, so I decided I'd leave it up to the doc. If he insisted I'd do it. He firmly told me I needed it and I should get it before I left. So I did. I figure this way I don't have to stress about catching it and running from every cough or sneeze I hear.

Okay, really, I think that's it. Now on to the fun part - pictures!

They are still measuring 2 days apart, but the doc is not concerned. He said that is very normal, and it is still a little hard to measure since they are so small. Although two weeks ago they were grains of rice, now they are almost an inch long!

Progesterone Test

Dr. M called and left me a vm this morning. My progesterone went back up to 53 from 40 last week. He said to lower my dose to 1/2 cc and and have another test next Wednesday. If that number is still high we might be able to stop the injections!! I hope so! I have forgotten what it feels like to NOT have a sore hiney!

Anyway, just wanted to give a quick update...

H1N1 vaccine

I am sooo on the fence on this one. When I went in for my blood draw this morning I was informed they now have the vaccine in their office. I was secretly hoping that they wouldn't get it for a long time so I wouldn't have to decide if I should get it or not.

I'm mostly leaning towards no. I know that being pregnant lowers my immune system, but I have no underlying conditions. I'm not far enough along for the babies to be pushing on my lungs and restricting my breathing. I have never in my adult...or teen life had the flu that I can remember. I know the biggest issue with H1N1 is that it is a new strain of the flu that we are not immune to, like some of the seasonal bugs, and it is more contagious.

I realized today that for the last four years we've been trying to have a baby. God chose this year, this time of the year, for me to get pregnant. Not that I think I have some divine immune system or anything, but I don't think He would choose this time and then have me die of H1N1. I have been doing a lot of research, but I have a hard time trusting anything the government says. I'm not some conspiracy theorist, but I just can't blindly trust them. Of course everyone and their mother has an opinion about the vaccine. I'm asking for yours. What would you do? Would you get it? Not get it? Why?

I'm also lucky because my office knows about my pregnancy and they are doing all they can to protect me. No one is allowed to use my computer or my phone unless necessary and if they do then they are to tell me so I can disinfect it. They have put disinfecting wipes at all common areas such as copiers, fax machines, the kitchens, etc. On Friday we are having the staff bring their kids in to "trick or treat" around the office. During those few hours I'm going into hiding. I have a project I'm going to work on behind closed doors. I don't need any snot-nosed kids getting my sick :0)

I also think I am exposed to the public less than some. I'm pretty much a homebody. Other than doing the grocery shopping or running errands occasionally, I'm at home. I'm an avid hand washer and I keep hand sanitizer in my purse.

Anyway, I wanted to throw this out there and see what y'all think. I'd love to hear your opinions. I'm planning to talk about this with my doc next week when I have my u/s...

7w3d

Not much has changed since my last post. I'm still going between starving and nauseous. Yesterday was the first time I tossed my cookies though. I was brushing my teeth before work and I lost it. I have been really close a few times since then, but thankfully I've held back.

I can't believe how lazy I've been. All weekend I was basically on the couch. Hubby and I did run to my parents and his mom's for a bit and we did some grocery shopping on Saturday, but that was it. And I was pooped Saturday night. I think I was in bed by 9:30.

I'm still doing 1cc of the PIO injections. I go tomorrow for a blood draw to check my progesterone levels. Hopefully I'll be done with those suckers soon!

I feel like Ms. Pig.gy lately, I think about every 2 hours or so I have to eat and sometimes I'm not satisfied afterward. I have to be really careful what I am stuffing in my face especially with having to eat so often. Yesterday I splurged and had a cheeseburger thinking that would stay with me longer. Nope. I was hungry again a couple of hours later. And when I say hungry, I don't mean I have the munchies. It is a hunger that makes me want a whole meal!

Work has been torture. For one, I'm not too busy. I have little piddly things to do, but nothing that forces me to keep working non-stop. I find that I sit and stare out my window for 10 mins at a time. Or check my email or blogger 15 times a day. I just feel so crappy and tired I'd LOVE it if I could be at home laying on the couch.

I'm really looking forward to seeing my little grains of rice on the monitor next week.

Feeling like poo

Although I was expecting morning sickness, I didn't really know what to expect. Even though I haven't thrown up yet, I've felt like I've been on the verge for a few hours already today.

Last week is when it started, but it was just off and on for short spurts throughout the day. Now, it is for most of the day. I have to eat small meals often because if I eat too much I feel sick and if I get hungry I feel sick. Last night I made some chicken, green beans and some pasta...it smelled good while I was cooking it, but when it came time to eat it sounded so gross! I choked some of it down, but I was so hungry I knew I had to eat. I ate as much as I could then half an hour later I got myself a bowl of Chex.

Yesterday was by far the hungriest I've been too. I felt like a bottomless pit. I was telling a couple of my friends today how it is even possible for two little beings the size of a grain of rice can suck the life right out of me already? Believe me I do not want to complain about this one bit. I know it is temporary, and if I want a baby...or two...I will have to endure. It doesn't make it all rainbows and sunshine though :0)

I came into work 2 1/2 hours late today. I woke up so exhausted because I haven't slept well for the last 3 weeks or so. I decided if I was going to be nauseous, which I knew I would, I didn't want to be exhausted too. So I slept until 9:30 this morning then got ready and was to work by 10:30. Since then, I've felt pretty crummy. I had some breakfast before I came in, and for the last 1/2 hour I've been nibbling on a tiny cup of applesauce. All I wanna do is lay down :0)

Thanks goodness it's Friday! I have two whole days to be lazy!

The Picsas!

Here they are in all their blurry glory! Ladies (and if there are any gentlemen out there), I present to you Baby A and Baby B!

Seeing Double!!

You read right. There are two beautiful flickering heartbeats! Hubby and I are so excited! I have a baby A and baby B picture to post, but I have to figure out how to block out some info first. I'll get those posted for you tomorrow. Of course you can't see much, they are just little blobs in the picture, but on the live u/s the heartbeats were awesome! We didn't get to hear them, but we got to see the little flickers.

I have to continue my PIO injections (bummer) and I go next week to do a progesterone test. Then another u/s the next week. I can't believe this is happening. I am in dreamland right now.

Well, I'm off to start day dreaming of names, and nurseries and books to read...

I decided to battle, and I won

Actually, it wasn't much of a battle at all.

Like I said in my previous post, having my mom go the appointment was bugging me since she asked. After posting I decided I might as well call her. It is obviously important to me if I kept dwelling on it. I didn't even need to grow a pair. I figured she'd understand, and if she didn't it was her problem.

I called my parent's house and my dad answered the phone. My mom wasn't home so he said he'll have her call me. About 15 mins later she called. I simply asked her if she wouldn't mind if we went alone to the appointment. She said no problem! She said she understands it's a intimate thing and that is why she asked if it was okay. I told her I felt bad because I knew she was excited. She really was okay with it, believe me, I can tell from her tone. I promised I would call her as soon as we were done.

I'm so relieved. Yes, I was mad that she is only choosing to be involved in the "good stuff", but it also was the fact that so much of the fertility treatments are not personal and private. I wanted to have a moment with Hubby to share (even though the doc and the nurse will be there - and of course I will be probed). Still...I think you know what I mean.

I feel so much better. Like there is a weight lifted from my chest. Ah...

Picking my battles

My mother...

I've mentioned her before and her lack of interest in all my "depressing" fertility treatments. Although I tried not to let it bother me, it really made me sad, that I could never go to my mom for support.

Now, that I am apparently pregnant (still can't believe it), she has decided to be involved - go figure. Last weekend we were talking about my upcoming appointment this week and she says "I wanna go!". I'm like "...uh...well...okaaaaay...". She then said to check with Hubby first to make sure he's okay with it and she doesn't want to intrude - or something like that. I ask Hubby and he says it's fine. I called her yesterday to let her know that she could go.

Last night I was thinking about it more and I was really pissed about it. How dare she not give a shit about the last two years of my life, and how I struggled emotionally, financially and physically to get to where I am. Now that I am in a "happy" place, she decides to join the fun. I was talking to Hubby about it last night and I asked if it would be terrible of me to call her back and tell her I'd rather not have her go. He said I should pick my battles. Let her go this time, but let her know in the future when things aren't okay for her to tag along to if I don't want her there.

Thanks for letting me vent for a minute. I was thinking about it again today and I just get really annoyed. I wish I could grow "a pair" and stand up to her more. Maybe now with my raging hormones I will. I would really like to have the opportunity someday to (nicely) tell her how much her actions - or lack there of - have hurt my feelings.

Someday.

Hanging out

So there isn't much to do these days without the strict schedule of my fertility treatments. I kind of feel lost, like I have all this time on my hands and nothing to do with it. I need a hobby.

Nothing really new to report. Everytime I say I have a symptom is seems to go away or morph into something else. Thankfully the heartburn has been gone for a while. I'm still REALLY tired and occasionally nauseous...but hey...I can deal. Oh and I go from cranky to crying in almost no time. Thankfully Hubby is so patient with me!!

I didn't get a chance to actually talk to the doc last week when he called. I was at a work event and the building I was in didn't get cell service (ugh!). I got a voicemail from him though and he basically said my numbers are still going up and we'll see you next week for your u/s.

So, that's about it. I'm just waiting for my appointment on Wednesday. I'll let you know how it goes!

Beta #3

9,721!!!



It just keeps getting higher - yay!

The doc will call me again tonight to discus. My progesterone level is up to 54...we'll see if he doesn't lower my dose or if we still aren't going to "rock the boat".

First u/s next Wednesday! Eeek!

Below is the newest chart:

The eve of beta #3

Wednesdays are turning into the most stressful day of the week, and the anticipation leading up to it is almost just as bad. Thankfully though the last few weeks have gone by fairly quickly. I am very anxious for the results already and I haven't even had my blood drawn. I may have to call them tomorrow afternoon again if I just can't control myself :0)

The people who know about whats going on are asking me how I'm feeling. My answer: Blah. I know "blah" is not technically a symptom of pregnancy, but I think it falls into several categories: fatigue, moodiness, heartburn, and nausea. Food still doesn't sound good, but I've had to eat pretty much every 3 hours or so or else the heartburn gets really bad. My diet has two new items that are eaten more often than any other food (not counting gum), and those are Tums and saltines. Mmm...yummy breakfast.

The nausea isn't constant, it comes in waves. I felt good yesterday and today until about 8:30. Almost exactly at that time I had to run to my sleeve of saltines. After about 15 mins it goes away for a while. I'm a little nervous just because this is only week 5, so I'm kinda scared that it's going to get worse. Maybe I should invest in one of those buckets that can go around my neck like horses have for grain. Then I could walk around the office and just use that if I get sick. Okay, ya, that's gross...but like I said before, I'll do anything.

My keester is still sore from all the injections. Hopefully we only have a week of those left. I'm hoping I can stop the progesterone all together or at least go the the suppositories. I know those aren't a joy either, but at least they don't hurt.

My ta-tas are still sore. They seem to be the worst at night when I release them from the confines of my bra and it's a little tough to get comfortable to go to bed with the weight of them and the blankets touching them.

I don't care about any of this though. I'm not going to complain one bit. The more symptoms I have the better. I'm just taking it one week at a time and trying to enjoy it as much as I can. Besides, it's kind of nice to have an excuse to be lazy and sit on the couch all night reading magazines because I don't have the energy to do anything else :0)

And...I have to share that ever night since we found out the test was positive when Hubby "tucks me in" he always says "Goodnight Guys!" It's really cute :0) Soon we'll find out just how many little guys he's actually talking to!

Pinch me!

I can't really believe this is happening to me yet. Having the words "I'm" and "pregnant" in the same sentence just sounds so awkward! Only two other people know in addition to the original few who found out when I had my first test. I still want to hold back telling anyone else until at least my ultrasound. Then we'll go from there.

As for symptoms...heart burn has been the constant so far. When I talk to the doc I'm going to see what else I can take besides Tums. Those only work for about a 1/2 hour and they are nasty to chew and swallow. Another thing is sleepiness. I'm so tired! Granted I've slept like crap for the last two weeks and part of that is to blame on my mattress. It had been a while since it was flipped and we did that last night. I slept so much better, but now here it is 1:30 in the afternoon and I want a nap. I won't lie, I've sat here and closed my eyes for a few minutes at a time. I desperately want to lay my head down on my desk, but I don't for fear of snoring! :0)

Occasionally I've been having some uterine cramping, I'm taking as a good sign that things are going on down there. I'm really curious for my u/s to see if my left over follies are still around. I have a feeling there are a couple of lingering ones left. Sometimes if I move just the right way I feel them, and definitely when I'm laying on my stomach. I know there really isn't anything to do about them unless they get too huge and out of control.

I do go through phases of massive thirst and hunger though, but it's off and on. This morning my appetite was raging. I felt like I was eating all morning. I finally took lunch at 11 and splurged on a burger and fries. I felt like I was allowed since I've been doing so good the last few weeks. I don't have any food aversions yet, but food in general just doesn't sound good. When trying to figure out lunch or dinner I'll just pick somethign to eat because I'm hungry, not because it sounds good...which isn't all bad. Except for today and my burger.

Other than that I'm feeling fine...if I didn't know I was pregnant I probably wouldn't think much of this stuff at all.

Of course my keyboard/mouse is getting a workout from spending so much time on Google. I've kind of ran out of things to look at for right now though, so I'll have to wait until something else happens.

Hooray for Friday! I can't wait to sleep in! Have a good weekend all!

Just talked to the doc

The doctor called. He was very encouraged by my numbers and confirmed I am right where I should be.

Next step: have another test done next Wednesday, then the week after that I'll have my first ultrasound!!!!

I think I will continue to be in shock until I see the heartbeat. I can't believe this. I'm just shocked.

I did ask about the progesterone. I asked if I could switched to the suppositories instead of the injections. He thought about it and decided since things are going so well, he doesn't want to "rock the boat", so until the ultrasound we'll continue the injections. Bummer. But oh well, I'll do ANYTHING. He said my progesterone level is 40 something...which is high, but he didn't want to change the dose right now either.

Fine with me. I'll do injections the whole 9 months if I have to.

Well, I hope I can finally get some decent sleep tonight now that the major stress is over, for now.

The results are in *drum roll...*

It's official! I'm pregnant!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

Last Monday's (9/28) level: 12
Today's level: 1,020!!

I finally broke down and called them because I was dying at my desk. The receptionist told me my level. The doc will call me later with the progesterone results and we'll figure out where I go from here. I'm assuming I'll do some more bloodwork and then an ultrasound in the next week or two...but we'll see.

I'm just so flippin' excited.

Thank you God for blessing me with this gift. I will cherish it forever.

And thank you all for your prayers and well-wishes. I truly am grateful!

And here is a little calculator I found...I'm right on track!

Assessment: The Two-Day hCG rise was 204 % and is considered adequate.
First hCG: 12 mIU/ml
Second hCG: 1020 mIU/ml

An award for me!

Thanks Kacy for nominating me. It's my first one :0) I think it's the Your Blog is Over the Top award - since I saw the same thing on someone else's earlier :0)



Rules
1. You Can Only Use One Word!
2. Pass this along to 6 of your favorite bloggers
3. Alert them that you have given them this award!
4. Have Fun!

The Fun Part

1. Where is your cell phone? table
2. Your hair? brown
3. Your mother? frustrating
4. Your father? changed
5. Your favorite food? cereal
6. Your dream last night? many
7. Your favorite drink? Dr. Pepper
8. Your dream/goal? family
9. What room are you in? living room
10. Your hobby? TTC
11. Your fear? Failure
12. Where do you want to be in 6 years? satisfied
13. Where were you last night? bed
14. Something that you aren’t? mom
15. Muffins? blueberry
16. Wish list item? kindle
17. Where did you grow up? WA
18. Last thing you did? read
19. What are you wearing? PJ's
20. Your TV? On
21. Your pets? Spoiled
22. Friends? Few
23. Your life? stressful
24. Your mood? anxious
25. Missing someone? Tianna
26. Vehicle? CR-V
27. Something you’re not wearing? socks
28. Your favorite store? Kohls
29. Your favorite color? red
30. When was the last time you laughed? dunno
31. Last time you cried? last Monday
32. Your best friend? Hubby
33. One place that I go to over and over? Pharmacy
34. One person who emails me regularly? Martha Stewart
35. Favorite place to eat? Mercato

Recipients
1- Little Rider Baby
2- Impatient with PCOS
3- Just Jess
4- Journey to Our Wondraful Baby
5- Conceive This!
6- The Davis 5

I was doing so good!

Now the anxiety has hit me!

Last week went by faster than I thought, even this weekend wasn't bad. But, man, today is torture. I did good until about 11am this morning. All of a sudden my chest got tight and my heart was pounding in my chest. It would last about 5 seconds and go away. It is still doing it a few hours later. The waiting is killing me. I'll just be sitting at my desk working and wham! it hits me. I even took my pulse and it was approximately 88bpm. Which I think it pretty high for just sitting at my desk.

Damn Google too. I've been Googling like crazy - and Hubby isn't happy with me about it. I can't help it though. I wish today my office cut off my Internet connection so I didn't have the world.wide.web. at my fingertips. I really wish I knew was my first test result was too, but I don't. I've thought about calling and asking, but that would just have me obsessing even more. Most everything I read says it doesn't matter the number as long as it's doubling like it's supposed to. I'll find out on Wednesday.

I'm sure today and tomorrow are going to be a breeze compared to the hours and hours I'll have to wait to get the results on Wednesday.

**breathe in...and out...breathe in...**

3 days left!

Only three more days! I can't wait. Honestly though, I've been busy enough the last week that it hasn't gone as slow as I thought - and I'm so thankful!

My hiney is so sore from being injected every day the last month. My ta-ta's are still pretty sore, but they don't seem as bad as they were. I've also been having some ovarian pain, sometimes it's a sharp pain and sometimes it's just crampy. I'm not surprised at all since I have follies, which I'm sure are cysts now, that didn't go away when I ovulated. It's not an unfamiliar feeling, so I'm not too worried.

Unfortunately, more people than I wanted to tell have found out about my "faint" positive. I just hope for my sake that my little bean continues to grow and I don't have to break the news of the failure. Despite my effort, I can't help but be excited and day dream about the possibilities. It didn't help shopping for my friends baby shower and attending it yesterday. She got so many cute things for her little baby girl that I kept thinking that I'll need this or that or want this or that. It's tough. It was a good day though. I'm glad it was this weekend and not next weekend if I do end up not actually being pregnant anymore. I don't think I would have been able to go.

Well, not much to report. I do another booster HCG injection tonight, and continue the PIO...

I don't remember if I mentioned it before, but my spotting stopped on Wednesday afternoon, and I have seen anymore since - and believe me, I thoroughly inspect every piece of TP. :0)

And one last thing...I've definitely had some changes with my sniffer. On Friday in particular I seemed to smell things a lot stronger..and my taste buds are a little wacky. I can't stand milk right now and my appetite has been weird. I wonder if the booster HCG makes me experience these side effects??? Who knows.

Have a good week - and I'll give you an update on Wednesday!

The most beautiful song ever!

I just heard this song on So You T.hink Y.ou Can.Dance. As soon as it started I choked up. I think it is so beautiful! It's called "Your Hands" by JJ Heller.

I couldn't upload the video, but you can listen to it at this link.

Here are the lyrics. Seriously. This is a tear jerker.

I have unanswered prayers
I have trouble I wish wasn’t there
And I have asked a thousand ways
That you would take my pain away
You would take my pain away

I am trying to understand
How to walk this weary land
Make straight the paths that crooked lie
Oh Lord, before these feet of mine
Oh Lord, before these feet of mine

When my world is shaking, heaven stands
When my heart is breaking
I never leave your hands

When you walked upon the earth
You healed the broken, lost and hurt
I know you hate to see me cry
One day you will set all things right
Yeah, one day you will set all things right

When my world is shaking, heaven stands
When my heart is breaking
I never leave your hands

Your hands that shaped the world
Are holding me
They hold me still